rivulet027 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rivulet027) wrote2022-02-27 11:54 pm
rivulet027) wrote2022-02-27 11:54 pm
Entry tags:
Fic: Five plus one Tup centric (Star Wars, Tup/Hardcase)
Title: Five Times Someone Didn't Realize That Tup is Force Sensitive and What Happens When Obi-Wan Notices
Fandom: Star Wars
Characters/Pairings: Tup/Hardcase
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Star Wars. It's not my toy box and I'm merely playing.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: 5+1 Fic. Tup is Force sensitive with psychomentry that shows him how the person he's touching dies.
Five Times Someone Didn't Realize That Tup is Force Sensitive and What Happens When Obi-Wan Notices:
1.
Hardcase is doing that thing where he knows he needs to go to sleep and he wants to, but the thing he's been researching for hours is his main focus and he just can't seem to make himself stop. It's keeping Tup awake.
Tup rolls onto his back and presses his arm against his closed eyes as he breathes out in frustration. They have an early morning soon, so how does he help Hardcase? Does Hardcase even want help? He's relatively sure Hardcase would be upset that he's disturbing anyone. Tup's first instinct is to go to Kix, but he saw Jesse dragging Kix to bed not too long ago and he doesn't want to wake either of them. A meddroid isn't going to give him anything that isn't for him. He knows he's seen Hardcase drink caf to relax. Decision made Tup swings out of bed and heads to the mess deck.
Becker is cleaning tables. He takes one look at Tup and shakes his head.
"What?" Tup yawns.
"If you're going to come all the way down here to try and talk me into a snack you could at least wear something with traction."
Tup glances down at his bright fuzzy socks and wiggles his toes as he stifles another yawn. "I always sleep in socks and I don’t want a snack. May I have some caf for Hardcase, please?"
"No need to turn on the charm. He's having one of those nights, huh?"
Tup nods.
"You're lucky I just made a pot. Wait here,” Becker tells him with a smile. Then he reaches out and pats Tup on the arm. Tup flinches back a moment too late, Becker’s hand mostly touches his t-shirt, but a finger just brushes Tup’s skin and…
Becker is all fear and resolve. Even knowing that it’s the enemy hiding in their gear it’s difficult to fire on them, feels too much like he’s actually killing other clones. There’s a yell. Someone is ordering them all to take their helmets off. Becker catches sight of Rex, helmet off and blaster down as he runs towards the advancing enemy. He looks so scared. It’s confusing. Becker stumbles, looks down and sees a helmet half off, a glimpse of familiar skin beneath. He kneels down, heart hammering in his throat as he tugs at the helmet. He has one moment of horror when he realizes that they are firing on another squad of clones and then he feels the bolt hit him. He…
It’s different. It’s not a death Tup’s seen before. Mostly he sees everyone die from battle droids or Darth Vader. Becker’s death is shocking. How could the intel be that bad? Still, it’s not as bad as Fives’ death. Nothing will ever shake Tup like seeing how Fives is going to die. Tup manages to hold himself still, forces a smile for Becker as he gives his excuse, “I don’t like to be touched.”
Becker tilts his head. “Sorry.”
Tup shrugs. He knows it’s odd, knows it’s not expected. It’s not like he can explain that when anyone touches him he sees how they'll die. He doesn’t want to be labeled defective. He doesn’t want to be decommissioned.
He stares at his socks, the bright colors reassuring, as he stands their feeling exposed with his bare arms and hands. He doesn't like sleeping in his blacks unless they’re new. Having sleep pants and a t-shirt he could easily identify is suddenly not feeling like the good idea he'd thought it was. Maybe he can get a sleep shirt with long sleeves? Would it look weird if he slept in gloves? Concentrate on the moment he tells himself. He looks up and tries to give Becker another smile. Becker raises an eyebrow and shakes his head before disappearing into the kitchen.
He’s stifling a yawn when Becker comes back and starts to hand him a travel mug. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. With trepidation Tup lets his fingers start to close around the mug. It doesn’t pull at him. He’s not suddenly seeing anything that isn’t Becker in front of him. He managed to hold in his sigh of relief as he takes the mug. “Thanks.”
Becker makes a concerned noise and tells him. "Do not drink that."
"I want sleep," Tup protests.
Becker leans in, catches his eyes, and gives him a grave look. "This is the coffee I make for myself."
Tup realizes Becker wants reassurance. "I really don't want any of the hyperfuel you claim is caf."
Becker studies him for a moment before he nods and goes back to work. When Tup gets back to his berth he grabs his pillow and heads to the workstations. He sets the mug enough in Hardcase's peripheral vision that he'll see it, but not close enough that it's in danger of being knocked over. Then he drops the pillow on the workstation and sits down. Hardcase pauses what he's looking at to grin at the mug. His eyes turn to Tup. "Caf?"
"Becker's caf."
Hardcase grins and grabs the mug. "I've seen him put salt in the grounds to cut down on the bitterness."
Tup wrinkles his nose. Cinnamon added to caf makes sense to him, but not salt. He prefers hot chocolate, but he's only managed to get some twice.
Hardcase’s eyes close in bliss as he breathes in the scent of the caf. He makes a happy noise. "I could kiss you right now."
Tup feels his cheeks heat up. He's not sure if Hardcase means him or the caf. Hardcase makes another happy noise. Tup crosses his arms over his pillow and let's himself close his eyes. He rests his forehead on his arms and sighs. He’s so tired. Hardcase’s fingers brush against his hair. Tup tells himself he needs to get up and go back to his bed. It’s safer in his bed with his own pillow and blankets that he makes sure don’t get mixed in with the regular laundry. He shouldn’t let Hardcase touch him, but he's so tired and it actually feels nice. The mug clinks against the desk as Hardcase sets it down, then he carefully eases the hair tie out of Tup’s hair. His fingers brush against Tup’s neck and…
Hardcase is determined. He's sacrificing himself so his brothers will live. His only regret is that he won't get to see the epic explosion…
Tup shudders. Hardcase's fingers slide through his hair and it's pleasant, soothing.
