(no subject)

I overdid it yesterday. I knew going up to the school would be difficult because everytime I think about it I start to panic and hence while I was getting ready for the bake sale I was freaking out. I had to stop several times and tell myself I was going to.

The bake sale went well. Joe helped me and I only almost burst into tears a few times. I somehow managed not to have a panic attack. Scott came by as did Carrie and Evan. Carrie asked me if I was coming to the meeting and I declined. I really have no interest in it. Scott was nice to me, but I'm not feeling any friendship vibe from myself. Which is odd because I would love to stay friends with Joe and I don't see that working since he and Scott are together and how would you be friends with one not the other? That would just be rude. Anyway I found I only owed 181 dollars for the loan. I made $45.60 and turned in the correct paperwork to have that doubled. So my loan is nearly paided off. One more good bake sale and I should be done.

I met Diane for lunch after and we had a bitch fest about work. It was good. She once again attempted to tempt me to work second shift, which I think would be better on ablity to get sleep, but wouldn't make me happy. I like my third shift.

It was a wonderfully warm day so I went into work after lunch and arranged to take one of the residents to the park. He was supposed to be fed and ready to go around five thirty. When I got there another resident had been acting up so they hadn't been able to feed him, he was the only one not fed. So I got him diner, and he resisted the whole thing because he was fustrated with the other resident and just wanted out of the house. We did eventually make it through diner and get to the park. It was fun. This biker kept going by and waving and giving him thumbs up signs. I kept trying to get him to say 'bike' and the forth time the guy went by without any prompting he exclaimed, "Bike!" He was happy with the vans and the 'doggies', but unimpressed by the deer. Then we went home. That's when he got upset. Of course ther resident that had been acting up when we left was still acting up. I tried to get him settled outside on the porch, but he decided he wanted to go watch t.v. so I took him to his room. Then I tried to get the resident that was acting up to go to bed and she let me tuck her in and get back to the office before she got out of bed. I ended up forgetting to put the van key back and got a call about that today.

By the time I got home I was overwhealmed and wanted to just take a xanax and go to bed. I went online instead, which helped me calm my nerves some. I still ended up taking the xanax and going to bed, but to be honest for as antisocial as I've been feeling lately I managed okay, but overdid it. I don't know what to do about this.

(no subject)

I overdid it yesterday. I knew going up to the school would be difficult because everytime I think about it I start to panic and hence while I was getting ready for the bake sale I was freaking out. I had to stop several times and tell myself I was going to.

The bake sale went well. Joe helped me and I only almost burst into tears a few times. I somehow managed not to have a panic attack. Scott came by as did Carrie and Evan. Carrie asked me if I was coming to the meeting and I declined. I really have no interest in it. Scott was nice to me, but I'm not feeling any friendship vibe from myself. Which is odd because I would love to stay friends with Joe and I don't see that working since he and Scott are together and how would you be friends with one not the other? That would just be rude. Anyway I found I only owed 181 dollars for the loan. I made $45.60 and turned in the correct paperwork to have that doubled. So my loan is nearly paided off. One more good bake sale and I should be done.

I met Diane for lunch after and we had a bitch fest about work. It was good. She once again attempted to tempt me to work second shift, which I think would be better on ablity to get sleep, but wouldn't make me happy. I like my third shift.

It was a wonderfully warm day so I went into work after lunch and arranged to take one of the residents to the park. He was supposed to be fed and ready to go around five thirty. When I got there another resident had been acting up so they hadn't been able to feed him, he was the only one not fed. So I got him diner, and he resisted the whole thing because he was fustrated with the other resident and just wanted out of the house. We did eventually make it through diner and get to the park. It was fun. This biker kept going by and waving and giving him thumbs up signs. I kept trying to get him to say 'bike' and the forth time the guy went by without any prompting he exclaimed, "Bike!" He was happy with the vans and the 'doggies', but unimpressed by the deer. Then we went home. That's when he got upset. Of course ther resident that had been acting up when we left was still acting up. I tried to get him settled outside on the porch, but he decided he wanted to go watch t.v. so I took him to his room. Then I tried to get the resident that was acting up to go to bed and she let me tuck her in and get back to the office before she got out of bed. I ended up forgetting to put the van key back and got a call about that today.

By the time I got home I was overwhealmed and wanted to just take a xanax and go to bed. I went online instead, which helped me calm my nerves some. I still ended up taking the xanax and going to bed, but to be honest for as antisocial as I've been feeling lately I managed okay, but overdid it. I don't know what to do about this.