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Title: Finding Hope
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Alpha Flight Marvel Comics
Pairing: Walter/Jean-Paul though there are some kisses it’s ultimately UST. Mentions Walter/Jeanne-Marie, Walter/Veronica (his canon ex-wife)
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with these characters. Neither is my toy box and I’m merely playing.
Summary: For the![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
lgbtfest. AU Walter is back from being Wanda and wanting to be Wanda again. He hasn't found a way and Jean-Paul comforts.
Prompt: 180. Any fandom, any character, A genderswap story where the character realizes they actually feel more comfortable with their new sex. How do they cope with this revelation? How do they reevaluate their life prior to the switch? How do they deal with the knowledge that they may, at any point, revert to their previous sex? And, if they switch back, how does the revelation continue to affect the character's gender identity
A/N: AU because JP and JM weren’t really around when Walter changed back…there was this whole stupid dying/elf drama that would’ve interfered. Refreneces to Machine Man 11 and the four part Northstar series as well as Walter being turned into Wanda and then back to Walter (Alpha Flight series one #45 to 68).
Finding Hope:
The low rumble of the evening news wasn’t offering the distraction that Walter had hoped it would. All he could see was that all his attempts to find a way to turn himself back into Wanda, weren’t going to work. None of the data he drew up led him to believe he could build a machine that would change him back into a woman.
With a groan Walter buried his head in his hands. He wanted to curl up on the couch like he used to, but he had tried that once and his body was too big. He felt right as Wanda, curled into ball, resting on a pillow watching TV. Now his legs dangled wrong and he couldn’t get the right angle to be comfortable.
He ignored the front door opening and closing. It was probably Jean-Paul, as he recently had some friends fly in to see him after he’d returned from that nearly dying nearly being tricked into believing he was an elf incident.
Hopefully Jean-Paul would ignore him. They hadn’t seen much of each other since he’d turned back into Walter.
He glanced over and glared as Jean-Paul dropped himself down onto the couch.
Jean-Paul offered him an easy grin.
Walter blinked, when was the last time he had seen a smile on Jean-Paul’s face?
“Have a good night?” he asked.
Jean-Paul shrugged, “Mariel generally knows how to put me in my place.”
“You needed to be put into your place?” Walter asked confused.
“Told a few truths perhaps,” Jean-Paul conceded.
Walter nodded, staring blankly at the screen in front of them. Nothing seemed to penetrate though this oddness he felt, this wrongness in who he was.
Jean-Paul tapped him with a foot and stated, “You are unwell.”
“I’m a man,” he stated simply.
Jean-Paul laughed, “You were before.”
Walter frowned, “I don’t like and I can’t find a way to change back.”
His admittance brought Jean-Paul’s laughter to a sudden stop. Jean-Paul regarded him silently a moment before he pointed out, “You have your identity back, your money, Veronica in her place and are rebuilding a relationship with your son.”
“In her place?” Walter questioned.
“You were divorced,” Jean-Paul pointed out, “who was she to take all your money.”
“It was for my son,” Walter stated.
Jean-Paul rolled his eyes, “Use your brains, even you aren’t that dense.”
Walter smiled slightly, “No, I suppose not. She used to be different. We got along when I was just a football player aspiring to be a doctor.”
“And?” Jean-Paul prompted.
Walter glanced over, “You want me lament on how our relationship went wrong because she wanted me to remain a football player?”
“Non,” Jean-Paul told him, “that would be boring and I have desire to be bored.”
“Thanks,” Walter told him with shake of his head.
Jean-Paul didn’t respond.
Walter glanced over, took in the look of mischief on Jean-Paul’s face and laughed, “You and your sarcasm.”
“I wasn’t the one who used sarcasm,” Jean-Paul defended, “though I did appreciate the effort. Now, Wanda, you had trouble adjusting to being her.”
“My mass was proportionally different,” Walter conceded, “it took some getting used to, but it… this transition is more difficult.”
Jean-Paul tilted his head, obviously waiting for Walter to continue.
“How was I before Wanda?” Walter asked, not sure quite sure how he wanted to phrase how he felt.
