![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Title: Where the Road Takes Us
Fandom: MCU Post Winter Solider
Pairing:
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Marvel. It's not my toy box and I'm merely playing.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Post Winter Solider Bucky agrees to travel with Sam. They decide it's safer to pose as a couple on honeymoon.
A/N: Written for kuchi for the![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
piningexchange. Thank you to midnightclarity for the beta. Sam is grieving Riley at the beginning of the fic and has a one night stand with Steve.
Where the Road Takes Us:
Sam is recovering. At least that’s what he keeps telling himself, it sounds better than he’s broken. He’s not sure there won’t be a day that he doesn’t miss Riley. He can go days without being haunted by the sight of Riley falling out of the sky. The helplessness of not being able to reach Riley before he hit the ground no longer fills his mouth with the bitter taste of guilt. He still gets overwhelmed by guilt, but it’s no longer so tangible. He still hasn’t dated anyone. He’s gone out on dates, he’s even had a few one-night stands, but having a relationship isn’t something he’s ready for. He knows Riley is dead. He knows he’s never getting Riley back, but he’s not quite ready to feel as if he’s grieved Riley and moved on.
He misses his wings. He longs to fly again.
He tells himself he can still find a way to help people, so he throws most of his time and energy into working at the VA and finding other ways to help veterans who are also recovering. It leaves him feeling less useless, less guilty, and less broken if he can help someone else who feels the same.
Then he goes to what used to be his and Riley’s favorite running spot after a night where he has dreams full of Riley and gets hit on by Steve Rogers. He flirts back. He even flirts with the red head who comes to whisk Steve away. He misses Riley as they pull away. How fun would it have been to laugh with Riley over getting hit on by a living legend? Riley wouldn’t have been jealous; he’d have sat back and watched with an amused look and they’d have laughed about it after. Except there’s no Riley to laugh with, no Riley to go home to and make breakfast with. Sam is alone. He needs more friends.
He stops in at Radek’s before he heads into work. Spending time with Radek’s pigeons is always soothing. Maybe he should get a bird of his own?
He’s still turning the thought over, considering his options when Steve finds him. They have dinner and Sam feels himself relaxing. The want to tell Riley, to be doing this with Riley, is there, but he pushes it away and flirts. Sam invites Steve back to his place even as he’s reminding himself he needs more friends. He expects Steve to want more than he’s able to give, but he decides to stress how emotionally unavailable he is over breakfast. Sam doesn’t expect for Steve to thank him after two rounds of sex and then insist on going home. He wants to Steve to stay the night, want the opportunity to make Steve breakfast. He swallows the bitterness of Steve leaving and imagines Riley teasing him for having expectations from what is clearly a one night stand.
Except Steve comes back, Natasha with him. How did he become the guy Steve can trust when the whole world is going to shit?
He decides he can forgive Steve and Natasha for anything when they all quip their way through stealing his wings back. There are several times after agreeing to help Steve where he thinks he’s going to die. He’s not going to forgive them if he dies. Haunting is a threat he decides to pull out later, after Steve is out of the hospital. Except other Avengers show up while Steve is in the hospital and somehow because both Steve and Natasha vouch for him Sam is now an Avenger. He gets a new set of wings, Steve gets information that Hawkeye, who’s now Clint, brings about Bucky.
He and Steve try to find Bucky or at least make sure he’s safe from Hydra and knows there are places and people he can go to for help, if he wants it. Sam and Steve settle into a friendship, that often sees Sam trying to find Bucky and Steve having to help the Avengers take down Hydra compounds. It’s not lonely though. Steve, Natasha, or Clint periodically join him. He and Steve text multiple times a day. He gets check ins with Maria Hill or Jimmy Woo depending on who’s available.
Then Bucky crashes into his life again. Sam is relatively sure he’s in the right town, near the right building. He’s also relatively sure that Hydra is also around. The closet Avenger turns out to be War Machine. Sam oscillates between excitement over finally meeting Colonel Rhodes and feeling guilty that he’s interrupting Rhodes’ leave.
