Title: Reasons to Reconnect
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Pairing: Jack/Daniel, Daniel/Sha’re
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Even though he doesn’t know who he is Daniel knows he wants to follow Jack home. It’s a long slow road to recovering his memories. It takes even longer for him and Jack to get back together.
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Stargate. It’s not my toy box and I’m merely playing. I also own nothing to do with Star Wars, which had to be included since Jack kept referencing it.
A/N: Written for![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
princessofgeeks for the 2013 J/D ficathon. Thank you to Midnight Clarity for the beta and m14mouse for the title help. This generally follows the first three episodes for S7 and includes a rescue mission for SG-11.
Reasons to Reconnect:
From the moment that Daniel sees Jack a certainty that he’ll follow the other man anywhere fills him. He doesn’t recognize Jack. He doesn’t even feel certain that his name is Daniel, despite their claims, but he does have this feeling about Jack that won’t abate. It’s unsettling. He retreats, into a tent, unsure if he wants answers or not.
He’s wanted answers, but in the brief time since he woken up he’s never felt so strong a pull towards another person. Worse yet he can’t seem to get the man’s name right and keeps wanting to call him Jim. Every doubt he’s had about whom he might have been weighs him down and he just wants these people, who claim to know him, to leave.
Sam’s words are meant to sooth, but they leave him feeling new levels of anxiety. He pushes her away by asking if they’d ever been together. He half-expects Teal’c to try and help jog his memory as well, but instead he’s given space to make his own decisions. He listens to their conversations. There is worry for him and concern for their mission. He tries to tell himself that his life will be obviously quieter if he stays put, but he wants to follow Jim home. Jack, he wants to follow Jack home. He also wants to be of use, to help anyone he can and Sam’s words echo through him, making him certain he’ll do more good if he goes with them. He’s not sure how, but he’s determined to be more help than hindrance.
It with these doubts playing through him that the first memory slides into place. Jack is clinging to him, body rigid with tension and shoulders shaking, “I don’t think I can go through this again.”
“You can, you will,” Daniel soothes as he wraps his arms firmly around Jack.
Jack snorts, pulls back slightly and starts trying to scrub the tears off his face, “No. I broke down last time. I was, I just wanted to stop feeling.”
“You moved past that,” Daniel points out, “You rebuilt your life.”
“Seeing Charlie again, even though it wasn’t really him,” Jack trails off, looks away. He takes a deep breath, then continues, “I can’t become that dead inside again.”
Daniel doesn’t know what to say, but he pulls Jack into his arms, holds onto him tightly.
“I made it through last time because of you. I wanted to die and you gave me hope, made me want to live again,” Jack confesses with his face pressing against Daniel’s shoulder.
“No,” Daniel disagrees, “That was you.”
Jack’s pulls back, as his lips to quirk up into a half smile. Then Jack shakes his head, leans in and gives Daniel a kiss on the forehead.
The rest of the memory slides away from him. He knows there was more to their conversation, but it eludes him. Still, it’s a memory, the first to come back. He knows he has to follow them, SG-1, home, if only for the hope that more exposure to them will cause more memories to surface.
Stargate Command is confusing. The glasses help, except they don’t. He can see better than before, Daniel can’t deny that, but now he’s stuck with all these memories of Jack being handsy when it came to his glasses. Jack barely talks to him now and certainly doesn’t touch him. It hurts more when Jack occasionally reaches for his glasses, in what seems an unconscious gesture, and then catches himself and pulls abruptly away. It leaves Daniel aching in a way he’s not sure how to deal with.
“I’m reconnecting with Teal’c and Sam,” Daniel complains to Jonas as he gets a tour of what used to be his office, “but I think Jack’s avoiding me.”
“Give him time,” Jonas recommends as he folds himself into a chair, “Jack took your death hard. He tried not to let it affect him, but as much as I love it here I don’t think there is anything I could’ve done to fill your shoes, not in his eyes.”
“You shouldn’t have had to,” Daniel points out.
“But I did,” Jonas counters, “I was on his team. I did the translating. Our strengths and styles are different, but essentially I was on SG-1 to fill in the gap that your death left.”
Daniel opens his mouth to protest, shakes his head and curls in on himself, “I’m sorry.”
Jonas frowns at him in confusion, “There’s nothing for you to be sorry for. It took time, but I’ve learned to fit in. Jack…It’s been over a year, he’s still grieving and now suddenly you’re alive. That’s a big adjustment.”
“You’re advising I give him time,” Daniel summaries.
“Grief can be a long and difficult process,” Jonas reminds him. Daniel nods his agreement and their conversation turns to how Jonas has made the office more organized and Daniel’s delight at recognizing and remembering items from his time there. They agree they need to discuss sharing the space, but when Jonas invites him to lunch Daniel finds he’s still distracted by their earlier conversation. He’s still musing about grief and determining where he’s going to look for answers on the process when he reaches his door.
Then he’s remembering standing on Jack’s doorstep while feeling overwhelmed with grief and uncertainty. When Jack opens the door all he can say is, “I’m going to lose my wife.”
“We don’t know that yet,” Jack responds as he guides Daniel in through the doorway so he can close his door.
“It’s been over a year and we’re no closer to getting her back.”
Jack cups Daniel’s face, forces Daniel to look at him, “That’s why you don’t give up.”
Daniel closes his eyes and pulls in a halting breath. He doesn’t want to cry again, but can feel the tears forming.
“Daniel.”
He opens his eyes to look at Jack.
“No self-fulfilling prophecies.”
Daniel nods his agreement and leans in when Jack hugs him. They remain wrapped around each other for several moments before Daniel starts to pull away with apologizes on his lips and an explanation that today was Sha’re’s birthday. When he tilts his head towards Jack, Jack turns towards him and they find each other’s eyes. Their lips meet then. The kiss is part desperation, part comfort. Daniel backs up to the closed door, pulling Jack with him. It’s a needy kiss. They’re both breathing heavily as they pull away. Jack’s fingers are inching over Daniel’s back under his shirt, nails drawing a shudder out of Daniel as they trace over bare skin.
Jack apologizes as he pulls away. Daniel leans against the door, shuts his eyes tightly and apologizes himself, anything more and he’ll be reeling Jack in for another kiss. Jack lets out a frustrated huff and tells him, “Come on, let’s get you a beer.”
The memory leaves Daniel with more questions than answers. Teal’c and Sam help him fill in the blanks that the mission reports leave and are both patient with the sporadic way his memory is returning. He doesn’t ask them about his relationship with Jack, he wouldn’t feel right about it. If Jack wants to keep a careful distance between them, then Daniel feels he has to respect that. He remembers them being friends, but he’s pretty sure that it’s not culturally appropriate for friends to kiss each other the way he remembers them kissing. He doesn’t know where their relationship was at the time of his death and Jack isn’t helpful.
