(no subject)

[rivulet027]

I did something stupid. I assumed my one med was refillable and it wasn't and I haven't had any for a few days. I'd kinda forgotten what it was like and I was fine in class but that was mostly because I made a consious decision to sit away from the class and forced myself to focus on the material, the prof and discussion of the material and not focus on the fact that I was in a small room with a lot of people. I'd forgotten how small silly details could send me into a panic, and I'd forgotten that when really really stressed by the running off on a tanget of thought that I start to rock back and forth. I also forgot about the nightmare. I mean I remembered them, but I'd forgotten how they made me feel. I was however able to tell my head that I was being overreactive to small details and get it to slow down, which I wouldn't have been able to do before I started to take meds. It's a competely odd sensation, but I've been able to calm and there isn't any depression. I've been more tired lately, but not in a depressed way.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's a competely new sensation, being able to take a step away from myself, realize I'm overreacting in a stupid fashion, and be able to take control again and get myself to calm down. Getting back on my med will be a relief though. Being able to get control of my panic is a good step and I'm kinda glad I relized it, but the not being able to focus, yea thats not of the good. It's probably why I like writing so much, I can focus when I write.

Sorry if this didn't make much sense.