Sam walks down the main street keeping a lookout for Bucky or trouble while hoping Rhodes gets here soon. A door nearby slams open and heavy footsteps pound the pavement towards him. He registers it’s Bucky and he tenses. He knows he’s trying to be welcoming or at least be Bucky’s backup if he’s in trouble, but he’s still remembering what this guy did to his car and his wings and…
“Sorry,” Bucky growls, before he leans in and captures Sam’s lips. Sam fights his instinct to shove Bucky away by grabbing him by the front of his shirt. Bucky pulls him a half-step into the alleyway and pushes him against the wall. All this time they’re kissing. It’s starts off rough, but as Bucky’s shifting them it turns filthy. Sam is kinda sure he’s feeling a little weak in the knees from it or maybe he’s just dizzy because this clearly means they’re both in danger. Sam clutches at Bucky’s hoodie for only a moment before he’s reaching around to pull it up and hide Bucky’s shoulder length hair. Then he slides a hand into Bucky’s hair and tugs. Bucky makes a rumbling noise against his mouth and pushes him more firmly against the side of the building. Abruptly he pulls back and says, “Thanks.”
Bucky’s eyes flicker down to Sam’s lips and Sam resists the urge to reel him back in. Bucky’s eyes dart around and he starts to turn.
“You don’t have to do this alone,” Sam tells him.
Bucky pauses. “It isn’t safe.”
“I know. A lot of the shit I’ve done in my life isn’t safe,” Sam points out.
“I’m not...I can’t…” Bucky sighs out a slow breath of frustration.
“Look, let’s get out of here, at least find a safer place. I’ve got back up on the way so let me cancel them.”
Bucky shifts to look at him again. “Steve?”
“No Rhodes.”
Bucky frowns and shakes his head. “I don’t want to tell Steve.”
“You have to know he sometimes just shows up. Let me at least tell him you’re safe and that I’ll contact him when you’re ready.”
For a brief moment Bucky stares at him silently, then nods his assent.
“Which way did they go?”
Bucky nods his head in the direction Sam had been walking from.
“Good, my hotel is in the opposite direction. We can take my car.”
“My car…”
“Mine’s not stolen,” Sam reminds.
“Trackable.”
“Just the Avengers. It’s got more Stark-tech then you’d think they could cram into one vehicle,” Sam counters.
“SHIELD?” Bucky asks.
Sam shakes his head. “SHIELD doesn’t exist anymore.”
“They do.”
“Can we at least be moving towards my car if we’re going to argue?” Sam complains because he’s not sure what it says about him that this back and forth is making him relax.
Bucky turns on his heels and heads towards Sam’s hotel. Sam catches up and keeps pace. He tries to poke at Bucky once or twice, but Bucky just glowers at him. Bucky doesn’t talk until they’re in the car, then he asks, “Does it fly?”
“No.” Sam is partial to flying with his wings, but a flying car...yeah Tony wouldn’t give him a flying car.
“How do you know it’s Stark’s then?” There’s something soft in Bucky’s voice and Sam isn’t sure how to respond. He just gets them on the road and calls Rhodes. He wants to tell Rhodes he’s with Bucky, but he’s only got permission to tell Steve.
They drive for hours, switching off and taking turns napping in the passenger seat. They use a drive thru for breakfast and eat in the car. Sam dozes off again, but wakes up when Bucky parks the car. He blinks at the building in front of them.
“Windmill museum?” Sam questions dubiously.
“Stretch your feet. We need to think of a cover.”
“Cover?”
“Hydra is looking for me. Probably you as well. Us traveling together is easier to find,” Bucky explains.
“So, we’re two college buddies having a last hurrah or we’re a couple on a honeymoon or…”
“The second one,” Bucky decides.
Sam wets his lips. Bucky’s eyes flick down to watch.