Jack does keep pointing out that their latest mission is shaping up to be more and more like a certain Star Wars mission. He complains loudly when Daniel doesn’t understand any of the references he keeps throwing around as humor. A team movie night follows. It idea of all of them gathering around a television and passing each other popcorn feels familiar, though Daniel is feels uncertain about watching a movie he clearly knew, but no longer remembers. It helps that this is Jonas’ first time seeing the movies.
“Why are we starting with the forth movie?” Jonas asks.
“It was filmed first,” Daniel finds himself answering. He stills, frowns and thinks about it for a moment as everyone around him pauses as well. Jack’s head peeks out of his kitchen. Daniel shrugs, “I think I’m remembering that right. The forth through sixth movies came out first and then years later the first three. Didn’t they redo some of the special effects on the older films and rerelease them?”
“Indeed they did, Daniel Jackson,” Teal’c encourages.
Jack’s grinning mischievously as he leaves the kitchen asking, “Hey Daniel, who shot first?”
“Han Solo?” he guesses, a half remembered rant from Jack starting to make more sense.
Jack whoops and grabs him into a hug. Daniel holds onto him tightly, bewildered by the sudden closeness, but dreading the inevitability of Jack pulling away. Sam takes in the look on Daniel’s face, meets his eyes and laughs, wrapping her arms around Jack from behind and pulling Teal’c in as well, prompting, “Team hug.”
As Teal’c wraps his arms around them Sam pulls Jonas in. As the five of them stand their hugging Jack gives them all a suspicious look, then he relaxes and pulls Daniel closer, ducking his head down against Daniel’s shoulder. Daniel mouths a quick ‘thank you’ to Sam, she smiles back her acknowledgement.
Movie night with the team lounging around Jack’s living room passing popcorn to each other and making occasional comments, brings other movie nights back into focus for Daniel. This, he realizes, had been one of the things they’d done as a group fairly frequently.
It also becomes a happy, recently made, memory he can go back to once their plan is set into motion and the inevitable fallout happens. Plans don’t survive first contact. Jonas goes back home. Their office seems lonely without him. Jack attempts to reach out.
“This can go back to the way it was,” Jack offers hovering in the door of Daniel’s office.
“If I ever remember the way it was,” Daniel complains back, “Are you really happy to see him go?”
Jack sighs, leans against the door as he waits for Daniel to calm down. Daniel huffs in frustration before settling into the chair behind his desk, worry that he’s missing the meaning behind Jack’s words.
“Look I was never comfortable with the guy. I tried to be. I wanted to be. It wasn’t fair to him because he was just trying to do what he thought was right. He worked hard to be useful, but in the end…”
Daniel leans back into the chair and waits.
Jack shakes his head and pushes off the doorframe, “Glad you’re back.”
Daniel can only watch Jack turn and walk away. There is a lot left unsaid in his words, but Daniel is too tired to pick through them for meaning. He scrubs a hand down his face and closes his eyes, lets the memory he feels brimming in the back of his mind wash over him.
Daniel is standing outside Jack’s door again, but this time Jack is with him. He’s weary, utterly drained and doesn’t resist when Jack takes him by the elbow to lead him in and onto the couch. Jack brings him a beer before sitting near him. Listlessly Daniel brings the beer to his mouth. Jack watches him quietly.
“She’s really gone,” Daniel manages, “No more dreams, no more clues, just goodbye.”
“I’m sorry.”
Daniel sets the beer on the coffee table and leans into Jack, closing his eyes as Jack wraps his arms around him.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Daniel manages.
Jack’s grip tightens, “Where else would I be?”
Daniel feels some of the tension ease out of his shoulders. Losing his wife is going to hurt for a long time, but he has good friends who will help him through it. He closes his eyes and lets Jack pull him close.
The memory leaves Daniel shaken. He has memories of Sha’re: their first meeting, his decision to stay, her joy at teaching him her culture. He remembers the lengthy discussions they’d had about history, education and religion. He remembers Sha’re and Skaara teaching him how to cook. He remembers the fear when Sha’re was taken by Apophis. He remembers the pain of losing Skaara. He knew Sha’re was dead, he’s read the mission report several times and yet now it feels real, in this moment, with this memory. He remembers how lost he’d felt, how he hadn’t wanted to accept her death and their lengthy goodbye.
Her loss is suddenly fresh, the grief feels new. He wants Jack, wants the support of his best friend. He takes several deep breaths hoping to reign his grief in long enough to make it to his room on base, but the tears are already falling. He buries his face in his hands.
Teal’c finds him, pulls up a chair and is a quiet, supportive presence at his side.
“I remembered her dying,” he manages after several moments.
“I am truly sorry Daniel Jackson.”
“You saved my life.”
Teal’c nods before placing the tissues within reach. Apologizing Daniel takes one.
“Grief does not need to be apologized for.”
Daniel nods, takes several slow breaths and dries his eyes.
“Do you require a hug?” Teal’c teases.
“I might,” Daniel teases back as his lips curl slightly upwards. Teal’c nods, stands and pulls him up into a hug. Daniel leans into him, whispering,“Thank you.”
“You are welcome,” Teal’c acknowledges before walking him to the nearest bathroom to rinse off his face with warm water and then to his room. Teal’c offers his company and as much as Daniel wants the company he insists he wants to be alone.
Sam shows up some time later. She brings a chair near his bed, sits and takes his hand, “Teal’c asked me to check on you. When Teal’c worries, the rest of us worry.”
“He’s like a mother hen,” Daniel tries
Sam raises her eyebrows, “Not your best joke.”
Daniel shrugs, “I’m having a rough day.”
“Jack said he was going to try and work things out with you,” Sam sighs.
“Jack isn’t the easiest man to understand,” he sighs back.
“No, no he isn’t,” she agrees, “but he does care about you.”
Daniel opens his mouth to agree and then closes his mouth. He shuts his eyes tightly, trying to pull together his thoughts on the matter. Sam know him enough to give him the time to do so. Daniel sits up and looks at her. He squeezes her hand and then pulls away to take his glasses from his nightstand. He pushes them into place before he sighs and tells her, “I wish I could say that I know that, but I can’t. I remember, am remembering, but that isn’t the same as knowing and it the not the same as it being true. I know he cared for me. I know we were really good friends, but I think my dying might have ruined that.”
“Daniel,” Sam starts and then shakes her head.
“I have you and Teal’c,” he tries to reason, “and so many others. I can even go visit Jonas if I want to, but…”
He wants Jack. A part of him is starting to realize he’s always going to want Jack and that he might have to accept that Jack doesn’t want him. He also knows that he can’t share with Sam that he has memories of him and Jack as a couple, that he’s certain they were still together when he died. He’s not sure what to do with the guilt of putting Jack through that. He’s not sure Jack and he can move forward or if their past will keep them at odds with each other.