"Okay?" Hardcase asks.
Tup makes an affirmative noise and let's himself drift.
"Is this like how you can tell when someone's having a nightmare?"
Tup stills, horror settling around him as he lifts his head, "Nightmare?"
Is he really that obvious?
"You wake up people who are having a nightmare and then cuddle them," Hardcase points out.
"Maybe my situational awareness is better than yours," Tup teases as he tries not to focus on the concern that's curling around his spine.
Hardcase snorts. "I'm the explosives expert. My awareness is just fine."
Tup hums his acknowledgement. Hardcase's fingers are still tangling in his hair. Hardcase's palm shifts to cradle his head. It's pleasant. Tup blinks, long and slow, as he processes that. Dogma has cuddled him before, careful not to touch skin and when he cuddles others he makes sure they're wrapped carefully in their blanket. This is different. Tup isn't sure why, but he doesn't want Hardcase to stop. Hardcase smiles at him. He feels calm, happy even. Tup smiles back. Then Hardcase's fingers flex in his hair and Tup closes his eyes. It feels so nice. Lips brush against his and Tup tenses, waiting to fall back into watching Hardcase die, but he doesn't. There's just the gratefulness that Hardcase wants to share mixing with the pleasantness of wanting. Tup kisses back, unsure what to do with his hands. He settles for resting them on Hardcase's sleeves. Tup makes a noise of protest as Hardcase pulls away.
“Do that again?” he asks.
Hardcase presses a kiss against his forehead and then wraps an arm around him. “Alright, let’s get you back to bed.”
Tup wants to protest as Hardcase guides him to his feet then hands him his pillow. He wants to tell Hardcase he thought kissing would hurt and he wants more now that he knows it can be pleasant.
"It's late, c'mon," Hardcase encourages.
Tup sighs. He still wants to protest, he still wants more kisses, but Hardcase wraps an arm around his waist and leans against him a bit as they make their way to Tup's berth. Hardcase hands linger on him as Tup settles against the mattress. Then Hardcase kisses him again, one hand cupping his cheek. Tup pushes into it and savors the feeling of their lips pressing firmly together and the contentment coming from Hardcase.
"Can I sleep with you?" Hardcase asks as he pulls away.
Tup nods. "Yes."
Hardcase grins, gives him one more firm kiss, then says, "Let me go brush my teeth."
Tup is starting to drift into sleep when Hardcase carefully tucks his blankets around him before curling up behind him. Lips press against his neck. Tup shivers.
"Sleep, Tup. Thanks."
2.
General Kenobi is dying. Tup knows what it feels like when someone is slipping towards death and that’s how the general feels now. He keeps his hands tightly pressing where Kix told him too, grateful that he’s in his armor. As he works Kix is yelling through his comm at another medic and getting stress cussing as a response. Tup doesn’t want to distract either of them. He closes his eyes and forces himself to breathe out, to remain calm. General Kenobi is going to heal. He is going to live. This isn’t how he dies.
Tup doesn’t really know that. He’s never seen General Kenobi’s death, but this can’t be how he dies, bleeding out on a battlefield.
Heal.
There’s a hope in that thought and a tugging of something. Tup’s fingers tingle suddenly in a peculiar way. He doesn’t let it distract him. He just keeps hoping. General Kenobi is going to get out of this alive and he’s going to heal...and then he’s not dying anymore. Tup can feel General Kenobi slowly getting stronger. Tup can feel how the General’s body is slowly healing, he’s not losing blood anymore.
“I thought you said he was dying?” The words sound distant and above his head.
“He is,” Kix insists. “He...wait. Tup move your hands.”
Tup opens his eyes and suddenly realizes how utterly exhausted he feels. He manages to sway back, keeping General Kenobi braced on his knees, but not holding pressure against the wound anymore. Tup’s eyes widen, there isn’t any wound. He can see where Kix has used bacta patches on the other wounds, but this wound looks like it wasn’t ever there.
“Maybe…” Kix says cautiously, “he wasn’t as unconscious as I thought, he could’ve healed himself.”
“And then passed out?”
Kix shrugs. “It’s possible. Let’s get him out of here.”
Tup stares down at the blood covering his gloves and vambraces. He wants to point this out, thinks he should add something to their conversation, but his vision is graying out along the edges. He blacks out as they lift General Kenobi off him.
He let Kix gently tease him afterwards, about the sight of blood making him faint. He can feel the concern for him rolling off of Kix. He doesn’t want to worry Kix and he never wants to wake up in the medical bay again.
3.
Tup presses close to Hardcase in the booth at 79’s and tries not to feel the pull of so many beings on Coruscant. Maybe he should've stayed on the ship with Dogma, but they have leave and Tup wants to enjoy it. He wants to have an adventure that isn't being shot at or feeling his brothers die. He can't let all his memories become that.
Still the press of minds on Coruscant is different and more difficult to filter out than on Kamino. Tup isn't used to the press of so many different emotions or the feel of so many different species all crowded together. It's making his head ache dully behind his eyes. Keeping his eyes closed, Tup let's his head rest on Hardcase's shoulder. Hardcase's fingers come up to play with the loose strands of his hair. Hardcase presses a kiss against his forehead. "You alright?"
Tup hums an affirmative, but the sound must get lost in the ambient noise of the club because Hardcase turns to regard him.
"Tup?"
Tup forces himself to open his eyes. He grimaces when he realizes that he can see sparkling lights dancing around Hardcase. That hasn't happened in years. Tup swallows. "I should head back to the barracks. I'm going to have a migraine."