“You’ll have to hold my hand,” Sam objects.
“Torture,” Bucky decides. “We’ll need rings.”
Sam sighs. This is getting complicated. He gets out of the car and then waits for Bucky to join him. He holds out his hand and tries to act like it’s natural to be holding hands with a guy that tried to kill him while brainwashed a few months ago. They buy their tickets and spend an hour walking and talking their way around the museum, which is mostly replica of windmills with outside paths. They don’t discuss the plan, just point things out to each other and hold hands.
They spend that night at a hotel and only get one bed. Sam is so grateful for extra time in the shower and a comfortable place to sleep he doesn’t even think to protest when Bucky curls around him. He closes his eyes and goes to sleep telling himself he shouldn’t want Bucky to kiss him again. Bucky is clearly still traumatized and he doesn’t need Sam lusting after him because of a kiss used to distract anyone who might attack them.
Sam wakes up to Bucky returning with donuts, coffee, and two gold bands. Bucky plunks one down on the nightstand next to Sam. He picks it up and turns it over in his hand.
“I don’t get a say in what kind of ring I want?” Sam protests halfheartedly.
“It’ll fit,” Bucky tells him.
Sam slides the ring onto his finger and frowns at it. “I need coffee if I’m going to deal with this.”
Bucky presses a cup into Sam’s hands. He takes it gratefully.
After breakfast Bucky asks, “Would you talk me through shaving?”
“Talk you through?” Sam questions.
“They always shaved me. I wasn’t allowed to have a razor and now shaving is difficult.”
They head to the bathroom. Bucky starts to shake the can of shaving cream.
“No,” Sam tells him as he warms a washcloth in the sink. He hands it to Bucky. “Keep that on your face for a moment.”
Sam decides it’s a horrible idea, but he grabs a chair and pulls it into the bathroom anyhow. He makes Bucky sit down. He drapes a towel over Bucky’s shirt. Then he places the now cool cloth over the sink. His fingers slowly spread the shaving over Bucky’s face. He wets the razor.
“Okay?”
Bucky’s lips are parted slightly. His blue eyes staring up at Sam with a trust Sam isn’t sure he deserves.
“Yes,” Bucky tells him. “Thank you.”
Sam moves slowly and deliberately making sure to check in that Bucky’s comfortable often. More than one their eyes catch each others and Sam wants to close the distance between them. He wants to kiss Bucky again. He continues shaving. When he’s done he warms the washcloth again and cleans off Bucky’s face. He studies him carefully making sure he didn’t miss anything. As he dries off his own face Bucky thanks him again.
“Maybe I’ll try remembering that the next time I feel nervous about a razor,” Bucky says softly.
They travel. They use hotels. They go to museums and any tourist trap that catches their eye, but they always keep moving. Occasionally Natasha or Clint or Natasha and Clint drop in to check on them. They bring them new ID’s and credit cards so that Hydra isn’t tracking them. Sam and Bucky share a bed every night. They hold hands. Bucky occasionally shares memories he’s working through. Sam talks about his family and flying. Then Sam realizes he isn’t thinking about the things along their road trip he would want to share with Riley.
“You okay?” Bucky asks a few moments later when their conversation about the car museum they’ve just been through tapers off.
“I’m fine.”
“Did you see something I missed?” Bucky frowns as he glances around the road.
“No. I’m just missing someone,” Sam says trying to explain, but stay vague at the same time. Then he stills because he realizes he doesn’t want to be vague. He groans. “Keep driving and if what I’m saying is too much tell me.”
Then he tells Bucky about Riley and Bucky listens. He doesn’t interrupt and doesn’t tell Sam to stop. He reaches over and takes Sam’s hand squeezing it. Sam feels drained after. They find a hotel. It’s earlier than they would normally stop, but Sam doesn’t protest.
“Do you need to be around more people?” Bucky asks hesitantly over breakfast.
“I need therapy,” Sam grumbles.