“Give him time Daniel,” Sam advises, “I know that it feels like a lot of time has passed, but it really hasn’t. He had a year to get use to the idea that you were dead and now you’re here, alive and well. Jack’s stubborn and doesn’t always adjust to change quickly, but he’ll get there. You’re important enough to him that he will get there, so don’t give up on him.”
Daniel nods his agreement and then insists on a lighter topic.
He does his best to settle in, not be lost in the questions of his past, but then a fifteen year old Jack shows up. Daniel’s not proud of himself, but he does his best to avoid the situation. The guy he’s attracted to, whom he once had a relationship with is now fifteen. The relief Daniel feels when they realize that the fifteen year old Jack is a clone, makes him feel guilty. He’s not sure how to take a fifteen year old dying Jack, but he can’t help the relief he feels knowing that there is another Jack, his Jack, who is alive and hopefully well out. They plan how to get their Jack back, are just waiting for the right moment when the younger Jack asks to see him.
When Daniel steps into the room the young boy who moves and speaks just the same as the Jack they’ve grown to know is playing on the Gameboy someone gave him with his legs curled up to his chest and his head leaning against the wall. He gives Daniel a wary, tired look.
“You invited me here,” Daniel reminds.
He indicates a spot on the bed with his chin. Daniel sits. Jack inches closer slowly and when Daniel doesn’t make a move to get up he closes the distance between them, lifts Daniel’s arm to accommodate him and then leans against Daniel’s side. Jack sighs and brings his game boy back up.
Daniel stills, several protests forming and dying in the back of his throat.
“I’m dying,” Jack reminds him, “Humor me.”
Daniel starts to ask for clarification when Jack huffs in annoyance. Instinctively Daniel pulls him closer, Jack relaxes against him with a small sad smile on his face.
“I’m sorry,” Daniel offers.
“Yeah, I know,” Jack acknowledges as he pauses the game, “but he should be happy to have you back. He misses cuddling with you.”
“He does?”
“Look, he-I-we…He’s always been a tactile guy,” the younger Jack offers.
“Can’t tell lately,” Daniel reminds.
“Yeah well, we never really work through our shit quickly or easily,” Jack shrugs, “And we prefer to do it alone.”
“And yet you’ve stopped brooding,” Daniel prods, the edge of teasing in his voice.
“I’m thinking of taking it back up, see if I can milk it for all it’s worth,” Jack teases back.
Daniel groans.
“I know, I know,” Jack laughs, “A broody teenager, I could be the cliché.”
“Somehow I think you’d make it unique.”
Jack shrugs against him, “Either way it’s time I stop thinking I’m him and accept I’m not. I have to try and make the most of what time I get.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Jack tells him, “I mean this isn’t what I wanted it to be, not by a long shot, but I’m sure big me will fix things and be a bit vindictive for me. You’ll get your Jack back and all go on with your merry lives.”
“That’s…” Daniel starts to protest, but pauses not sure what to say.
“Danny, give older me a chance to fix this, the two of you. Give him a chance to realize he’s screwing it up. I’ll be fine,” Jack tells him before pulling away and going back to his video game.
“Jack,” Daniel starts.
“I don’t want to hear you apologize or about your guilt. Go, I’ve got a game to beat before we save old me.”
They save their Jack or rather thankfully Thor shows up and helps fix everything, even the younger Jack…who now has a whole new life to live. Daniel isn’t sure he’d want to start over as a fifteen year old, but his Jack, their Jack, says the kid is happy and Daniel isn’t going to question it. He and Jack are still tentative with each other and Daniel isn’t sure how to approach him, if he should even bring up the memories he has or the conversation he had with the younger Jack. He’s still internally debating with himself when SG-1 is sent on a mission to rescue SG-11.
The moment they step through the Stargate they’re surrounded. Daniel is only momentarily aware of the large number of Dalians holding guns standing in front of them when Jack is suddenly between him and the Dalians complaining, “Sam, I thought they agreed to a meeting? I thought we came here to discuss how sorry SG-11 is for doing whatever it is they did and how much we all want to make nice with each other.”
“I was under that impression too sir,” Sam placates.
Jack nods decisively. Daniel attempts to step out from behind Jack, but Jack follows him step for step for about three steps so that Daniel stays behind him. Daniel stills and glares at the back of Jack’s head. Some of the Dalians laugh.
“O’Neill,” Teal’c warns.
“What?” Jack shrugs, “We’re supposed to be talking to Aislin. So why don’t we find her and start talking?”
A man with salt and pepper hair steps away from his people to inform them, “She’s on her way, with your people.”
“Thanks,” Jack tells him, “What’s with the greeting party?”
“We’re here to make sure that no one else more travels to The Ruins.”
“Well that can’t be good,” Sam comments.
“It is what it is,” the man shrugs. Jack grins and introduces the team. The man shakes Jack’s hand, giving his own name, “Ron.”
Jack nods, looks about to say something more but Aislin and SG-11 round a corner in the path and start for them.
“They are missing two,” Teal’c observes.
“Major Lorne and Lieutenant Ritter,” Daniel fills in.
“Indeed,” Teal’c agrees.
“Aislin,” Jack greets, “What can we help you with today?”
She raises her eyebrows at Jack. Jack raises his eyebrows. She glares. Jack grins at her. Aislin shakes her head before pulling her black hair into a ponytail. She sighs, “We need you to send your people home. Obviously we want SG-1 to stay. Lieutenant Ritter is already in The Ruins attempting to assist us and we need to discuss Major Lorne as we travel there. Time is short.”
Jack nods, then turns to SG-11’s leader, “Colonel Edwards.”
“Sir,” Edwards acknowledges.
“I trust you can get the rest of your people through the gate,” Jack prompts.
Edwards agrees. It doesn’t take long for Jack to converse with Edwards in a low voice before most of SG-11 is sent back to the SGC.
“Alright,” Jack prompts, “Let’s get this show on the road.”
Aislin ushers them down the path and Daniel moves to walk towards Jack, “Playing it up a bit aren’t you?”
Jack shrugs, “Trying to dispel tension. All we really know is that they were hear to explore ruins left by the Ancients and that somehow Lorne managed to turn everything on.”
“He managed to turn on a weapon,” Aislin informs them.
Daniel isn’t the only member of SG-1 to pick up the pace.
“Was anyone hurt?” Sam prompts.
“Not yet. I’ve had several meetings with the government and it’s taken a lot to get permission for you to be here, but…” she trails off.
“But,” Jack prompts after a moment.
She takes a deep breath and informs them, “They’re nearly done evacuating the town the weapon is targeting, but they’ve taken your Major there. They deemed it his punishment for waking The Ruins and turning on the ancient weapon.”
“How much time to we have before the weapon goes off?” Daniel asks as the group picks up their pace yet again.