Jean-Paul frowned, “Awkwardly brilliant and unaware of when you were being funny.”
His tone, Walter glanced back, finding himself remembering his first solo mission with the twins. He’d stopped over thinking and simply pulled out a phone book to try and solve their dilemma. Jean-Paul had laughed, Jeanne-Marie had gone along with her brother thinking it a joke. He hadn’t been joking, but that had gotten lost in going out and Jeanne-Marie’s sudden interest in him. Wait, Jean-Paul had admitted to being interested in him at the point and now he had to wonder at Jeanne-Marie’s sudden interest. Had Jeanne-Marie only been initially interested in him because her brother had been?
“Annoyingly straight,” Jean-Paul added.
Walter wet his lips and continued with the next question he’d thought of before his rather awkward suspicion, “And as Wanda?”
Jean-Paul frowned, “What are you getting at?”
“How was I as Wanda?”
Jean-Paul answered him slowly, taking his time with the words, “More confident I suppose, less awkwardly joking and annoyingly flirty.”
Walter laughed, “Sorry.”
Jean-Paul shrugged, “I look like my sister.”
“That wasn’t why I flirted with you,” Walter admitted.
“Oh?” Jean-Paul said quirking an eyebrow, “I take it Wanda was also straight then?”
“No,” Walter said, “I’m not sure that word applied or will ever apply to me again.”
“Bisexual? Gay?” Jean-Paul questioned.
Walter shook his head, “Wanda was bisexual I suppose or rather I was bisexual when I was Wanda.”
“Does that bother you now?”
“I want to be Wanda,” Walter reiterated, “I’m back to feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. When I was a woman, I just felt finally comfortable with who I was.”
Jean-Paul regarded him silently a moment before he asked, “Did you want to be a woman before you were Wanda?”
“I’d never thought of it,” Walter confessed, “but now that I’ve been one I know that’s who I should be, how I should be.”
“Then what is stopping you?” Jean-Paul asked.
Walter frowned. Didn’t Jean-Paul understand he hadn’t found a solution to that problem yet?
“Didn’t you like me better as Wanda?” Walter asked, “We got along better.”
“You weren’t dating my sister,” Jean-Paul told him flatly before he offered a small smile, “and it was amusing to harmlessly flirt back.”
“It was funny,” Walter admitted, remembering how outrageously they’d occasionally talked to each other until they were both falling over in laughter, “We were good friends then.”
“If you hadn’t been attracted to me we might have been better friends,” Jean-Paul teased.
Walter laughed, “I got over that quickly. I understand that you’re gay.”
“Did make me a promise though,” Jean-Paul pointed out.
Walter blinked. He’d forgotten about that.
“Are you boringly straight now?”
“I was never boring,” Walter told him, feeling a bit of the confidence he’d felt was Wanda coming back now that he was on familiar territory with Jean-Paul. He could take teasing a bit better than he could the first time he’d been Walter.
“Not an answer to my question,” Jean-Paul told him.
“It was a promise,” Walter said.
Jean-Paul’s eyes darted over him and Walter suddenly realized that maybe Jean-Paul just hadn’t quite gotten over that interest in him. Did he want this, that kiss he’d promised Jean-Paul so long ago? How often as Wanda had he fantasized about kissing Jean-Paul? How often had he thought about bringing up that promise of a kiss if he ever gotten turn into a man? Well, Walter told himself, one good thing about being turned into a man again.
“I don’t know a lot about myself anymore,” Walter confessed.
Jean-Paul nodded, face suddenly serious. Walter didn’t want that, Jean-Paul had been too seriously lately, losing some of his joy with each new mission, each new villain. Grim games of death Jean-Paul called being a superhero, perhaps Jean-Paul wasn’t suited for this life. They needed him though, his place on the team was…
Walter’s thoughts stuttered to a stop as Jean-Paul leaned in and took the kiss he’d been promised. With warm lips on his and hands cupping his face, Walter surrendered to the sensation, closing his eyes. Jean-Paul tasted better than he’d imagined and he didn’t want to let go of this. When Jean-Paul started to pull away, Walter followed, cupping the back of his head and pulling him closer still.
Jean-Paul could only like him as Walter.