“You said I need therapy,” Bucky points out.
“We both do,” Sam sighs.
“We should call Natasha.”
Sam arches an eyebrow.
Bucky sinks back against the seat and looks away from him.
“You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?” Sam prods.
Bucky looks back at Sam and crosses his arms. “You know you’re going to make me say it.”
“It’s up to you,” Sam smiles minutely.
Bucky smirks.
Sam raises his eyebrows.
Bucky shakes his head. “Okay. Okay. I guess it’s time I talk to Steve.”
Sam agrees.
Bucky gives him a suspicious look.
“You’re the one that said it,” Sam points out. “It only took four months.”
They end up calling Natasha. She gives them the address to the Avengers’ compound. Bucky and Steve take off to talk and Natasha shows Sam where his room is.
“I get my own room?”
Natasha tilts her head. “Do you want to be an Avenger? We didn’t really ask.”
“You did. I agreed.” Sam sighs. “It’ll just be different.”
“No more need for a wedding band?” she asks.
Sam drops his bag inside the door of his room and twists the ring on his finger. He’s kinda gotten used to it. He’s not sure he likes the idea of sleeping alone.
“I’ll get used to being without it,” he tries.
“You and Barnes?” she continues.
“We’re friends. He’s healing.”
She arches an eyebrow. “Just friends?”
“Oh no,” Sam shakes his head. “Do you think Steve didn’t warn me about your matchmaking ways?”
“Everyone’s got to have a hobby,” she smiles.
“I’ll let you know if I want to date,” he laughs as he opens his bag to unpack.
Sam lays awake that night staring at the ceiling. His door opens. He relaxes when he sees Bucky.
“Separate rooms are stupid,” Bucky complains as he closes the door and then gets into bed.
“Sleep first,” Sam says. “Complain later.”
Bucky’s already out for a run with Steve when Sam wakes up. The two of them slowly settle into routines. Bucky and Steve go running in the morning, sometimes Sam joins them. Running helps clear his head but trying to keep up with super soldiers is ridiculous. Bucky and Clint practice in the range together in the evenings. Sam and Natasha discover they have a similar taste in movies and they have a movie night once a week, sometimes Bucky joins them. Therapy happens gradually. Bucky and Sam first. Rhodes shows up when he has leave and makes a point of asking them about what they like about therapy and how it’s helping around Tony, who eventually agrees that it might be something he needs. Bruce agrees that if it works for Tony, he might give it a try. Natasha says she already goes, but she begins to bring it up around Clint. Steve doesn’t comment, but Sam is relatively sure he’s thinking about it.
“Nap?” Bucky asks when he gets home from therapy.
“Sure,” Sam agrees. He isn’t tired, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t find it soothing to read a book while Bucky cuddles against him.
Half an hour later while he’s sitting in his bed reading and Bucky is sleeping curled around him Steve comes to stand in the doorway. “So, you two like each other?”
“Four months of being pretend married,” Sam reminds. “We do.”
Steve quirks his lips at the joke. “You two just argue sometimes. I wasn’t sure if you liked each other or hated each other.”
“We banter,” Sam defends.
“He and I are still figuring that out,” Steve say softly.
They’re all still figuring out their friendship.
“You’ll get there,” Sam encourages.
Steve nods then changes the subject, “Did you want in on the next mission?”
Bucky reaches back, grabs a pillow and chucks it at Steve who just catches it. Bucky peeks an eye open and turns his face into Sam’s side. “Sleeping.”
Steve apologizes and tosses the pillow back. Bucky catches it with one hand and drops it back on the bed. After Steve walks away Bucky rolls onto his back and stares up at Sam. Sam closes his book and waits.
Bucky wets his lips. Sam presses his lips together then wills himself to relax.
“I killed Tony’s parents or Hydra had me kill Tony’s parents or Hydra loaned me out to some guy that worked with Howard and then he had me kill the guy who used to make our weapons during the war and his wife,” Bucky says in a rush. “I don’t remember.”