"Is he okay?" Fives asks. "Hey Tup, are you okay? I can get Kix."
"It's just a headache," Tup tries to protest.
Fives frowns at him. "You look like shit. I'm getting Kix."
Tup blinks, momentarily distracted by how Fives shines. He's so bright that Tup feels suddenly nauseous. There’s a stray thought that if he shots Fives, kills him, that the traitor's shine will go out and stop hurting. The thought doesn't make sense. Fives isn't a traitor. Fives dies scared and grieving in Rex’s arms while trying to save all of them. The frustrating thing is Tup doesn't know what Fives will try to save them from. Tup groans, pushing to his feet. "I have to go."
He just wants to have fun with his friends. Why can't he have that? Tup doesn't realize he's swaying slightly until Hardcase presses close to steady him and suggests, "Let's get you outside, away from the noise."
He lets Hardcase guide him to the door. The night air is warm and the street is still bright. So many people are loitering by the door; laughing and joking. It's not as loud as the club with it's thump of music, but it's not quiet either. Hardcase moves them down the walkway, closer to the lift. He stops just outside the glow from an overhead light.
"You stay, have fun," Tup tries. His head is pounding now. He doesn’t want to ruin anyone else's night.
"I'm sticking with you, at least until you're feeling better," Hardcase protests.
Before he can respond Kix is striding towards them asking, "What did he have to drink?"
Jesse and Fives are trailing after Kix. Tup frowns at them. "I can make it back on my own."
Jesse snorts. "Not when you're having to lean on Hardcase like that."
"Maybe he wants to lean on Hardcase," Fives interjects.
“Yeah,” Hardcase agrees. “Maybe he wants to lean on me!”
Kix steps close so Tup doesn’t catch the look on Jesse’s face, but he feels Hardcase squirm under the scrutiny. Then Kix touches his chin and tilts his head towards the light and…
Kix is so scared he's going to be left alone, again. There are people around him wearing an icon Tup doesn’t recognize, but they’re dead. They’re all just dead and Kix is so alone. He can't be the last one left alive again. The only one. He can't. Kix is kneeling in front of a man with green hair, cussing as he works to save him. The man tries to smile at Kix, tries to say something, but it just comes out as a wheeze. There’s the hum of a lightsaber approaching, but Kix doesn’t seem to register it as he works. He’s so distraught that it takes him a moment to realize that a lightsaber is no longer a safe sound. And then there’s pain...the lightsaber is suddenly just...and it’s red...and…Kix looks down at it coming out of his chest and laughs.There’s no mirth in it. The man he’s been trying to save is dead and he’s going to die too. “Jacen was your friend.”
“I offered him power and he refused it.”
Kix grimaces. The blade twists. He’s in so much pain.
The Sith in black wearing a mask tilts his head. “You’re going to tell me about Vader, clone.”
“All of this to ask about a Sith I never knew?” Kix taunts. He’s going to die, he knows he’s going to die, but he’s not going to give this Sith anything he wants.
“I can take it from your mind. You don’t have to say anything.”
“I never knew Vader,” Kix spits out. "I only knew General Skywalker."
The masked Sith growls in annoyance, and then the pain starts.
...Tup screams as he wrenches away. He thought Fives’ death was the worst one he’d see, until this. Carefully Hardcase catches him and pulls him close while murmuring a reassurance. Tup slumps.
“Don’t...don’t,” Tup manages to stutter out. “Hurts.”
“The light hurts?” Kix asks.
Tup blinks at him. It’s hard to concentrate on Kix when all he can remember is the phantom pain of the lightsaber through Kix's chest. He can’t say. He can’t tell Kix that it’s him that will be in pain and Tup really doesn’t want to relive it again. The lights dancing around Kix’s head distract his focus. Tup wets his lips. “Migraine. It’s just a migraine.”
Kix frowns at him. “Let’s get him back to the barracks.”
He can’t sleep in a bunk that’ll have sheets, blankets, and a pillow that aren’t his. He doesn’t know what he’ll see! He knows he can’t block it out, not feeling like this. He’ll be so lost. Tup shakes his head. “No. No. No.”
“Hey, hey,” Hardcase tells him. “I know you want your berth. I’ll get you there.”
Tup sags, but lets them lead him to the lift. So much for a night of fun. Maybe he’ll get lucky and Dogma won’t hound him with an ‘I told you so’.
4.
Tup’s almost ready for bed, but he’s feeling restless with Hardcase away on a mission. Cuddling with Dogma or Fives isn’t the same as cuddling with his boyfriend. He also can’t stop thinking about the vision he had of how Kix will die, especially since it seemed that Kix was saying that General Skywalker is Darth Vader. That can't be right, can it? He’s seen what it looks like when Vader kills clones: he’s dismissive and cruel and General Skywalker isn’t, is he? Tup suddenly isn’t sure anymore. He’s barely had any interactions with his general, but he finds himself worrying and wondering.
He steps onto the observation deck hoping looking out at hyperspace will help ease his mind and quell his restless energy. He pauses when he realizes Commander Tano is in a chair sleeping. Her head is tilted towards the back of the chair and one leg curled up while the other is dangling.
Tup smiles. He moves to the nearest cabinet and pulls out one of the soft blankets that are stored there before he moves carefully over to her. It's not until he's got the blanket open and is only a few steps away from her that he sees the holocron sitting in pieces in her lap. He hesitates.
He remembers how serious his general's face looked when he gave the holocron to Ahsoka. It's a teaching tool, but General Skywalker made it seem as if the holocron is sacred too.
And now it's sitting in pieces in Ahsoka’s lap.