Walter pulled away.
He couldn’t do that to Jean-Paul, even though he wanted another kiss, he wanted a lot more than kissing.
Jean-Paul frowned at him. Was it wrong to be attracted to the brother of the woman you’d been dating before you’d died? No, Walter decided, Jeanne-Marie hadn’t given him a second glance when he’d turned into a woman. At least Jean-Paul had tried to be his friend, tried to be supportive.
Walter let out a frustrated breath.
Jean-Paul leaned in and took another kiss. Walter wanted to become lost in his, but he became aware of just how too big his hands were as he cupped Jean-Paul’s face.
He pulled away and shuddered, “This is a really bad idea.”
“Perhaps not,” Jean-Paul told him, breath quick, wanting.
“I’m going to figure it out,” Walter whispered, “how to be a woman again, it wouldn’t be fair to start something with you.”
Jean-Paul remained quiet and yet unmoving from his side.
Walter looked over.
“You silly man,” Jean-Paul told him, “or perhaps you silly woman in a man’s body. There are ways that don’t involve your overly thought of experiments and machines. Normal, non-superhero people deal with being in the wrong gender and finding a way to change that.”
Walter blinked. Why hadn’t he thought of that?
“You think too much,” Jean-Paul told him before stealing another kiss.
Walter touched his lips as Jean-Paul stood and told him, “Sleep and go over your options in the morning. You can’t think of anything at this hour, not when you’ve been so distraught. Thank you for the kisses.”
“Thank you,” Walter told him, feeling a glimmer of hope and though some small part of him wanted to research until the early morning hours he realized he should take Jean-Paul’s advise.
Jean-Paul knelt in front of him, “You’re my teammate, my friend. I will be supportive of who you are.”
Walter frowned and pressed the back of his hand to feel Jean-Paul’s forehead, “Are you sure you’re feeling alright?”
“I still reserve the right to comment scathingly when I feel your being stupid,” Jean-Paul laughed.
Walter laughed, now that sounded like Jean-Paul. He watched the other man walk away, shut off the TV and headed to bed sure he’d find a solution in the morning.
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Alpha Flight Marvel Comics
Pairing: Walter/Jean-Paul though there are some kisses it’s ultimately UST. Mentions Walter/Jeanne-Marie, Walter/Veronica (his canon ex-wife)
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with these characters. Neither is my toy box and I’m merely playing.
Summary: For the
lgbtfest. AU Walter is back from being Wanda and wanting to be Wanda again. He hasn't found a way and Jean-Paul comforts.Prompt: 180. Any fandom, any character, A genderswap story where the character realizes they actually feel more comfortable with their new sex. How do they cope with this revelation? How do they reevaluate their life prior to the switch? How do they deal with the knowledge that they may, at any point, revert to their previous sex? And, if they switch back, how does the revelation continue to affect the character's gender identity
A/N: AU because JP and JM weren’t really around when Walter changed back…there was this whole stupid dying/elf drama that would’ve interfered. Refreneces to Machine Man 11 and the four part Northstar series as well as Walter being turned into Wanda and then back to Walter (Alpha Flight series one #45 to 68).
Finding Hope:
The low rumble of the evening news wasn’t offering the distraction that Walter had hoped it would. All he could see was that all his attempts to find a way to turn himself back into Wanda, weren’t going to work. None of the data he drew up led him to believe he could build a machine that would change him back into a woman.
With a groan Walter buried his head in his hands. He wanted to curl up on the couch like he used to, but he had tried that once and his body was too big. He felt right as Wanda, curled into ball, resting on a pillow watching TV. Now his legs dangled wrong and he couldn’t get the right angle to be comfortable.
He ignored the front door opening and closing. It was probably Jean-Paul, as he recently had some friends fly in to see him after he’d returned from that nearly dying nearly being tricked into believing he was an elf incident.
Hopefully Jean-Paul would ignore him. They hadn’t seen much of each other since he’d turned back into Walter.
He glanced over and glared as Jean-Paul dropped himself down onto the couch.
Jean-Paul offered him an easy grin.
Walter blinked, when was the last time he had seen a smile on Jean-Paul’s face?