“Who told you that?” Sam asks.
“Steve and Tony.”
“Are you okay?”
Bucky shrugs. “It’s weird feeling guilty for something I can’t remember. I have memories of Howard now, but I don’t remember killing him.”
“It’s…How’s Tony?”
“Saying he understands what it’s liked to be used by the Stane guy.” Bucky frowns, his expression saying he isn’t totally convinced.
“Obadiah Stane was Hydra?” Sam says before he can think, the words just coming out.
Bucky shrugs again. “We don’t know for sure. He at least worked with them enough to have access to me.”
“That’s fucked up.”
“At least Tony isn’t Hydra?” Bucky offers.
“Yeah, we’d be doomed.”
Bucky smiles slightly at the joke.
“How are you two…” Sam trails off not even sure what he wants to ask.
“We have agreed not to talk about it unless we go to therapy together because we don’t want to hurt each other anymore than we’re already hurt,” Bucky says. “It a very adult decision on both our parts.”
“Rhodey put you up that?” Sam guesses.
“I like him now that I know who he is,” Bucky agrees.
“He’s a good friend,” Sam nods.
Bucky pauses and wets his lips. “Do you want to go on a mission?”
“Eventually.”
Bucky nods. “Don’t let Hydra touch you.”
“I wouldn’t be going against them on my own,” Sam reminds.
“Yeah, but I don’t want them hurting you.”
Sam hears what Bucky is trying to say, that he doesn’t want Hydra doing to Sam what they’ve done to him. Sam sets his book down and wraps himself around Bucky.
“I wouldn’t be alone,” he reminds.
“I know.” Bucky agrees.
Eventually he does go out with the Avengers to help them shut down Hydra. Bucky always sleeps fitfully afterwards.
On his third mission as an Avenger one of his wings get sheered off and as he starts to spiral downwards he can hear Clint yelling that Falcon needs assistance. He deploys the parachute that Tony insisted on hoping that he makes it to the ground. Hulk is suddenly just there keeping anyone away from him and he makes it safely out of the battle.
Bucky hugs him tightly when everyone makes it back home. Sam holds him just as tightly. Bucky pulls back enough to cup his face. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I’m fine,” he tries.
“Sam,” Bucky worries.
“I’m right here,” he reassures.
Bucky’s eyes dart over his face and settle on his lips. For a moment Sam thinks Bucky is going to kiss him in front of all their friends and Sam almost closes that distance himself. He makes himself close his eyes and rock back on his heels as he reassures. “I’m fine.”
Bucky hugs him tightly again and lets him go. Sam thinks that’s the end of it.
When they settle into bed that night Bucky looks over Sam’s injuries and reassures both of them that there are only minor cuts and bruises. He holds onto Sam tightly. When Sam wakes up he’s the one holding onto Bucky. He buries his face against Bucky’s back and takes a deep breath. What is he doing to himself? Maybe it’d be healthier for both him and Bucky if he tells Natasha that he’s ready to date?
Bucky runs a thumb over his hand and Sam shifts back. Bucky turns to face him. He kisses Sam. It’s brief Sam barely gets to kiss him back.
“I had this whole plan to get my head together and then…” Bucky pauses and wrinkles his nose. “Date is the wrong word and seduce is too strong. You’re going to mock me if I say woo you.”
“You’re right. I’ll mock you,” Sam smiles.
“Date?” Bucky settles on.
“Are you ready to date?”
“I’m not ready to lose you,” Bucky tells him.
“I’m still here,” Sam reminds. “I don’t want to push you into anything you’re not ready for.”
“Maybe slow?” Bucky offers. “I’m tired of waiting. I’m doing better. I think you’re doing better too?”
“Yes,” Sam agrees.
Bucky smiles. Sam smiles back.
“So, we’re dating?” Sam attempts to clarify.
“Yes,” Bucky agrees.