Tup feels anxiety churn low in his gut. He's not thinking about General Skywalker as he looks at the pieces, but rather all the deaths he's seen at the hands of Darth Vader. He wets his lips and for one brief moment he's tempted to touch her hand and see how she'll die.
Tup shudders. No, he can't do that. He hasn't been able to prevent a death yet. He can't try and fail with his Commander.
He turns his attention to the holocron pieces. Is there a way to put them back together? Could he somehow find a way to piece them back into the box he saw before?
The moment he turns his attention to the holocron he can feel it perk up, almost as if it's suddenly paying attention to him too. There's an invitation in this feeling: he can say no and the feeling will go away. He glances at Ahsoka and takes in how peaceful and young she looks in sleep. He knows on some level she's older than him, but he also looks and feels slightly older and suddenly very protective. He answers the holocron and tells it that he wants to put it back together.
Slowly, almost hesitantly, the pieces rise into the air between him and Ahsoka. He can feel the entirety of each piece and how they fit together. It's like fitting a puzzle together when that puzzle can flit and dance in front of him.
After he manages to get the holocron together mentally nudges it onto the side table next to the seat Ahsoka is in. Only then does he feel himself relax, though he's not entirely sure that the exhaustion he’s feeling is from the exertion of putting the holocron back together or if it's relief at not being caught.
Carefully he takes the last few steps to Ahsoka and covers her with the blanket. Her fingers reach up to curl around the soft fabric and she blinks at him sleepily.
“Just me,” he reassures.
She gives him a soft smile and draws the blanket around herself, then she pauses and goes utterly still.
“What’s wrong?” Tup asks.
She sits up to frown at the holocron. “I don’t remember putting it back together.”
Tup rubs at one of his arms, then asks, “Are you allowed to leave them in pieces?”
Ahsoka shrugs. “I’m sure Anakin wouldn’t want me to, but they’re easy to put back together and I was tired.”
“It wasn’t an easy battle,” Tup agrees.
Ahsoka rubs a hand over her face. “Tea and then sleep. Do you want some tea?”
“I can get it.” Tup offers. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
Ahsoka shakes her head as she stands. “Grab a blanket for yourself. You deserve to rest too and I think we’ll both sleep better with something warm in us.”
Tup nods and heads back to the cabinet, peripherally aware of Ahsoka pulling out the hot plate from where it’s stored and filling the teapot that goes with it. By the time he’s sitting down she’s pulled down two mugs and putting a tea bag in one.
“You prefer hot chocolate, right?” Ahsoka asks.
“We have some?”
“Master Swan sent some with her last care package.”
He’s heard about her from Banks.
“Do you know Master Swan?” Ahsoka frowns, as if she’s considering how to explain who Master Swan is.
“One of Dogma’s batchmates serves with her,” Tup says. There’s really no need to explain that she’s helped Banks after Oznek. “She sends you care packages?”
Ahsoka nods as she opens a cabinet and pulls down a tin. “I always thought Master Koon or Master Ti would be the ones to teach me when I became a padawan. Master Koon is the one who brought me to the temple and Master Swan was one of his padawans. We were close growing up. I learned a lot from her and she likes to check in on me.”
"That sounds nice," Tup tells her. He always finds it hopeful to hear how those around him have built a family.
“What about you?” Ahsoka asks.
Tup stills. He touches the teardrop by his eye. He knows what she’s asking. He’s tempted to say he has Dogma or Hardcase or even the rest of the 501st, except he knows that's not what she means. His words, when he answers, are soft, “My last batchmate died on Draay 2.”
Ahsoka finishes pouring out the packet she opened from the tin, but then turns towards him with an apologetic look.
“I’m okay,” Tup tells her before she can say anything. For a moment he’s tempted to tell her that of his batchmates only he and Glitch made it off Kamino without being decommissioned. He doesn’t. He doesn’t want to talk about the brothers he misses or theorize about why the Kaminoan's didn't let them live. He doesn't have the energy.
Ahsoka hands him a mug and Tup wraps his hands around it, grateful for the warmth, as he thanks her. She drops back into the seat next to him. "You're welcome."
She takes a sip of her tea. Tup brings the mug close to his face and lets himself savor the aroma of the chocolate before he takes a sip.
5.
Tup sinks below the surface of the water, his armor weighing him down. He kicks futively as he shucks his gloves and then starts unfastening his armor as fast as he can. He needs to breathe. He can’t. Is this how he dies? He tries to ignore the panic and the chill of the water as he works at fasteners, trying to shed the weight of his armor. A hand squeezes his in reassurance…
Rex is tired, but satisfied. He’s ready to die. He’s had a difficult, but ultimately good life…
…Rex is worrying, scared for both of them. They’re both underwater, but Rex is trying to pull him closer to the surface. Tup starts working on fasteners again. Rex’s fingers brush his as he starts to help…
…Rex is surrounded by his family. There's a green Twi'lek woman holding his hand. There are children. There are so many people and a few are wearing the symbol Tup saw in his vision of Kix dying. One of the children has green hair. Ahsoka is just arriving. She’s standing in the doorway, smiling at Rex. Rex smiles back…
Rex thumps his chest plate and it finally dislodges, floating away. Tup starts removing his greaves as Rex tugs at his boots.
The last of the large pieces of his armor slide away and then both he and Rex swim upwards. Tup’s lungs ache. He splashes, flailing slightly as he breaks the surface. He takes gulping breaths. Rex wraps an arm around his torso and starts dragging him towards the shore.
"You don't hurt," Tup laughs. He can't help it. Finally a death that is one of them having a life that is more than pain and fighting. "I can-I can swim."
"You kept passing out," Rex reasons. "You just relax and let me get us out of this. Kix will meet us on the shore."
Tup swallows his laughter. He resists the urge to hug Rex. Touching Rex doesn't hurt! He wants to see the rest of how Rex dies. It doesn't hurt! Instead he forces himself to relax and let Rex move them both through the water.