“Two of your hours,” Aislin informs them, “I did what I could. They insisted on taking your Major through your Lieutenant, who insisted on staying behind, is sure that we can use him to fix the problem.”
“What exactly happened?” Sam pushes.
“I wasn’t there, it’ll be better if you question your Lieutenant. You’ll get more details,” she informs them.
The building Aislin leads them into has a long corridor that opens into an circular shaped room, lined in what used to be windows. There is a large raised oval shaped control panel in the middle of the room with several tubes that rise through the ceiling. Lieutenant Ritter is under the control panel, only his legs sticking out to show them where he is. Several Dalians are working on computer nearby. A screen set up near the windows has a countdown to when the weapon will go off on it. The screen set up near it shows Major Lorne tied up to a chair in the center of the town that the weapon is targeting. Jack lets Ritter know he’ll be joining him as Daniel moves to the nearest panel that has Ancient writing on it. Maybe if he can find a guide on how this weapon works they can find a way to shut it down. Teal’c moves to stand guard as Sam joins Jack and Ritter.
“I really do think he can shut it off,” Ritter tells them, “We were working on compiling data from the room when Lorne mentioned that he thought it would be easier if everything was turned on. Then everything turned on.”
“So you’re thinking that if he walks in and tells everything to shut off, it will?” Jack asks.
“It’s at least worth a try, nothing else we’ve tried is working,” Ritter sighs.
Jack extracts himself from under the control panel, dusts off his hands. Daniel stills to look at him. Jack grins at him then shrugs before demanding, “Off!”
Everything shuts down.
Sam slides out from under the control panel to look at Jack with wide eyes. Ritter sags in relief. Aislin moves away from the person she was working with the look around. The blonde woman at the computer nods. Aislin turns to Jack, “I should easily be able to get your Major for you, but it will be a condition of our people working together that neither you or your Major may ever return.”
“Agreed,” Jack tells her as he stands.
Aislin is right, Major Lorne is quickly released to them and they all head home. Jack complains in the debrief that the whole thing was rather anti-climatic, but he feels he did a good job of telling the Ancient device what to do.
“Usually these things are screwing with my head,” Jack reminds.
Thankfully the debrief goes quickly and Daniel finds himself able to catch up to Jack afterwards. The corridor is quiet and that gives Daniel the strength to tell Jack, “I think we need to talk.”
Jack stills and Daniel frowns at the way Jack seems to be closing in on himself.
“Nothing bad,” Daniel tries, “I…just…look we can’t keep doing this to each other and this isn’t the best place for this discussion.”
“My place?” Jack suggests.
Daniel nods, “Meet you by your car in thirty minutes?”
Jack nods. It gives them both enough time to take showers, change into fresh clothes and then calm before meeting. They make small talk on the drive to Jack’s house. Daniel settles on the couch while Jack orders them dinner. It’s familiar and Daniel finds he’s tired of the way it makes him ache. Jack hovers in the doorway a moment before he drops into a chair near the couch. Jack runs a tired hand over his face, “Your show Danny.”
Daniel opens his mouth, thinks of several things to say and then closes his mouth. Daniel sighs and settles for, “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry about.”
“Yes I do,” Daniel tells him, “I hurt you so badly that you can barely look at me, barely talk to me and yet the first time we step through the gate and everyone’s holding guns you’re backed into me to put yourself between me and those guns.”
Jack wets his lips.
“I know it’s not fair to ask, but could we maybe try again?” Daniel manages.
Jack stands, “Try what again?”
Daniel raises his eyebrows then elaborates, “You and me.”
Jack bites his lip.
“I know I’m remembering this right and I’m tired of only remembering. I want to be living it. I want…” Daniel trails off as Jack folds himself across Daniel’s lap, straddling Daniel’s hips and cups his face. Jack’s eyes dart over him. Daniel tries to smile.
“I’ve been an ass,” Jack points out.
“You have,” Daniel agrees, “but I didn’t remember anything and it took us years to get together so while I’m not giving you a free pass for that I think it’s somewhat understandable.”
“What do you remember?” Jack asks.
“Everything,” Daniel smiles. He laughs at Jack’s skeptical look and elaborates, “I remember the first time you kissed me. I remember our first anniversary. I remember that camping trip where nothing seemed to go right, not even the fishing. I remember that birthday were we accidently bought Cassandra the same card. I remember when we finally decided to be a couple. I remember the way you liked me to cook your steak. I remember the way you wouldn’t stop playing with my glasses. I remember the way you like to cuddle in the morning, then have a shower together before we go out to breakfast. I remember how much you enjoy it when I call you Jim while you…”
Jack cuts off his words with a kiss and Daniel pulls Jack closer. They kiss for several long moments before Jack pulls away and asks, “Everything?”
“Yes,” Daniel reiterates, before he asks, “Make new memories with me?”
Jack grins and kisses him again.
Daniel is leaning his head against Jack’s side with Jack’s arm around his chest as he lazily read a book that Janet had recommended to him. Jack is slowly, methodically going through the TV channels. Daniel knows he’ll settle on a game, more than likely hockey.
Jack turns the TV off. Daniel tilts his head back. Jack leans forward to kiss his forehead. Daniel frowns, they haven’t kissed in a long time. They touch all the time and are nearly inseparable outside of work, but they haven’t kissed in a long time.
“I’ve been thinking,” Jack tells him.
“A dangerous pastime,” Daniel teases as he sits up and sets the book on the coffee table to give Jack all his attention.
“What did we do today?” Jack asks.
Daniel shrugs, “It was a typical day.”
“Exactly,” Jack points out, “We woke up, in my bed with cuddling. We took turns in the shower. Got breakfast. Ran errands. Ate lunch at a restaurant we both like. Then we came home, put groceries away before we settled on the couch for a lazy afternoon.”
“We do that all the time,” Daniel points out.
“You have your own toothbrush,” Jack continues.
“Which you bought me,” Daniel counters.
“You have space in my closet and a drawer in my dresser,” Jack tries again.
“Do you not want my stuff here?” Daniel frowns, “Cause I’ve tried to go home, but you like cuddling.”
Jack lets out a frustrated breath. Daniel gives him a teasing smile before he moves forward, straddles Jack’s hips and smiles down at him.
“We’re basically in a relationship except for sex,” Jack spells out as his hands settle on Daniel’s thighs.
“Oh?” Daniel smiles.
Jack laughs, “So that was on the table this whole time?”
Daniel shrugs, “Maybe not the whole time.”
Jack hums thoughtfully before he says, “I had this whole speech prepared about how it’s not fair for me to ask you to be in a relationship with me since we can’t be open about it because of my career, but now I’m worried I’m wasting time by not kissing you right now.”
“You’re my best friend,” Daniel points out, “My time with you is never wasted.”