“The science museum just got that exhibit last week about the possibility of flying cars,” Sam offers.
“There should already be flying cars,” Bucky complains.
“Do you want to do something else? I think the history museum…”
“No, I wanted to go to that one,” Bucky agrees.
Sam laughs and kisses him. Bucky cups his cheek and kisses back. It’s slow and exploring. Sam smiles slightly into the kiss. Bucky smiles too, then kisses him again.
Fandom: MCU Post Winter Solider
Pairing:
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Marvel. It's not my toy box and I'm merely playing.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Post Winter Solider Bucky agrees to travel with Sam. They decide it's safer to pose as a couple on honeymoon.
A/N: Written for kuchi for the
piningexchange. Thank you to midnightclarity for the beta. Sam is grieving Riley at the beginning of the fic and has a one night stand with Steve.Where the Road Takes Us:
Sam is recovering. At least that’s what he keeps telling himself, it sounds better than he’s broken. He’s not sure there won’t be a day that he doesn’t miss Riley. He can go days without being haunted by the sight of Riley falling out of the sky. The helplessness of not being able to reach Riley before he hit the ground no longer fills his mouth with the bitter taste of guilt. He still gets overwhelmed by guilt, but it’s no longer so tangible. He still hasn’t dated anyone. He’s gone out on dates, he’s even had a few one-night stands, but having a relationship isn’t something he’s ready for. He knows Riley is dead. He knows he’s never getting Riley back, but he’s not quite ready to feel as if he’s grieved Riley and moved on.
He misses his wings. He longs to fly again.
He tells himself he can still find a way to help people, so he throws most of his time and energy into working at the VA and finding other ways to help veterans who are also recovering. It leaves him feeling less useless, less guilty, and less broken if he can help someone else who feels the same.
Then he goes to what used to be his and Riley’s favorite running spot after a night where he has dreams full of Riley and gets hit on by Steve Rogers. He flirts back. He even flirts with the red head who comes to whisk Steve away. He misses Riley as they pull away. How fun would it have been to laugh with Riley over getting hit on by a living legend? Riley wouldn’t have been jealous; he’d have sat back and watched with an amused look and they’d have laughed about it after. Except there’s no Riley to laugh with, no Riley to go home to and make breakfast with. Sam is alone. He needs more friends.
He stops in at Radek’s before he heads into work. Spending time with Radek’s pigeons is always soothing. Maybe he should get a bird of his own?
He’s still turning the thought over, considering his options when Steve finds him. They have dinner and Sam feels himself relaxing. The want to tell Riley, to be doing this with Riley, is there, but he pushes it away and flirts. Sam invites Steve back to his place even as he’s reminding himself he needs more friends. He expects Steve to want more than he’s able to give, but he decides to stress how emotionally unavailable he is over breakfast. Sam doesn’t expect for Steve to thank him after two rounds of sex and then insist on going home. He wants to Steve to stay the night, want the opportunity to make Steve breakfast. He swallows the bitterness of Steve leaving and imagines Riley teasing him for having expectations from what is clearly a one night stand.
Except Steve comes back, Natasha with him. How did he become the guy Steve can trust when the whole world is going to shit?
He decides he can forgive Steve and Natasha for anything when they all quip their way through stealing his wings back. There are several times after agreeing to help Steve where he thinks he’s going to die. He’s not going to forgive them if he dies. Haunting is a threat he decides to pull out later, after Steve is out of the hospital. Except other Avengers show up while Steve is in the hospital and somehow because both Steve and Natasha vouch for him Sam is now an Avenger. He gets a new set of wings, Steve gets information that Hawkeye, who’s now Clint, brings about Bucky.
He and Steve try to find Bucky or at least make sure he’s safe from Hydra and knows there are places and people he can go to for help, if he wants it. Sam and Steve settle into a friendship, that often sees Sam trying to find Bucky and Steve having to help the Avengers take down Hydra compounds. It’s not lonely though. Steve, Natasha, or Clint periodically join him. He and Steve text multiple times a day. He gets check ins with Maria Hill or Jimmy Woo depending on who’s available.