"Yes Sir," Tup manages.
"I've got you," Rex reassures.
Fandom: Star Wars
Characters/Pairings: Tup/Hardcase
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Star Wars. It's not my toy box and I'm merely playing.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: 5+1 Fic. Tup is Force sensitive with psychomentry that shows him how the person he's touching dies.
Five Times Someone Didn't Realize That Tup is Force Sensitive and What Happens When Obi-Wan Notices:
1.
Hardcase is doing that thing where he knows he needs to go to sleep and he wants to, but the thing he's been researching for hours is his main focus and he just can't seem to make himself stop. It's keeping Tup awake.
Tup rolls onto his back and presses his arm against his closed eyes as he breathes out in frustration. They have an early morning soon, so how does he help Hardcase? Does Hardcase even want help? He's relatively sure Hardcase would be upset that he's disturbing anyone. Tup's first instinct is to go to Kix, but he saw Jesse dragging Kix to bed not too long ago and he doesn't want to wake either of them. A meddroid isn't going to give him anything that isn't for him. He knows he's seen Hardcase drink caf to relax. Decision made Tup swings out of bed and heads to the mess deck.
Becker is cleaning tables. He takes one look at Tup and shakes his head.
"What?" Tup yawns.
"If you're going to come all the way down here to try and talk me into a snack you could at least wear something with traction."
Tup glances down at his bright fuzzy socks and wiggles his toes as he stifles another yawn. "I always sleep in socks and I don’t want a snack. May I have some caf for Hardcase, please?"
"No need to turn on the charm. He's having one of those nights, huh?"
Tup nods.
"You're lucky I just made a pot. Wait here,” Becker tells him with a smile. Then he reaches out and pats Tup on the arm. Tup flinches back a moment too late, Becker’s hand mostly touches his t-shirt, but a finger just brushes Tup’s skin and…
Becker is all fear and resolve. Even knowing that it’s the enemy hiding in their gear it’s difficult to fire on them, feels too much like he’s actually killing other clones. There’s a yell. Someone is ordering them all to take their helmets off. Becker catches sight of Rex, helmet off and blaster down as he runs towards the advancing enemy. He looks so scared. It’s confusing. Becker stumbles, looks down and sees a helmet half off, a glimpse of familiar skin beneath. He kneels down, heart hammering in his throat as he tugs at the helmet. He has one moment of horror when he realizes that they are firing on another squad of clones and then he feels the bolt hit him. He…
It’s different. It’s not a death Tup’s seen before. Mostly he sees everyone die from battle droids or Darth Vader. Becker’s death is shocking. How could the intel be that bad? Still, it’s not as bad as Fives’ death. Nothing will ever shake Tup like seeing how Fives is going to die. Tup manages to hold himself still, forces a smile for Becker as he gives his excuse, “I don’t like to be touched.”
Becker tilts his head. “Sorry.”
Tup shrugs. He knows it’s odd, knows it’s not expected. It’s not like he can explain that when anyone touches him he sees how they'll die. He doesn’t want to be labeled defective. He doesn’t want to be decommissioned.
He stares at his socks, the bright colors reassuring, as he stands their feeling exposed with his bare arms and hands. He doesn't like sleeping in his blacks unless they’re new. Having sleep pants and a t-shirt he could easily identify is suddenly not feeling like the good idea he'd thought it was. Maybe he can get a sleep shirt with long sleeves? Would it look weird if he slept in gloves? Concentrate on the moment he tells himself. He looks up and tries to give Becker another smile. Becker raises an eyebrow and shakes his head before disappearing into the kitchen.
He’s stifling a yawn when Becker comes back and starts to hand him a travel mug. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. With trepidation Tup lets his fingers start to close around the mug. It doesn’t pull at him. He’s not suddenly seeing anything that isn’t Becker in front of him. He managed to hold in his sigh of relief as he takes the mug. “Thanks.”
Becker makes a concerned noise and tells him. "Do not drink that."
"I want sleep," Tup protests.
Becker leans in, catches his eyes, and gives him a grave look. "This is the coffee I make for myself."
Tup realizes Becker wants reassurance. "I really don't want any of the hyperfuel you claim is caf."
Becker studies him for a moment before he nods and goes back to work. When Tup gets back to his berth he grabs his pillow and heads to the workstations. He sets the mug enough in Hardcase's peripheral vision that he'll see it, but not close enough that it's in danger of being knocked over. Then he drops the pillow on the workstation and sits down. Hardcase pauses what he's looking at to grin at the mug. His eyes turn to Tup. "Caf?"
"Becker's caf."
Hardcase grins and grabs the mug. "I've seen him put salt in the grounds to cut down on the bitterness."
Tup wrinkles his nose. Cinnamon added to caf makes sense to him, but not salt. He prefers hot chocolate, but he's only managed to get some twice.
Hardcase’s eyes close in bliss as he breathes in the scent of the caf. He makes a happy noise. "I could kiss you right now."
Tup feels his cheeks heat up. He's not sure if Hardcase means him or the caf. Hardcase makes another happy noise. Tup crosses his arms over his pillow and let's himself close his eyes. He rests his forehead on his arms and sighs. He’s so tired. Hardcase’s fingers brush against his hair. Tup tells himself he needs to get up and go back to his bed. It’s safer in his bed with his own pillow and blankets that he makes sure don’t get mixed in with the regular laundry. He shouldn’t let Hardcase touch him, but he's so tired and it actually feels nice. The mug clinks against the desk as Hardcase sets it down, then he carefully eases the hair tie out of Tup’s hair. His fingers brush against Tup’s neck and…
Hardcase is determined. He's sacrificing himself so his brothers will live. His only regret is that he won't get to see the epic explosion…
Tup shudders. Hardcase's fingers slide through his hair and it's pleasant, soothing.