They smiles as their lips meet.
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Pairing: Jack/Daniel, Daniel/Sha’re
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Even though he doesn’t know who he is Daniel knows he wants to follow Jack home. It’s a long slow road to recovering his memories. It takes even longer for him and Jack to get back together.
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Stargate. It’s not my toy box and I’m merely playing. I also own nothing to do with Star Wars, which had to be included since Jack kept referencing it.
A/N: Written for
princessofgeeks for the 2013 J/D ficathon. Thank you to Midnight Clarity for the beta and m14mouse for the title help. This generally follows the first three episodes for S7 and includes a rescue mission for SG-11.Reasons to Reconnect:
From the moment that Daniel sees Jack a certainty that he’ll follow the other man anywhere fills him. He doesn’t recognize Jack. He doesn’t even feel certain that his name is Daniel, despite their claims, but he does have this feeling about Jack that won’t abate. It’s unsettling. He retreats, into a tent, unsure if he wants answers or not.
He’s wanted answers, but in the brief time since he woken up he’s never felt so strong a pull towards another person. Worse yet he can’t seem to get the man’s name right and keeps wanting to call him Jim. Every doubt he’s had about whom he might have been weighs him down and he just wants these people, who claim to know him, to leave.
Sam’s words are meant to sooth, but they leave him feeling new levels of anxiety. He pushes her away by asking if they’d ever been together. He half-expects Teal’c to try and help jog his memory as well, but instead he’s given space to make his own decisions. He listens to their conversations. There is worry for him and concern for their mission. He tries to tell himself that his life will be obviously quieter if he stays put, but he wants to follow Jim home. Jack, he wants to follow Jack home. He also wants to be of use, to help anyone he can and Sam’s words echo through him, making him certain he’ll do more good if he goes with them. He’s not sure how, but he’s determined to be more help than hindrance.
It with these doubts playing through him that the first memory slides into place. Jack is clinging to him, body rigid with tension and shoulders shaking, “I don’t think I can go through this again.”
“You can, you will,” Daniel soothes as he wraps his arms firmly around Jack.
Jack snorts, pulls back slightly and starts trying to scrub the tears off his face, “No. I broke down last time. I was, I just wanted to stop feeling.”
“You moved past that,” Daniel points out, “You rebuilt your life.”
“Seeing Charlie again, even though it wasn’t really him,” Jack trails off, looks away. He takes a deep breath, then continues, “I can’t become that dead inside again.”
Daniel doesn’t know what to say, but he pulls Jack into his arms, holds onto him tightly.
“I made it through last time because of you. I wanted to die and you gave me hope, made me want to live again,” Jack confesses with his face pressing against Daniel’s shoulder.
“No,” Daniel disagrees, “That was you.”
Jack’s pulls back, as his lips to quirk up into a half smile. Then Jack shakes his head, leans in and gives Daniel a kiss on the forehead.
The rest of the memory slides away from him. He knows there was more to their conversation, but it eludes him. Still, it’s a memory, the first to come back. He knows he has to follow them, SG-1, home, if only for the hope that more exposure to them will cause more memories to surface.
Stargate Command is confusing. The glasses help, except they don’t. He can see better than before, Daniel can’t deny that, but now he’s stuck with all these memories of Jack being handsy when it came to his glasses. Jack barely talks to him now and certainly doesn’t touch him. It hurts more when Jack occasionally reaches for his glasses, in what seems an unconscious gesture, and then catches himself and pulls abruptly away. It leaves Daniel aching in a way he’s not sure how to deal with.
“I’m reconnecting with Teal’c and Sam,” Daniel complains to Jonas as he gets a tour of what used to be his office, “but I think Jack’s avoiding me.”
“Give him time,” Jonas recommends as he folds himself into a chair, “Jack took your death hard. He tried not to let it affect him, but as much as I love it here I don’t think there is anything I could’ve done to fill your shoes, not in his eyes.”
“You shouldn’t have had to,” Daniel points out.
“But I did,” Jonas counters, “I was on his team. I did the translating. Our strengths and styles are different, but essentially I was on SG-1 to fill in the gap that your death left.”
Daniel opens his mouth to protest, shakes his head and curls in on himself, “I’m sorry.”
Jonas frowns at him in confusion, “There’s nothing for you to be sorry for. It took time, but I’ve learned to fit in. Jack…It’s been over a year, he’s still grieving and now suddenly you’re alive. That’s a big adjustment.”
“You’re advising I give him time,” Daniel summaries.
“Grief can be a long and difficult process,” Jonas reminds him. Daniel nods his agreement and their conversation turns to how Jonas has made the office more organized and Daniel’s delight at recognizing and remembering items from his time there. They agree they need to discuss sharing the space, but when Jonas invites him to lunch Daniel finds he’s still distracted by their earlier conversation. He’s still musing about grief and determining where he’s going to look for answers on the process when he reaches his door.
Then he’s remembering standing on Jack’s doorstep while feeling overwhelmed with grief and uncertainty. When Jack opens the door all he can say is, “I’m going to lose my wife.”
“We don’t know that yet,” Jack responds as he guides Daniel in through the doorway so he can close his door.
“It’s been over a year and we’re no closer to getting her back.”
Jack cups Daniel’s face, forces Daniel to look at him, “That’s why you don’t give up.”
Daniel closes his eyes and pulls in a halting breath. He doesn’t want to cry again, but can feel the tears forming.
“Daniel.”
He opens his eyes to look at Jack.
“No self-fulfilling prophecies.”
Daniel nods his agreement and leans in when Jack hugs him. They remain wrapped around each other for several moments before Daniel starts to pull away with apologizes on his lips and an explanation that today was Sha’re’s birthday. When he tilts his head towards Jack, Jack turns towards him and they find each other’s eyes. Their lips meet then. The kiss is part desperation, part comfort. Daniel backs up to the closed door, pulling Jack with him. It’s a needy kiss. They’re both breathing heavily as they pull away. Jack’s fingers are inching over Daniel’s back under his shirt, nails drawing a shudder out of Daniel as they trace over bare skin.
Jack apologizes as he pulls away. Daniel leans against the door, shuts his eyes tightly and apologizes himself, anything more and he’ll be reeling Jack in for another kiss. Jack lets out a frustrated huff and tells him, “Come on, let’s get you a beer.”
The memory leaves Daniel with more questions than answers. Teal’c and Sam help him fill in the blanks that the mission reports leave and are both patient with the sporadic way his memory is returning. He doesn’t ask them about his relationship with Jack, he wouldn’t feel right about it. If Jack wants to keep a careful distance between them, then Daniel feels he has to respect that. He remembers them being friends, but he’s pretty sure that it’s not culturally appropriate for friends to kiss each other the way he remembers them kissing. He doesn’t know where their relationship was at the time of his death and Jack isn’t helpful.