“Have a good night?” he asked.
Jean-Paul shrugged, “Mariel generally knows how to put me in my place.”
“You needed to be put into your place?” Walter asked confused.
“Told a few truths perhaps,” Jean-Paul conceded.
Walter nodded, staring blankly at the screen in front of them. Nothing seemed to penetrate though this oddness he felt, this wrongness in who he was.
Jean-Paul tapped him with a foot and stated, “You are unwell.”
“I’m a man,” he stated simply.
Jean-Paul laughed, “You were before.”
Walter frowned, “I don’t like and I can’t find a way to change back.”
His admittance brought Jean-Paul’s laughter to a sudden stop. Jean-Paul regarded him silently a moment before he pointed out, “You have your identity back, your money, Veronica in her place and are rebuilding a relationship with your son.”
“In her place?” Walter questioned.
“You were divorced,” Jean-Paul pointed out, “who was she to take all your money.”
“It was for my son,” Walter stated.
Jean-Paul rolled his eyes, “Use your brains, even you aren’t that dense.”
Walter smiled slightly, “No, I suppose not. She used to be different. We got along when I was just a football player aspiring to be a doctor.”
“And?” Jean-Paul prompted.
Walter glanced over, “You want me lament on how our relationship went wrong because she wanted me to remain a football player?”
“Non,” Jean-Paul told him, “that would be boring and I have desire to be bored.”
“Thanks,” Walter told him with shake of his head.
Jean-Paul didn’t respond.
Walter glanced over, took in the look of mischief on Jean-Paul’s face and laughed, “You and your sarcasm.”
“I wasn’t the one who used sarcasm,” Jean-Paul defended, “though I did appreciate the effort. Now, Wanda, you had trouble adjusting to being her.”
“My mass was proportionally different,” Walter conceded, “it took some getting used to, but it… this transition is more difficult.”
Jean-Paul tilted his head, obviously waiting for Walter to continue.
“How was I before Wanda?” Walter asked, not sure quite sure how he wanted to phrase how he felt.
Jean-Paul frowned, “Awkwardly brilliant and unaware of when you were being funny.”
His tone, Walter glanced back, finding himself remembering his first solo mission with the twins. He’d stopped over thinking and simply pulled out a phone book to try and solve their dilemma. Jean-Paul had laughed, Jeanne-Marie had gone along with her brother thinking it a joke. He hadn’t been joking, but that had gotten lost in going out and Jeanne-Marie’s sudden interest in him. Wait, Jean-Paul had admitted to being interested in him at the point and now he had to wonder at Jeanne-Marie’s sudden interest. Had Jeanne-Marie only been initially interested in him because her brother had been?
“Annoyingly straight,” Jean-Paul added.
Walter wet his lips and continued with the next question he’d thought of before his rather awkward suspicion, “And as Wanda?”
Jean-Paul frowned, “What are you getting at?”
“How was I as Wanda?”
Jean-Paul answered him slowly, taking his time with the words, “More confident I suppose, less awkwardly joking and annoyingly flirty.”
Walter laughed, “Sorry.”
Jean-Paul shrugged, “I look like my sister.”
“That wasn’t why I flirted with you,” Walter admitted.
“Oh?” Jean-Paul said quirking an eyebrow, “I take it Wanda was also straight then?”
“No,” Walter said, “I’m not sure that word applied or will ever apply to me again.”
“Bisexual? Gay?” Jean-Paul questioned.
Walter shook his head, “Wanda was bisexual I suppose or rather I was bisexual when I was Wanda.”
“Does that bother you now?”
“I want to be Wanda,” Walter reiterated, “I’m back to feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. When I was a woman, I just felt finally comfortable with who I was.”
Jean-Paul regarded him silently a moment before he asked, “Did you want to be a woman before you were Wanda?”
“I’d never thought of it,” Walter confessed, “but now that I’ve been one I know that’s who I should be, how I should be.”
“Then what is stopping you?” Jean-Paul asked.
Walter frowned. Didn’t Jean-Paul understand he hadn’t found a solution to that problem yet?
“Didn’t you like me better as Wanda?” Walter asked, “We got along better.”
