Fic: I Dream of You (BTVS, Willow/Spike, Buffy/Angel)

Title: I Dream of You
Fandom: BTVS
Pairing: Spike/Willow, Buffy/Angel
Rating: PG-15
Summary: S4 AU A dream demon's attack forces Spike to admit he has feelings for Willow.
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with BTVS, it’s not my toy box. I’m merely playing.
A/N: The first part is Spike's version of the nightmare. Also Angel and Riley meet for the first time in this fic. Also as much as I love Willow and Tara as a couple in order for this fic to work they're just friends. Finally in this fic Oz's return is his first return to Sunnydale. I know that makes this very AU, but I made it work as I could. I wrote this while they were still in season 4 for a friend of mine, she's a heavy B/A shipper and at the time I was a heavy Willow/Spike shipper. Hence this fic is dedicated to Lindsey.

( Chapter 5: )

Chapter: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12]

drawing a blank

Been thinking too much lately. Reread my last post and there were a lot of misspelling, and some reason I simply don't care.

Which is how I feel today, kinda uncaring in a whole I want to breakdown and cry way.

I hate this, my ex onced told me I want people to feel sorry for me. God, I hope she's not right.

I'm just so depressed right now.

A lot of things are going on in my life right now and I'm not entirely sure how everything thing is going to play out. I brought up the ex so I might as well come out and say I'm having problems with her and that's really all there is to say.

I also can't get Tony out of my head tonight, he's the kid who I found out passed away on Friday. I keep remembering my one good memory of him. He and I were on line together making Taco and he said something stupid and immediantly aplogized for it. I told him not to worry about it, that it didn't matter. He still aplogized and told me he didn't want me to think he was bieng gay with me or anything. I turned and looked at him telling him that because he was a guy and I was a girl I didn't see how we could be gay together unless he meant happy and I already was thank you. Poor kids eyes got big and he told me he just meant stupid which of course lead to a conversation about the appropriate use of words...in a nice way, I wasn't a jerk or anything. Found out later from his friend Ryan that he felt really bad about it cause he didn't realize that I dated girls and he felt like he'd insulted me. Sweet kid, good looking. He would have made a fine adult. It hurts that he never will be.

Keep thinking about the other friend I lost recently around last Thanksgiving and I want to know why everyone is dying lately. No one dwells on this friends death, we don't really talk about it except to say we are dealing and getting over it. My mom and I actually had a conversation regarding it. Had to reasure her that there was nothing she could have done. Suicide is so painful for the people left behind.

And here I am going on and on about death, but I couldn't get it out of my head tonight. I could barely concentrate in class today, felt like I was in a daze...still sotra feel that way.

What more is there to say?

This weekend was long and I was glad when it was over.