Jack does keep pointing out that their latest mission is shaping up to be more and more like a certain Star Wars mission. He complains loudly when Daniel doesn’t understand any of the references he keeps throwing around as humor. A team movie night follows. It idea of all of them gathering around a television and passing each other popcorn feels familiar, though Daniel is feels uncertain about watching a movie he clearly knew, but no longer remembers. It helps that this is Jonas’ first time seeing the movies.
“Why are we starting with the forth movie?” Jonas asks.
“It was filmed first,” Daniel finds himself answering. He stills, frowns and thinks about it for a moment as everyone around him pauses as well. Jack’s head peeks out of his kitchen. Daniel shrugs, “I think I’m remembering that right. The forth through sixth movies came out first and then years later the first three. Didn’t they redo some of the special effects on the older films and rerelease them?”
“Indeed they did, Daniel Jackson,” Teal’c encourages.
Jack’s grinning mischievously as he leaves the kitchen asking, “Hey Daniel, who shot first?”
“Han Solo?” he guesses, a half remembered rant from Jack starting to make more sense.
Jack whoops and grabs him into a hug. Daniel holds onto him tightly, bewildered by the sudden closeness, but dreading the inevitability of Jack pulling away. Sam takes in the look on Daniel’s face, meets his eyes and laughs, wrapping her arms around Jack from behind and pulling Teal’c in as well, prompting, “Team hug.”
As Teal’c wraps his arms around them Sam pulls Jonas in. As the five of them stand their hugging Jack gives them all a suspicious look, then he relaxes and pulls Daniel closer, ducking his head down against Daniel’s shoulder. Daniel mouths a quick ‘thank you’ to Sam, she smiles back her acknowledgement.
Movie night with the team lounging around Jack’s living room passing popcorn to each other and making occasional comments, brings other movie nights back into focus for Daniel. This, he realizes, had been one of the things they’d done as a group fairly frequently.
It also becomes a happy, recently made, memory he can go back to once their plan is set into motion and the inevitable fallout happens. Plans don’t survive first contact. Jonas goes back home. Their office seems lonely without him. Jack attempts to reach out.
“This can go back to the way it was,” Jack offers hovering in the door of Daniel’s office.
“If I ever remember the way it was,” Daniel complains back, “Are you really happy to see him go?”
Jack sighs, leans against the door as he waits for Daniel to calm down. Daniel huffs in frustration before settling into the chair behind his desk, worry that he’s missing the meaning behind Jack’s words.
“Look I was never comfortable with the guy. I tried to be. I wanted to be. It wasn’t fair to him because he was just trying to do what he thought was right. He worked hard to be useful, but in the end…”
Daniel leans back into the chair and waits.
Jack shakes his head and pushes off the doorframe, “Glad you’re back.”
Daniel can only watch Jack turn and walk away. There is a lot left unsaid in his words, but Daniel is too tired to pick through them for meaning. He scrubs a hand down his face and closes his eyes, lets the memory he feels brimming in the back of his mind wash over him.
Daniel is standing outside Jack’s door again, but this time Jack is with him. He’s weary, utterly drained and doesn’t resist when Jack takes him by the elbow to lead him in and onto the couch. Jack brings him a beer before sitting near him. Listlessly Daniel brings the beer to his mouth. Jack watches him quietly.
“She’s really gone,” Daniel manages, “No more dreams, no more clues, just goodbye.”
“I’m sorry.”
Daniel sets the beer on the coffee table and leans into Jack, closing his eyes as Jack wraps his arms around him.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Daniel manages.
Jack’s grip tightens, “Where else would I be?”
Daniel feels some of the tension ease out of his shoulders. Losing his wife is going to hurt for a long time, but he has good friends who will help him through it. He closes his eyes and lets Jack pull him close.
The memory leaves Daniel shaken. He has memories of Sha’re: their first meeting, his decision to stay, her joy at teaching him her culture. He remembers the lengthy discussions they’d had about history, education and religion. He remembers Sha’re and Skaara teaching him how to cook. He remembers the fear when Sha’re was taken by Apophis. He remembers the pain of losing Skaara. He knew Sha’re was dead, he’s read the mission report several times and yet now it feels real, in this moment, with this memory. He remembers how lost he’d felt, how he hadn’t wanted to accept her death and their lengthy goodbye.
Her loss is suddenly fresh, the grief feels new. He wants Jack, wants the support of his best friend. He takes several deep breaths hoping to reign his grief in long enough to make it to his room on base, but the tears are already falling. He buries his face in his hands.
Teal’c finds him, pulls up a chair and is a quiet, supportive presence at his side.
“I remembered her dying,” he manages after several moments.
“I am truly sorry Daniel Jackson.”
“You saved my life.”
Teal’c nods before placing the tissues within reach. Apologizing Daniel takes one.
“Grief does not need to be apologized for.”
Daniel nods, takes several slow breaths and dries his eyes.
“Do you require a hug?” Teal’c teases.
“I might,” Daniel teases back as his lips curl slightly upwards. Teal’c nods, stands and pulls him up into a hug. Daniel leans into him, whispering,“Thank you.”
“You are welcome,” Teal’c acknowledges before walking him to the nearest bathroom to rinse off his face with warm water and then to his room. Teal’c offers his company and as much as Daniel wants the company he insists he wants to be alone.
Sam shows up some time later. She brings a chair near his bed, sits and takes his hand, “Teal’c asked me to check on you. When Teal’c worries, the rest of us worry.”
“He’s like a mother hen,” Daniel tries
Sam raises her eyebrows, “Not your best joke.”
Daniel shrugs, “I’m having a rough day.”
“Jack said he was going to try and work things out with you,” Sam sighs.
“Jack isn’t the easiest man to understand,” he sighs back.
“No, no he isn’t,” she agrees, “but he does care about you.”
Daniel opens his mouth to agree and then closes his mouth. He shuts his eyes tightly, trying to pull together his thoughts on the matter. Sam know him enough to give him the time to do so. Daniel sits up and looks at her. He squeezes her hand and then pulls away to take his glasses from his nightstand. He pushes them into place before he sighs and tells her, “I wish I could say that I know that, but I can’t. I remember, am remembering, but that isn’t the same as knowing and it the not the same as it being true. I know he cared for me. I know we were really good friends, but I think my dying might have ruined that.”
“Daniel,” Sam starts and then shakes her head.
“I have you and Teal’c,” he tries to reason, “and so many others. I can even go visit Jonas if I want to, but…”
He wants Jack. A part of him is starting to realize he’s always going to want Jack and that he might have to accept that Jack doesn’t want him. He also knows that he can’t share with Sam that he has memories of him and Jack as a couple, that he’s certain they were still together when he died. He’s not sure what to do with the guilt of putting Jack through that. He’s not sure Jack and he can move forward or if their past will keep them at odds with each other.
