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Quote of the Day: “There is really nothing more to say-except why. But since why is difficult to handle, one must take refuge in how.” ~ The Bluest Eye ~ by Toni Morrison
Currently reading: The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison and The Beautiful Room is Empty by Edmund White
First off I’d like to wish Megan a belated Happy Birthday since she turned eighteen on the 22nd. Happy Birthday Megan.
As for my music choice…I like the song, if you don’t that’s your problem.
Oh and Leslie your Queen obsession is starting to affect me I almost bought a CD the other day because now I’m curious to hear beyond what I have on soundtracks. Please don’t be too disappointed that I didn’t I only had so much cash on me and ended up opting for another sound track that I’ve been wanting. In time I’ll probably go back for it.
So anyway what will I be discussing? How bout the fact that my rants need to be more organized and hopefully that’ll happen. No promises, but we’ll see.
My schedule at Steak N’ Shake got screwed up by the simple fact that the manager that does it forgot to include me. Thank God I have two other jobs. I managed to get an 11 hr and 4 hr shift, but that was all from a job I can usually count on for 20 hrs and up. Oh well, life is unfair not much I can do about it.
I should just be thankful I haven’t spent all my tax return, even though the entire some should go to getting the clutch in my car replace. (Yes I drive stick. Automatics annoy me. I think Giles on BTVS put it best when he said he loathed the not contributing. The minute he said it I totally understood where he was coming from.) However I’ve already dipped into that money a little and don’t get paid until Thursday and my checks for the video store I work at will be cut in half for the next two weeks due to the family affairs I’ve had to attend.
Let me just take the time to say that they are no easy walk in the park. Family can drive you loopy. I need to get on of those friend families, but alas I’m a bit of a loner and while I can be a good friend I let myself loose touch too easily and have a tendency to just drift away. Sometimes this is a good thing, but more on that later.
So what lovely family function do I have to attend? Well on the 9th I went to a birthday party for my Aunt. I had to go because she has money (I was so close to telling my Mom that was the stupidest reason in the world, but my Dad would’ve gotten pissed so I kept my mouth shut) and supposedly because we were born on the same day (the 14th) it was also a celebration for me. Long story short the food was bad, but it was nice hanging out with my relative…that was until we went to a church and they decided to wait until the four o’clock mass and it was only three. That wasn’t their brightest idea, but hey after on the way home I made mention that I felt jipped at diner cause there was no ice cream with the cake…and my Aunt had my brother stop for ice cream and then we all went next door and got this huge burrito and split it which was great. Just me, Celeste, my brother Chad and my cousin Elizabeth gabbing and eating. The next function was yesterday, my neighbor and distant relative through marriage got married for the first time. Congratulations to him, he got a lovely wife and daughter out of the deal. My Grandma went to see her sister, who is 93, she extremely close to and whom she doesn’t get to see much of. Long story short Sister’s (that’s just what we call her) daughter flew in from California and before I knew who she was we had a confrontation. The minute we walked in the door she started telling my Grandma what she had to do. I didn’t know who she was and snapped, “My Grandma is going to go sit with her sister and if anything needs taken care of I’ll take care of it.”
So yea, needless to say I pissed off my seventy year old distant Aunt, but my Grandma was happy about it. She dislikes (which really isn’t strong enough a word, but I’m not going to describe it in more detail cause I don’t wish to be mean. I was more rude to her at the wedding then I should have been, but honestly she brought it upon herself. No one orders my Grandma around and ruins her good time while I’m there)…um yea where was I? Oh yea my Grandma dislikes her anyway quite possibly because every time she tried to visit with or talk to her sister this Aunt had to get in the way.
Okay moving on. The last family function will be my Brother’s graduation party and I’m a little nervous for him. All these people are saying they can’t come and well they all showed up for mine so I’d like them come to Chad’s because that’s not fair. My brother’s had an okay year and deserves to have a good day.
Beside that I’d like to talk about an ex who called me out of the blue because she needed a ride. This wasn’t my evil ex, but Allison. Allison is this sweet girl I met and we sorta just fell for each other. Good right? Wrong, she the daughter of a minister and very much into her faith. So she decided she had to be straight and I tried to be understanding. We talked on the phone for awhile and the more I talked to her the more I fell for her so eventually I just stopped calling. I couldn’t take the heartache. Anyway she called me a day before my b-day and asked me to come pick her up. She sounded upset and I figured she and her mom had had a falling out. Her dad died six months ago and her mom (who is the minister) had never really gotten on. So I drove out there expecting to pick her up and then drop her at a friend of hers. The minute she gets into my car she starts hitting on me and as it turns out she had not place to go. She and her mom had gotten into an argument that morning and her mom had told her she was kicked out. That was at 8am the previous day. I picked her up at 1am the following day. If her mom had really wanted her out she would have been out before then and I tried to point this out to her but she wouldn’t listen. So being the nice person I was I took her home and was going to let her sleep on the couch. She wasn’t tired to we decided to watch some TV. I let her cuddle with me and that was all it was supposed to be. I was fully engrossed in watching QaF and really wasn’t interested in starting something in my Grandma’s house while Allison was an emotional wreck.