“You weren’t dating my sister,” Jean-Paul told him flatly before he offered a small smile, “and it was amusing to harmlessly flirt back.”
“It was funny,” Walter admitted, remembering how outrageously they’d occasionally talked to each other until they were both falling over in laughter, “We were good friends then.”
“If you hadn’t been attracted to me we might have been better friends,” Jean-Paul teased.
Walter laughed, “I got over that quickly. I understand that you’re gay.”
“Did make me a promise though,” Jean-Paul pointed out.
Walter blinked. He’d forgotten about that.
“Are you boringly straight now?”
“I was never boring,” Walter told him, feeling a bit of the confidence he’d felt was Wanda coming back now that he was on familiar territory with Jean-Paul. He could take teasing a bit better than he could the first time he’d been Walter.
“Not an answer to my question,” Jean-Paul told him.
“It was a promise,” Walter said.
Jean-Paul’s eyes darted over him and Walter suddenly realized that maybe Jean-Paul just hadn’t quite gotten over that interest in him. Did he want this, that kiss he’d promised Jean-Paul so long ago? How often as Wanda had he fantasized about kissing Jean-Paul? How often had he thought about bringing up that promise of a kiss if he ever gotten turn into a man? Well, Walter told himself, one good thing about being turned into a man again.
“I don’t know a lot about myself anymore,” Walter confessed.
Jean-Paul nodded, face suddenly serious. Walter didn’t want that, Jean-Paul had been too seriously lately, losing some of his joy with each new mission, each new villain. Grim games of death Jean-Paul called being a superhero, perhaps Jean-Paul wasn’t suited for this life. They needed him though, his place on the team was…
Walter’s thoughts stuttered to a stop as Jean-Paul leaned in and took the kiss he’d been promised. With warm lips on his and hands cupping his face, Walter surrendered to the sensation, closing his eyes. Jean-Paul tasted better than he’d imagined and he didn’t want to let go of this. When Jean-Paul started to pull away, Walter followed, cupping the back of his head and pulling him closer still.
Jean-Paul could only like him as Walter.
Walter pulled away.
He couldn’t do that to Jean-Paul, even though he wanted another kiss, he wanted a lot more than kissing.
Jean-Paul frowned at him. Was it wrong to be attracted to the brother of the woman you’d been dating before you’d died? No, Walter decided, Jeanne-Marie hadn’t given him a second glance when he’d turned into a woman. At least Jean-Paul had tried to be his friend, tried to be supportive.
Walter let out a frustrated breath.
Jean-Paul leaned in and took another kiss. Walter wanted to become lost in his, but he became aware of just how too big his hands were as he cupped Jean-Paul’s face.
He pulled away and shuddered, “This is a really bad idea.”
“Perhaps not,” Jean-Paul told him, breath quick, wanting.
“I’m going to figure it out,” Walter whispered, “how to be a woman again, it wouldn’t be fair to start something with you.”
Jean-Paul remained quiet and yet unmoving from his side.
Walter looked over.
“You silly man,” Jean-Paul told him, “or perhaps you silly woman in a man’s body. There are ways that don’t involve your overly thought of experiments and machines. Normal, non-superhero people deal with being in the wrong gender and finding a way to change that.”
Walter blinked. Why hadn’t he thought of that?
“You think too much,” Jean-Paul told him before stealing another kiss.
Walter touched his lips as Jean-Paul stood and told him, “Sleep and go over your options in the morning. You can’t think of anything at this hour, not when you’ve been so distraught. Thank you for the kisses.”
“Thank you,” Walter told him, feeling a glimmer of hope and though some small part of him wanted to research until the early morning hours he realized he should take Jean-Paul’s advise.
Jean-Paul knelt in front of him, “You’re my teammate, my friend. I will be supportive of who you are.”
Walter frowned and pressed the back of his hand to feel Jean-Paul’s forehead, “Are you sure you’re feeling alright?”
“I still reserve the right to comment scathingly when I feel your being stupid,” Jean-Paul laughed.
Walter laughed, now that sounded like Jean-Paul. He watched the other man walk away, shut off the TV and headed to bed sure he’d find a solution in the morning.