“Give him time Daniel,” Sam advises, “I know that it feels like a lot of time has passed, but it really hasn’t. He had a year to get use to the idea that you were dead and now you’re here, alive and well. Jack’s stubborn and doesn’t always adjust to change quickly, but he’ll get there. You’re important enough to him that he will get there, so don’t give up on him.”
Daniel nods his agreement and then insists on a lighter topic.
He does his best to settle in, not be lost in the questions of his past, but then a fifteen year old Jack shows up. Daniel’s not proud of himself, but he does his best to avoid the situation. The guy he’s attracted to, whom he once had a relationship with is now fifteen. The relief Daniel feels when they realize that the fifteen year old Jack is a clone, makes him feel guilty. He’s not sure how to take a fifteen year old dying Jack, but he can’t help the relief he feels knowing that there is another Jack, his Jack, who is alive and hopefully well out. They plan how to get their Jack back, are just waiting for the right moment when the younger Jack asks to see him.
When Daniel steps into the room the young boy who moves and speaks just the same as the Jack they’ve grown to know is playing on the Gameboy someone gave him with his legs curled up to his chest and his head leaning against the wall. He gives Daniel a wary, tired look.
“You invited me here,” Daniel reminds.
He indicates a spot on the bed with his chin. Daniel sits. Jack inches closer slowly and when Daniel doesn’t make a move to get up he closes the distance between them, lifts Daniel’s arm to accommodate him and then leans against Daniel’s side. Jack sighs and brings his game boy back up.
Daniel stills, several protests forming and dying in the back of his throat.
“I’m dying,” Jack reminds him, “Humor me.”
Daniel starts to ask for clarification when Jack huffs in annoyance. Instinctively Daniel pulls him closer, Jack relaxes against him with a small sad smile on his face.
“I’m sorry,” Daniel offers.
“Yeah, I know,” Jack acknowledges as he pauses the game, “but he should be happy to have you back. He misses cuddling with you.”
“He does?”
“Look, he-I-we…He’s always been a tactile guy,” the younger Jack offers.
“Can’t tell lately,” Daniel reminds.
“Yeah well, we never really work through our shit quickly or easily,” Jack shrugs, “And we prefer to do it alone.”
“And yet you’ve stopped brooding,” Daniel prods, the edge of teasing in his voice.
“I’m thinking of taking it back up, see if I can milk it for all it’s worth,” Jack teases back.
Daniel groans.
“I know, I know,” Jack laughs, “A broody teenager, I could be the cliché.”
“Somehow I think you’d make it unique.”
Jack shrugs against him, “Either way it’s time I stop thinking I’m him and accept I’m not. I have to try and make the most of what time I get.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Jack tells him, “I mean this isn’t what I wanted it to be, not by a long shot, but I’m sure big me will fix things and be a bit vindictive for me. You’ll get your Jack back and all go on with your merry lives.”
“That’s…” Daniel starts to protest, but pauses not sure what to say.
“Danny, give older me a chance to fix this, the two of you. Give him a chance to realize he’s screwing it up. I’ll be fine,” Jack tells him before pulling away and going back to his video game.
“Jack,” Daniel starts.
“I don’t want to hear you apologize or about your guilt. Go, I’ve got a game to beat before we save old me.”
They save their Jack or rather thankfully Thor shows up and helps fix everything, even the younger Jack…who now has a whole new life to live. Daniel isn’t sure he’d want to start over as a fifteen year old, but his Jack, their Jack, says the kid is happy and Daniel isn’t going to question it. He and Jack are still tentative with each other and Daniel isn’t sure how to approach him, if he should even bring up the memories he has or the conversation he had with the younger Jack. He’s still internally debating with himself when SG-1 is sent on a mission to rescue SG-11.
The moment they step through the Stargate they’re surrounded. Daniel is only momentarily aware of the large number of Dalians holding guns standing in front of them when Jack is suddenly between him and the Dalians complaining, “Sam, I thought they agreed to a meeting? I thought we came here to discuss how sorry SG-11 is for doing whatever it is they did and how much we all want to make nice with each other.”
“I was under that impression too sir,” Sam placates.
Jack nods decisively. Daniel attempts to step out from behind Jack, but Jack follows him step for step for about three steps so that Daniel stays behind him. Daniel stills and glares at the back of Jack’s head. Some of the Dalians laugh.
“O’Neill,” Teal’c warns.
“What?” Jack shrugs, “We’re supposed to be talking to Aislin. So why don’t we find her and start talking?”
A man with salt and pepper hair steps away from his people to inform them, “She’s on her way, with your people.”
“Thanks,” Jack tells him, “What’s with the greeting party?”
“We’re here to make sure that no one else more travels to The Ruins.”
“Well that can’t be good,” Sam comments.
“It is what it is,” the man shrugs. Jack grins and introduces the team. The man shakes Jack’s hand, giving his own name, “Ron.”
Jack nods, looks about to say something more but Aislin and SG-11 round a corner in the path and start for them.
“They are missing two,” Teal’c observes.
“Major Lorne and Lieutenant Ritter,” Daniel fills in.
“Indeed,” Teal’c agrees.
“Aislin,” Jack greets, “What can we help you with today?”
She raises her eyebrows at Jack. Jack raises his eyebrows. She glares. Jack grins at her. Aislin shakes her head before pulling her black hair into a ponytail. She sighs, “We need you to send your people home. Obviously we want SG-1 to stay. Lieutenant Ritter is already in The Ruins attempting to assist us and we need to discuss Major Lorne as we travel there. Time is short.”
Jack nods, then turns to SG-11’s leader, “Colonel Edwards.”
“Sir,” Edwards acknowledges.
“I trust you can get the rest of your people through the gate,” Jack prompts.
Edwards agrees. It doesn’t take long for Jack to converse with Edwards in a low voice before most of SG-11 is sent back to the SGC.
“Alright,” Jack prompts, “Let’s get this show on the road.”
Aislin ushers them down the path and Daniel moves to walk towards Jack, “Playing it up a bit aren’t you?”
Jack shrugs, “Trying to dispel tension. All we really know is that they were hear to explore ruins left by the Ancients and that somehow Lorne managed to turn everything on.”
“He managed to turn on a weapon,” Aislin informs them.
Daniel isn’t the only member of SG-1 to pick up the pace.
“Was anyone hurt?” Sam prompts.
“Not yet. I’ve had several meetings with the government and it’s taken a lot to get permission for you to be here, but…” she trails off.
“But,” Jack prompts after a moment.
She takes a deep breath and informs them, “They’re nearly done evacuating the town the weapon is targeting, but they’ve taken your Major there. They deemed it his punishment for waking The Ruins and turning on the ancient weapon.”
“How much time to we have before the weapon goes off?” Daniel asks as the group picks up their pace yet again.
