(no subject)

This is difficult to write. My grandmother passed away on the 7th. Her surgery had gone well and she’d returned home the next day. I’d taken the week off from work and she had a few good days at home. She was having a few minor issues and then had a small fall Friday morning. My father came home from work and we called the home health nurse who agreed with us and recommended we take her to the emergency room. I had a test in my ASL class that day and my father said he’d stay with her and she was insisting I leave and go take my test. I told her I’d be back as soon as I was done, gave her a kiss goodbye and went to class. She passed a short time later, very peacefully. She had a DNR, a do not resuscitate. This means that if she passes we let her go, we don’t do CPR or use an AED, that she should just be made comfortable. This was what she wanted. Two years ago she almost passed away, but was resuscitate and wasn’t happy about that. She said she had seen golden streets and how dare we pull her away from that! The last few weeks she had been talking about how my grandpa, who’d passed away over a decade ago, should never have left her or about how she needed to go be with him.

I’m doing my best to accept this, but it’s difficult. I moved in with her and my grandpa when I was eighteen. Gradually over the last few years I’d been helping her more as she needed and would accept it. Aside from school she was my whole world. We were a bit codependent.

Right now the plan is that my brother and sister-in-law will move into the house with me when their lease is up at the end of July. The house is paid off and we only need to worry about the utilities and taxes. My father is going to ask them to pay for the utilities as I currently don’t have room in my budget for any other expenses. My aunt (my mom's sister)rented from my grandma and he’s hoping he can get her caught back up and paying on time and then we’ll use the rent money to pay for the taxes. I’m not sure how any of that will go just yet. My niece is 17 months and they have five pets. The newest is a kitten we found that insisted we love it the right when we came home from the ER after my grandma passed. With that many pets we’re worried about the hardwood floors and are thinking of converting the heated garage into a pet area. We’ll see. There is a lot of cleaning to do.

My aunt (my dad's sister) came in the day after my grandma passed, but could only stay a week. She was scheduled to come back in at the end of this month and that’s when we’ll hold the memorial service and make final decisions with who gets to keep what.

I’m doing my best to get back into my routine, which is hard now that my routine has changed so much.