"Okay?" Hardcase asks.
Tup makes an affirmative noise and let's himself drift.
"Is this like how you can tell when someone's having a nightmare?"
Tup stills, horror settling around him as he lifts his head, "Nightmare?"
Is he really that obvious?
"You wake up people who are having a nightmare and then cuddle them," Hardcase points out.
"Maybe my situational awareness is better than yours," Tup teases as he tries not to focus on the concern that's curling around his spine.
Hardcase snorts. "I'm the explosives expert. My awareness is just fine."
Tup hums his acknowledgement. Hardcase's fingers are still tangling in his hair. Hardcase's palm shifts to cradle his head. It's pleasant. Tup blinks, long and slow, as he processes that. Dogma has cuddled him before, careful not to touch skin and when he cuddles others he makes sure they're wrapped carefully in their blanket. This is different. Tup isn't sure why, but he doesn't want Hardcase to stop. Hardcase smiles at him. He feels calm, happy even. Tup smiles back. Then Hardcase's fingers flex in his hair and Tup closes his eyes. It feels so nice. Lips brush against his and Tup tenses, waiting to fall back into watching Hardcase die, but he doesn't. There's just the gratefulness that Hardcase wants to share mixing with the pleasantness of wanting. Tup kisses back, unsure what to do with his hands. He settles for resting them on Hardcase's sleeves. Tup makes a noise of protest as Hardcase pulls away.
“Do that again?” he asks.
Hardcase presses a kiss against his forehead and then wraps an arm around him. “Alright, let’s get you back to bed.”
Tup wants to protest as Hardcase guides him to his feet then hands him his pillow. He wants to tell Hardcase he thought kissing would hurt and he wants more now that he knows it can be pleasant.
"It's late, c'mon," Hardcase encourages.
Tup sighs. He still wants to protest, he still wants more kisses, but Hardcase wraps an arm around his waist and leans against him a bit as they make their way to Tup's berth. Hardcase hands linger on him as Tup settles against the mattress. Then Hardcase kisses him again, one hand cupping his cheek. Tup pushes into it and savors the feeling of their lips pressing firmly together and the contentment coming from Hardcase.
"Can I sleep with you?" Hardcase asks as he pulls away.
Tup nods. "Yes."
Hardcase grins, gives him one more firm kiss, then says, "Let me go brush my teeth."
Tup is starting to drift into sleep when Hardcase carefully tucks his blankets around him before curling up behind him. Lips press against his neck. Tup shivers.
"Sleep, Tup. Thanks."
2.
General Kenobi is dying. Tup knows what it feels like when someone is slipping towards death and that’s how the general feels now. He keeps his hands tightly pressing where Kix told him too, grateful that he’s in his armor. As he works Kix is yelling through his comm at another medic and getting stress cussing as a response. Tup doesn’t want to distract either of them. He closes his eyes and forces himself to breathe out, to remain calm. General Kenobi is going to heal. He is going to live. This isn’t how he dies.
Tup doesn’t really know that. He’s never seen General Kenobi’s death, but this can’t be how he dies, bleeding out on a battlefield.
Heal.
There’s a hope in that thought and a tugging of something. Tup’s fingers tingle suddenly in a peculiar way. He doesn’t let it distract him. He just keeps hoping. General Kenobi is going to get out of this alive and he’s going to heal...and then he’s not dying anymore. Tup can feel General Kenobi slowly getting stronger. Tup can feel how the General’s body is slowly healing, he’s not losing blood anymore.
“I thought you said he was dying?” The words sound distant and above his head.
“He is,” Kix insists. “He...wait. Tup move your hands.”
Tup opens his eyes and suddenly realizes how utterly exhausted he feels. He manages to sway back, keeping General Kenobi braced on his knees, but not holding pressure against the wound anymore. Tup’s eyes widen, there isn’t any wound. He can see where Kix has used bacta patches on the other wounds, but this wound looks like it wasn’t ever there.
“Maybe…” Kix says cautiously, “he wasn’t as unconscious as I thought, he could’ve healed himself.”
“And then passed out?”
Kix shrugs. “It’s possible. Let’s get him out of here.”
Tup stares down at the blood covering his gloves and vambraces. He wants to point this out, thinks he should add something to their conversation, but his vision is graying out along the edges. He blacks out as they lift General Kenobi off him.
He let Kix gently tease him afterwards, about the sight of blood making him faint. He can feel the concern for him rolling off of Kix. He doesn’t want to worry Kix and he never wants to wake up in the medical bay again.
3.
Tup presses close to Hardcase in the booth at 79’s and tries not to feel the pull of so many beings on Coruscant. Maybe he should've stayed on the ship with Dogma, but they have leave and Tup wants to enjoy it. He wants to have an adventure that isn't being shot at or feeling his brothers die. He can't let all his memories become that.
Still the press of minds on Coruscant is different and more difficult to filter out than on Kamino. Tup isn't used to the press of so many different emotions or the feel of so many different species all crowded together. It's making his head ache dully behind his eyes. Keeping his eyes closed, Tup let's his head rest on Hardcase's shoulder. Hardcase's fingers come up to play with the loose strands of his hair. Hardcase presses a kiss against his forehead. "You alright?"
Tup hums an affirmative, but the sound must get lost in the ambient noise of the club because Hardcase turns to regard him.
"Tup?"
Tup forces himself to open his eyes. He grimaces when he realizes that he can see sparkling lights dancing around Hardcase. That hasn't happened in years. Tup swallows. "I should head back to the barracks. I'm going to have a migraine."
"Is he okay?" Fives asks. "Hey Tup, are you okay? I can get Kix."