She had other ideas, one that involved not exactly listening to my protests. I had literally had to pry her off me when ‘No’ didn’t work. I tried to explain where I was coming from and she continues to push (apparently she thought she was being rejected). I was weak and gave in and we fooled around a little. I should have been more forceful and said no but honestly I hadn’t made out with anyone in almost a year and she’s such a good kisser. Eventually she calmed down and I held her and talked to her, comforted her as best I could, which wasn’t easy. It’s not easy to remain comforting when the person your holding tells you they can’t understand why their so attracted to you because they know ‘it’s wrong’. My Father’s used that statement before and honestly I think it’s the one I hate the most. I’m sorry, but if being gay is wrong then why did God make me this way?
Despite all that I took her out to breakfast the next morning where this drunk guy came over to the table and hit on her. I was glad when he was gone. She kind of was uncomfortable when I gave her a kiss on the cheek in the restaurant, there was hardly anyone there and it was just a peck, but when she were alone in the car she wasn’t full on kissing. Then on the drive back she jokingly say that the only reason I like her is because she’s black. I was all huh, where did that come from? I guess what I’m trying saying it that it was a long day and emotionally I didn’t need her emotional baggage. She eventually got sorted out and I dropped her off at an Aunt’s house and a few days later I got a message on the answering machine saying that she’s back with her Mom, their trying to work at their problems and to call her. I haven’t, part of me wants to and part of me doesn’t. I’m not what she needs and after the relationship with my evil ex I can’t handle another person that’s going to be dependent on me and emotionally abuse me. I can’t go there again. I can understand why I’m a attracted to her. She’s blunt, she has a lot of energy and a love her attitude on life-the way she just embraces it, but at the same time I can deal with her uncertainty and her immaturity. She’s 23, has no job, no drivers license, doesn’t go to school and thought she could move out of her Mom’s house? I’m sorry, but I need to be attracted to someone who can think things through for once. I could go on and on, but I’m going to end this now.
I wanted to mention some of the things that happened on my 21st birthday, but this is already long enough so I think I’ll just stop. Until next time.
LL+P
Riley
Currently reading: The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison and The Beautiful Room is Empty by Edmund White
First off I’d like to wish Megan a belated Happy Birthday since she turned eighteen on the 22nd. Happy Birthday Megan.
As for my music choice…I like the song, if you don’t that’s your problem.
Oh and Leslie your Queen obsession is starting to affect me I almost bought a CD the other day because now I’m curious to hear beyond what I have on soundtracks. Please don’t be too disappointed that I didn’t I only had so much cash on me and ended up opting for another sound track that I’ve been wanting. In time I’ll probably go back for it.
So anyway what will I be discussing? How bout the fact that my rants need to be more organized and hopefully that’ll happen. No promises, but we’ll see.
My schedule at Steak N’ Shake got screwed up by the simple fact that the manager that does it forgot to include me. Thank God I have two other jobs. I managed to get an 11 hr and 4 hr shift, but that was all from a job I can usually count on for 20 hrs and up. Oh well, life is unfair not much I can do about it.
I should just be thankful I haven’t spent all my tax return, even though the entire some should go to getting the clutch in my car replace. (Yes I drive stick. Automatics annoy me. I think Giles on BTVS put it best when he said he loathed the not contributing. The minute he said it I totally understood where he was coming from.) However I’ve already dipped into that money a little and don’t get paid until Thursday and my checks for the video store I work at will be cut in half for the next two weeks due to the family affairs I’ve had to attend.
Let me just take the time to say that they are no easy walk in the park. Family can drive you loopy. I need to get on of those friend families, but alas I’m a bit of a loner and while I can be a good friend I let myself loose touch too easily and have a tendency to just drift away. Sometimes this is a good thing, but more on that later.
