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I went with my grandma and my mom to see my grandma's sister in the hospital. I'd write her name, but I'm so used to calling her Sister, because that's what my grandma does that her name is almost foreign. She's till recovering from her surgery and she looks like a woman in her ninties recovering from surgery. Her husband, and G-mom (my grandma) are fussing something fierce. She needs some space, but is trying to be there for them. She ate food via her mouth for the first time yesterday, she's hooked up to a feeding tube, which my grandma doesn't seem to get means that she's getting food. I tried to explain it to her and she was all like 'oh so they're not starving my sister' and I was all, yep, they're not. It was upsetting to see her so week, and I'm not sure she'll come out of it. She needs to be in a nursing home, but her husband refused to believe it. We went out to eat after and it was good. I got to spend some time with my mom. When I told her I was going to go to the doctor and see if he'd precribe me something for my anxiety attacks she gave me the money for hte co-pay and wouldn't accept it back despite them not even having air conditioning at home because they don't have enough to pay to get it fixed. I was very much in my mom loves me bubble yesterday and the beginning of today. They don't last long, but they make me feel good when they do. As long as she's got the illusion that I'm straight then we get along, the minute it's upset I get that disapproving look and were back to square one.
I ordered a book through the library. Gender Outlaws by Kate Bornstein and they ahd my parents phone number, so they would've called there. Mom didn't tell me. I guess she couldn't forgotten, but I'm not sure she would've told me if she did remember, she's trying to discourage me from doing anything gay. I stopped mentioning the GSA because it'd get me that disapproving look. Some days I momentarily wish I could be who she wants me to be, a person she would understand, but then I think of all that I wouldn't have, a lot fo the experience I wouldn't have, some good, some bad, and I know I wouldn't change for the world, not even for my mom. Even if I could change I wouldn't. Even when it's difficult I love being gay.
Enough of this 'oh my family doesn't understand me' pity party. I came out to my first straight person at work Tues. night. Dayo was really nice about it. So far I'd only come out to other gay employees and one of them had warned me not to come out to any of the people from Nigeria because homosexuality isn't accepted in their country. His reaction was to simply tell me that that was 'okay by him', it got him to stop pestering me about why I didn't have a boyfriend, and he treated me the same for the rest of the night so I was pleased.
I ordered a book through the library. Gender Outlaws by Kate Bornstein and they ahd my parents phone number, so they would've called there. Mom didn't tell me. I guess she couldn't forgotten, but I'm not sure she would've told me if she did remember, she's trying to discourage me from doing anything gay. I stopped mentioning the GSA because it'd get me that disapproving look. Some days I momentarily wish I could be who she wants me to be, a person she would understand, but then I think of all that I wouldn't have, a lot fo the experience I wouldn't have, some good, some bad, and I know I wouldn't change for the world, not even for my mom. Even if I could change I wouldn't. Even when it's difficult I love being gay.
Enough of this 'oh my family doesn't understand me' pity party. I came out to my first straight person at work Tues. night. Dayo was really nice about it. So far I'd only come out to other gay employees and one of them had warned me not to come out to any of the people from Nigeria because homosexuality isn't accepted in their country. His reaction was to simply tell me that that was 'okay by him', it got him to stop pestering me about why I didn't have a boyfriend, and he treated me the same for the rest of the night so I was pleased.