"It's just a headache," Tup tries to protest.
Fives frowns at him. "You look like shit. I'm getting Kix."
Tup blinks, momentarily distracted by how Fives shines. He's so bright that Tup feels suddenly nauseous. There’s a stray thought that if he shots Fives, kills him, that the traitor's shine will go out and stop hurting. The thought doesn't make sense. Fives isn't a traitor. Fives dies scared and grieving in Rex’s arms while trying to save all of them. The frustrating thing is Tup doesn't know what Fives will try to save them from. Tup groans, pushing to his feet. "I have to go."
He just wants to have fun with his friends. Why can't he have that? Tup doesn't realize he's swaying slightly until Hardcase presses close to steady him and suggests, "Let's get you outside, away from the noise."
He lets Hardcase guide him to the door. The night air is warm and the street is still bright. So many people are loitering by the door; laughing and joking. It's not as loud as the club with it's thump of music, but it's not quiet either. Hardcase moves them down the walkway, closer to the lift. He stops just outside the glow from an overhead light.
"You stay, have fun," Tup tries. His head is pounding now. He doesn’t want to ruin anyone else's night.
"I'm sticking with you, at least until you're feeling better," Hardcase protests.
Before he can respond Kix is striding towards them asking, "What did he have to drink?"
Jesse and Fives are trailing after Kix. Tup frowns at them. "I can make it back on my own."
Jesse snorts. "Not when you're having to lean on Hardcase like that."
"Maybe he wants to lean on Hardcase," Fives interjects.
“Yeah,” Hardcase agrees. “Maybe he wants to lean on me!”
Kix steps close so Tup doesn’t catch the look on Jesse’s face, but he feels Hardcase squirm under the scrutiny. Then Kix touches his chin and tilts his head towards the light and…
Kix is so scared he's going to be left alone, again. There are people around him wearing an icon Tup doesn’t recognize, but they’re dead. They’re all just dead and Kix is so alone. He can't be the last one left alive again. The only one. He can't. Kix is kneeling in front of a man with green hair, cussing as he works to save him. The man tries to smile at Kix, tries to say something, but it just comes out as a wheeze. There’s the hum of a lightsaber approaching, but Kix doesn’t seem to register it as he works. He’s so distraught that it takes him a moment to realize that a lightsaber is no longer a safe sound. And then there’s pain...the lightsaber is suddenly just...and it’s red...and…Kix looks down at it coming out of his chest and laughs.There’s no mirth in it. The man he’s been trying to save is dead and he’s going to die too. “Jacen was your friend.”
“I offered him power and he refused it.”
Kix grimaces. The blade twists. He’s in so much pain.
The Sith in black wearing a mask tilts his head. “You’re going to tell me about Vader, clone.”
“All of this to ask about a Sith I never knew?” Kix taunts. He’s going to die, he knows he’s going to die, but he’s not going to give this Sith anything he wants.
“I can take it from your mind. You don’t have to say anything.”
“I never knew Vader,” Kix spits out. "I only knew General Skywalker."
The masked Sith growls in annoyance, and then the pain starts.
...Tup screams as he wrenches away. He thought Fives’ death was the worst one he’d see, until this. Carefully Hardcase catches him and pulls him close while murmuring a reassurance. Tup slumps.
“Don’t...don’t,” Tup manages to stutter out. “Hurts.”
“The light hurts?” Kix asks.
Tup blinks at him. It’s hard to concentrate on Kix when all he can remember is the phantom pain of the lightsaber through Kix's chest. He can’t say. He can’t tell Kix that it’s him that will be in pain and Tup really doesn’t want to relive it again. The lights dancing around Kix’s head distract his focus. Tup wets his lips. “Migraine. It’s just a migraine.”
Kix frowns at him. “Let’s get him back to the barracks.”
He can’t sleep in a bunk that’ll have sheets, blankets, and a pillow that aren’t his. He doesn’t know what he’ll see! He knows he can’t block it out, not feeling like this. He’ll be so lost. Tup shakes his head. “No. No. No.”
“Hey, hey,” Hardcase tells him. “I know you want your berth. I’ll get you there.”
Tup sags, but lets them lead him to the lift. So much for a night of fun. Maybe he’ll get lucky and Dogma won’t hound him with an ‘I told you so’.
4.
Tup’s almost ready for bed, but he’s feeling restless with Hardcase away on a mission. Cuddling with Dogma or Fives isn’t the same as cuddling with his boyfriend. He also can’t stop thinking about the vision he had of how Kix will die, especially since it seemed that Kix was saying that General Skywalker is Darth Vader. That can't be right, can it? He’s seen what it looks like when Vader kills clones: he’s dismissive and cruel and General Skywalker isn’t, is he? Tup suddenly isn’t sure anymore. He’s barely had any interactions with his general, but he finds himself worrying and wondering.
He steps onto the observation deck hoping looking out at hyperspace will help ease his mind and quell his restless energy. He pauses when he realizes Commander Tano is in a chair sleeping. Her head is tilted towards the back of the chair and one leg curled up while the other is dangling.
Tup smiles. He moves to the nearest cabinet and pulls out one of the soft blankets that are stored there before he moves carefully over to her. It's not until he's got the blanket open and is only a few steps away from her that he sees the holocron sitting in pieces in her lap. He hesitates.
He remembers how serious his general's face looked when he gave the holocron to Ahsoka. It's a teaching tool, but General Skywalker made it seem as if the holocron is sacred too.
And now it's sitting in pieces in Ahsoka’s lap.
Tup feels anxiety churn low in his gut. He's not thinking about General Skywalker as he looks at the pieces, but rather all the deaths he's seen at the hands of Darth Vader. He wets his lips and for one brief moment he's tempted to touch her hand and see how she'll die.