So what lovely family function do I have to attend? Well on the 9th I went to a birthday party for my Aunt. I had to go because she has money (I was so close to telling my Mom that was the stupidest reason in the world, but my Dad would’ve gotten pissed so I kept my mouth shut) and supposedly because we were born on the same day (the 14th) it was also a celebration for me. Long story short the food was bad, but it was nice hanging out with my relative…that was until we went to a church and they decided to wait until the four o’clock mass and it was only three. That wasn’t their brightest idea, but hey after on the way home I made mention that I felt jipped at diner cause there was no ice cream with the cake…and my Aunt had my brother stop for ice cream and then we all went next door and got this huge burrito and split it which was great. Just me, Celeste, my brother Chad and my cousin Elizabeth gabbing and eating. The next function was yesterday, my neighbor and distant relative through marriage got married for the first time. Congratulations to him, he got a lovely wife and daughter out of the deal. My Grandma went to see her sister, who is 93, she extremely close to and whom she doesn’t get to see much of. Long story short Sister’s (that’s just what we call her) daughter flew in from California and before I knew who she was we had a confrontation. The minute we walked in the door she started telling my Grandma what she had to do. I didn’t know who she was and snapped, “My Grandma is going to go sit with her sister and if anything needs taken care of I’ll take care of it.”
So yea, needless to say I pissed off my seventy year old distant Aunt, but my Grandma was happy about it. She dislikes (which really isn’t strong enough a word, but I’m not going to describe it in more detail cause I don’t wish to be mean. I was more rude to her at the wedding then I should have been, but honestly she brought it upon herself. No one orders my Grandma around and ruins her good time while I’m there)…um yea where was I? Oh yea my Grandma dislikes her anyway quite possibly because every time she tried to visit with or talk to her sister this Aunt had to get in the way.
Okay moving on. The last family function will be my Brother’s graduation party and I’m a little nervous for him. All these people are saying they can’t come and well they all showed up for mine so I’d like them come to Chad’s because that’s not fair. My brother’s had an okay year and deserves to have a good day.
Beside that I’d like to talk about an ex who called me out of the blue because she needed a ride. This wasn’t my evil ex, but Allison. Allison is this sweet girl I met and we sorta just fell for each other. Good right? Wrong, she the daughter of a minister and very much into her faith. So she decided she had to be straight and I tried to be understanding. We talked on the phone for awhile and the more I talked to her the more I fell for her so eventually I just stopped calling. I couldn’t take the heartache. Anyway she called me a day before my b-day and asked me to come pick her up. She sounded upset and I figured she and her mom had had a falling out. Her dad died six months ago and her mom (who is the minister) had never really gotten on. So I drove out there expecting to pick her up and then drop her at a friend of hers. The minute she gets into my car she starts hitting on me and as it turns out she had not place to go. She and her mom had gotten into an argument that morning and her mom had told her she was kicked out. That was at 8am the previous day. I picked her up at 1am the following day. If her mom had really wanted her out she would have been out before then and I tried to point this out to her but she wouldn’t listen. So being the nice person I was I took her home and was going to let her sleep on the couch. She wasn’t tired to we decided to watch some TV. I let her cuddle with me and that was all it was supposed to be. I was fully engrossed in watching QaF and really wasn’t interested in starting something in my Grandma’s house while Allison was an emotional wreck.
She had other ideas, one that involved not exactly listening to my protests. I had literally had to pry her off me when ‘No’ didn’t work. I tried to explain where I was coming from and she continues to push (apparently she thought she was being rejected). I was weak and gave in and we fooled around a little. I should have been more forceful and said no but honestly I hadn’t made out with anyone in almost a year and she’s such a good kisser. Eventually she calmed down and I held her and talked to her, comforted her as best I could, which wasn’t easy. It’s not easy to remain comforting when the person your holding tells you they can’t understand why their so attracted to you because they know ‘it’s wrong’. My Father’s used that statement before and honestly I think it’s the one I hate the most. I’m sorry, but if being gay is wrong then why did God make me this way?
Despite all that I took her out to breakfast the next morning where this drunk guy came over to the table and hit on her. I was glad when he was gone. She kind of was uncomfortable when I gave her a kiss on the cheek in the restaurant, there was hardly anyone there and it was just a peck, but when she were alone in the car she wasn’t full on kissing. Then on the drive back she jokingly say that the only reason I like her is because she’s black. I was all huh, where did that come from? I guess what I’m trying saying it that it was a long day and emotionally I didn’t need her emotional baggage. She eventually got sorted out and I dropped her off at an Aunt’s house and a few days later I got a message on the answering machine saying that she’s back with her Mom, their trying to work at their problems and to call her. I haven’t, part of me wants to and part of me doesn’t. I’m not what she needs and after the relationship with my evil ex I can’t handle another person that’s going to be dependent on me and emotionally abuse me. I can’t go there again. I can understand why I’m a attracted to her. She’s blunt, she has a lot of energy and a love her attitude on life-the way she just embraces it, but at the same time I can deal with her uncertainty and her immaturity. She’s 23, has no job, no drivers license, doesn’t go to school and thought she could move out of her Mom’s house? I’m sorry, but I need to be attracted to someone who can think things through for once. I could go on and on, but I’m going to end this now.
I wanted to mention some of the things that happened on my 21st birthday, but this is already long enough so I think I’ll just stop. Until next time.
LL+P
Riley
