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I left the person I was freaking out about earlier a review for the piece that they based off of mine.
Thank you for liking one of my pieces so much you felt the need to expand upon it, however I’d have appreciated it if you asked my permission first. He Said He Loved Me was very personal and it threw me off when it was expanded upon without my prior knowledge.
As for the piece you need to work on your punctuation, I got lost several times. Correct punctuation would simply help the piece flow better. Without it those little hiccups become as distracting as my bad gramamar.
There are several interestingly touched upon ideas that are never expanded. Why does Draco think Ginny’s brothers’s are worthless? How is Ginny a deep thinker? What’s going on with this internal fire you continually have him touch upon? Why would he be playing a trick on her? Did they have an argument? Was he angry at her for something? It seems too easy an explanation that he would simply lie, that Ginny would die over a mere joke. Very Romeo/Juliet ending.
It also needed a suicide warning and perhaps an explanation that suicide is never the answer, too many good people left behind to mourn with questions that’ll never be answered.
In the future try and tap into the char more, give explanations for why they do the things they do. I know it’s cliché to say, but ‘show don’t tell’ goes a long way and is something I remind myself every time before I sit down to write. You need an original idea, one that you can expand and make your own.
What do you think was this a good course of action or a bad one?
Thank you for liking one of my pieces so much you felt the need to expand upon it, however I’d have appreciated it if you asked my permission first. He Said He Loved Me was very personal and it threw me off when it was expanded upon without my prior knowledge.
As for the piece you need to work on your punctuation, I got lost several times. Correct punctuation would simply help the piece flow better. Without it those little hiccups become as distracting as my bad gramamar.
There are several interestingly touched upon ideas that are never expanded. Why does Draco think Ginny’s brothers’s are worthless? How is Ginny a deep thinker? What’s going on with this internal fire you continually have him touch upon? Why would he be playing a trick on her? Did they have an argument? Was he angry at her for something? It seems too easy an explanation that he would simply lie, that Ginny would die over a mere joke. Very Romeo/Juliet ending.
It also needed a suicide warning and perhaps an explanation that suicide is never the answer, too many good people left behind to mourn with questions that’ll never be answered.
In the future try and tap into the char more, give explanations for why they do the things they do. I know it’s cliché to say, but ‘show don’t tell’ goes a long way and is something I remind myself every time before I sit down to write. You need an original idea, one that you can expand and make your own.
What do you think was this a good course of action or a bad one?