Tup shudders. No, he can't do that. He hasn't been able to prevent a death yet. He can't try and fail with his Commander.
He turns his attention to the holocron pieces. Is there a way to put them back together? Could he somehow find a way to piece them back into the box he saw before?
The moment he turns his attention to the holocron he can feel it perk up, almost as if it's suddenly paying attention to him too. There's an invitation in this feeling: he can say no and the feeling will go away. He glances at Ahsoka and takes in how peaceful and young she looks in sleep. He knows on some level she's older than him, but he also looks and feels slightly older and suddenly very protective. He answers the holocron and tells it that he wants to put it back together.
Slowly, almost hesitantly, the pieces rise into the air between him and Ahsoka. He can feel the entirety of each piece and how they fit together. It's like fitting a puzzle together when that puzzle can flit and dance in front of him.
After he manages to get the holocron together mentally nudges it onto the side table next to the seat Ahsoka is in. Only then does he feel himself relax, though he's not entirely sure that the exhaustion he’s feeling is from the exertion of putting the holocron back together or if it's relief at not being caught.
Carefully he takes the last few steps to Ahsoka and covers her with the blanket. Her fingers reach up to curl around the soft fabric and she blinks at him sleepily.
“Just me,” he reassures.
She gives him a soft smile and draws the blanket around herself, then she pauses and goes utterly still.
“What’s wrong?” Tup asks.
She sits up to frown at the holocron. “I don’t remember putting it back together.”
Tup rubs at one of his arms, then asks, “Are you allowed to leave them in pieces?”
Ahsoka shrugs. “I’m sure Anakin wouldn’t want me to, but they’re easy to put back together and I was tired.”
“It wasn’t an easy battle,” Tup agrees.
Ahsoka rubs a hand over her face. “Tea and then sleep. Do you want some tea?”
“I can get it.” Tup offers. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
Ahsoka shakes her head as she stands. “Grab a blanket for yourself. You deserve to rest too and I think we’ll both sleep better with something warm in us.”
Tup nods and heads back to the cabinet, peripherally aware of Ahsoka pulling out the hot plate from where it’s stored and filling the teapot that goes with it. By the time he’s sitting down she’s pulled down two mugs and putting a tea bag in one.
“You prefer hot chocolate, right?” Ahsoka asks.
“We have some?”
“Master Swan sent some with her last care package.”
He’s heard about her from Banks.
“Do you know Master Swan?” Ahsoka frowns, as if she’s considering how to explain who Master Swan is.
“One of Dogma’s batchmates serves with her,” Tup says. There’s really no need to explain that she’s helped Banks after Oznek. “She sends you care packages?”
Ahsoka nods as she opens a cabinet and pulls down a tin. “I always thought Master Koon or Master Ti would be the ones to teach me when I became a padawan. Master Koon is the one who brought me to the temple and Master Swan was one of his padawans. We were close growing up. I learned a lot from her and she likes to check in on me.”
"That sounds nice," Tup tells her. He always finds it hopeful to hear how those around him have built a family.
“What about you?” Ahsoka asks.
Tup stills. He touches the teardrop by his eye. He knows what she’s asking. He’s tempted to say he has Dogma or Hardcase or even the rest of the 501st, except he knows that's not what she means. His words, when he answers, are soft, “My last batchmate died on Draay 2.”
Ahsoka finishes pouring out the packet she opened from the tin, but then turns towards him with an apologetic look.
“I’m okay,” Tup tells her before she can say anything. For a moment he’s tempted to tell her that of his batchmates only he and Glitch made it off Kamino without being decommissioned. He doesn’t. He doesn’t want to talk about the brothers he misses or theorize about why the Kaminoan's didn't let them live. He doesn't have the energy.
Ahsoka hands him a mug and Tup wraps his hands around it, grateful for the warmth, as he thanks her. She drops back into the seat next to him. "You're welcome."
She takes a sip of her tea. Tup brings the mug close to his face and lets himself savor the aroma of the chocolate before he takes a sip.
5.
Tup sinks below the surface of the water, his armor weighing him down. He kicks futively as he shucks his gloves and then starts unfastening his armor as fast as he can. He needs to breathe. He can’t. Is this how he dies? He tries to ignore the panic and the chill of the water as he works at fasteners, trying to shed the weight of his armor. A hand squeezes his in reassurance…
Rex is tired, but satisfied. He’s ready to die. He’s had a difficult, but ultimately good life…
…Rex is worrying, scared for both of them. They’re both underwater, but Rex is trying to pull him closer to the surface. Tup starts working on fasteners again. Rex’s fingers brush his as he starts to help…
…Rex is surrounded by his family. There's a green Twi'lek woman holding his hand. There are children. There are so many people and a few are wearing the symbol Tup saw in his vision of Kix dying. One of the children has green hair. Ahsoka is just arriving. She’s standing in the doorway, smiling at Rex. Rex smiles back…
Rex thumps his chest plate and it finally dislodges, floating away. Tup starts removing his greaves as Rex tugs at his boots.
The last of the large pieces of his armor slide away and then both he and Rex swim upwards. Tup’s lungs ache. He splashes, flailing slightly as he breaks the surface. He takes gulping breaths. Rex wraps an arm around his torso and starts dragging him towards the shore.
"You don't hurt," Tup laughs. He can't help it. Finally a death that is one of them having a life that is more than pain and fighting. "I can-I can swim."
"You kept passing out," Rex reasons. "You just relax and let me get us out of this. Kix will meet us on the shore."
Tup swallows his laughter. He resists the urge to hug Rex. Touching Rex doesn't hurt! He wants to see the rest of how Rex dies. It doesn't hurt! Instead he forces himself to relax and let Rex move them both through the water.
"Yes Sir," Tup manages.
"I've got you," Rex reassures.