“Two of your hours,” Aislin informs them, “I did what I could. They insisted on taking your Major through your Lieutenant, who insisted on staying behind, is sure that we can use him to fix the problem.”
“What exactly happened?” Sam pushes.
“I wasn’t there, it’ll be better if you question your Lieutenant. You’ll get more details,” she informs them.
The building Aislin leads them into has a long corridor that opens into an circular shaped room, lined in what used to be windows. There is a large raised oval shaped control panel in the middle of the room with several tubes that rise through the ceiling. Lieutenant Ritter is under the control panel, only his legs sticking out to show them where he is. Several Dalians are working on computer nearby. A screen set up near the windows has a countdown to when the weapon will go off on it. The screen set up near it shows Major Lorne tied up to a chair in the center of the town that the weapon is targeting. Jack lets Ritter know he’ll be joining him as Daniel moves to the nearest panel that has Ancient writing on it. Maybe if he can find a guide on how this weapon works they can find a way to shut it down. Teal’c moves to stand guard as Sam joins Jack and Ritter.
“I really do think he can shut it off,” Ritter tells them, “We were working on compiling data from the room when Lorne mentioned that he thought it would be easier if everything was turned on. Then everything turned on.”
“So you’re thinking that if he walks in and tells everything to shut off, it will?” Jack asks.
“It’s at least worth a try, nothing else we’ve tried is working,” Ritter sighs.
Jack extracts himself from under the control panel, dusts off his hands. Daniel stills to look at him. Jack grins at him then shrugs before demanding, “Off!”
Everything shuts down.
Sam slides out from under the control panel to look at Jack with wide eyes. Ritter sags in relief. Aislin moves away from the person she was working with the look around. The blonde woman at the computer nods. Aislin turns to Jack, “I should easily be able to get your Major for you, but it will be a condition of our people working together that neither you or your Major may ever return.”
“Agreed,” Jack tells her as he stands.
Aislin is right, Major Lorne is quickly released to them and they all head home. Jack complains in the debrief that the whole thing was rather anti-climatic, but he feels he did a good job of telling the Ancient device what to do.
“Usually these things are screwing with my head,” Jack reminds.
Thankfully the debrief goes quickly and Daniel finds himself able to catch up to Jack afterwards. The corridor is quiet and that gives Daniel the strength to tell Jack, “I think we need to talk.”
Jack stills and Daniel frowns at the way Jack seems to be closing in on himself.
“Nothing bad,” Daniel tries, “I…just…look we can’t keep doing this to each other and this isn’t the best place for this discussion.”
“My place?” Jack suggests.
Daniel nods, “Meet you by your car in thirty minutes?”
Jack nods. It gives them both enough time to take showers, change into fresh clothes and then calm before meeting. They make small talk on the drive to Jack’s house. Daniel settles on the couch while Jack orders them dinner. It’s familiar and Daniel finds he’s tired of the way it makes him ache. Jack hovers in the doorway a moment before he drops into a chair near the couch. Jack runs a tired hand over his face, “Your show Danny.”
Daniel opens his mouth, thinks of several things to say and then closes his mouth. Daniel sighs and settles for, “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry about.”
“Yes I do,” Daniel tells him, “I hurt you so badly that you can barely look at me, barely talk to me and yet the first time we step through the gate and everyone’s holding guns you’re backed into me to put yourself between me and those guns.”
Jack wets his lips.
“I know it’s not fair to ask, but could we maybe try again?” Daniel manages.
Jack stands, “Try what again?”
Daniel raises his eyebrows then elaborates, “You and me.”
Jack bites his lip.
“I know I’m remembering this right and I’m tired of only remembering. I want to be living it. I want…” Daniel trails off as Jack folds himself across Daniel’s lap, straddling Daniel’s hips and cups his face. Jack’s eyes dart over him. Daniel tries to smile.
“I’ve been an ass,” Jack points out.
“You have,” Daniel agrees, “but I didn’t remember anything and it took us years to get together so while I’m not giving you a free pass for that I think it’s somewhat understandable.”
“What do you remember?” Jack asks.
“Everything,” Daniel smiles. He laughs at Jack’s skeptical look and elaborates, “I remember the first time you kissed me. I remember our first anniversary. I remember that camping trip where nothing seemed to go right, not even the fishing. I remember that birthday were we accidently bought Cassandra the same card. I remember when we finally decided to be a couple. I remember the way you liked me to cook your steak. I remember the way you wouldn’t stop playing with my glasses. I remember the way you like to cuddle in the morning, then have a shower together before we go out to breakfast. I remember how much you enjoy it when I call you Jim while you…”
Jack cuts off his words with a kiss and Daniel pulls Jack closer. They kiss for several long moments before Jack pulls away and asks, “Everything?”
“Yes,” Daniel reiterates, before he asks, “Make new memories with me?”
Jack grins and kisses him again.
Daniel is leaning his head against Jack’s side with Jack’s arm around his chest as he lazily read a book that Janet had recommended to him. Jack is slowly, methodically going through the TV channels. Daniel knows he’ll settle on a game, more than likely hockey.
Jack turns the TV off. Daniel tilts his head back. Jack leans forward to kiss his forehead. Daniel frowns, they haven’t kissed in a long time. They touch all the time and are nearly inseparable outside of work, but they haven’t kissed in a long time.
“I’ve been thinking,” Jack tells him.
“A dangerous pastime,” Daniel teases as he sits up and sets the book on the coffee table to give Jack all his attention.
“What did we do today?” Jack asks.
Daniel shrugs, “It was a typical day.”
“Exactly,” Jack points out, “We woke up, in my bed with cuddling. We took turns in the shower. Got breakfast. Ran errands. Ate lunch at a restaurant we both like. Then we came home, put groceries away before we settled on the couch for a lazy afternoon.”
“We do that all the time,” Daniel points out.
“You have your own toothbrush,” Jack continues.
“Which you bought me,” Daniel counters.
“You have space in my closet and a drawer in my dresser,” Jack tries again.
“Do you not want my stuff here?” Daniel frowns, “Cause I’ve tried to go home, but you like cuddling.”
Jack lets out a frustrated breath. Daniel gives him a teasing smile before he moves forward, straddles Jack’s hips and smiles down at him.
“We’re basically in a relationship except for sex,” Jack spells out as his hands settle on Daniel’s thighs.
“Oh?” Daniel smiles.
Jack laughs, “So that was on the table this whole time?”
Daniel shrugs, “Maybe not the whole time.”
Jack hums thoughtfully before he says, “I had this whole speech prepared about how it’s not fair for me to ask you to be in a relationship with me since we can’t be open about it because of my career, but now I’m worried I’m wasting time by not kissing you right now.”
“You’re my best friend,” Daniel points out, “My time with you is never wasted.”
They smiles as their lips meet.
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