Then Bucky crashes into his life again. Sam is relatively sure he’s in the right town, near the right building. He’s also relatively sure that Hydra is also around. The closet Avenger turns out to be War Machine. Sam oscillates between excitement over finally meeting Colonel Rhodes and feeling guilty that he’s interrupting Rhodes’ leave.
Sam walks down the main street keeping a lookout for Bucky or trouble while hoping Rhodes gets here soon. A door nearby slams open and heavy footsteps pound the pavement towards him. He registers it’s Bucky and he tenses. He knows he’s trying to be welcoming or at least be Bucky’s backup if he’s in trouble, but he’s still remembering what this guy did to his car and his wings and…
“Sorry,” Bucky growls, before he leans in and captures Sam’s lips. Sam fights his instinct to shove Bucky away by grabbing him by the front of his shirt. Bucky pulls him a half-step into the alleyway and pushes him against the wall. All this time they’re kissing. It’s starts off rough, but as Bucky’s shifting them it turns filthy. Sam is kinda sure he’s feeling a little weak in the knees from it or maybe he’s just dizzy because this clearly means they’re both in danger. Sam clutches at Bucky’s hoodie for only a moment before he’s reaching around to pull it up and hide Bucky’s shoulder length hair. Then he slides a hand into Bucky’s hair and tugs. Bucky makes a rumbling noise against his mouth and pushes him more firmly against the side of the building. Abruptly he pulls back and says, “Thanks.”
Bucky’s eyes flicker down to Sam’s lips and Sam resists the urge to reel him back in. Bucky’s eyes dart around and he starts to turn.
“You don’t have to do this alone,” Sam tells him.
Bucky pauses. “It isn’t safe.”
“I know. A lot of the shit I’ve done in my life isn’t safe,” Sam points out.
“I’m not...I can’t…” Bucky sighs out a slow breath of frustration.
“Look, let’s get out of here, at least find a safer place. I’ve got back up on the way so let me cancel them.”
Bucky shifts to look at him again. “Steve?”
“No Rhodes.”
Bucky frowns and shakes his head. “I don’t want to tell Steve.”
“You have to know he sometimes just shows up. Let me at least tell him you’re safe and that I’ll contact him when you’re ready.”
For a brief moment Bucky stares at him silently, then nods his assent.
“Which way did they go?”
Bucky nods his head in the direction Sam had been walking from.
“Good, my hotel is in the opposite direction. We can take my car.”
“My car…”
“Mine’s not stolen,” Sam reminds.
“Trackable.”
“Just the Avengers. It’s got more Stark-tech then you’d think they could cram into one vehicle,” Sam counters.
“SHIELD?” Bucky asks.
Sam shakes his head. “SHIELD doesn’t exist anymore.”
“They do.”
“Can we at least be moving towards my car if we’re going to argue?” Sam complains because he’s not sure what it says about him that this back and forth is making him relax.
Bucky turns on his heels and heads towards Sam’s hotel. Sam catches up and keeps pace. He tries to poke at Bucky once or twice, but Bucky just glowers at him. Bucky doesn’t talk until they’re in the car, then he asks, “Does it fly?”
“No.” Sam is partial to flying with his wings, but a flying car...yeah Tony wouldn’t give him a flying car.
“How do you know it’s Stark’s then?” There’s something soft in Bucky’s voice and Sam isn’t sure how to respond. He just gets them on the road and calls Rhodes. He wants to tell Rhodes he’s with Bucky, but he’s only got permission to tell Steve.
They drive for hours, switching off and taking turns napping in the passenger seat. They use a drive thru for breakfast and eat in the car. Sam dozes off again, but wakes up when Bucky parks the car. He blinks at the building in front of them.
“Windmill museum?” Sam questions dubiously.
“Stretch your feet. We need to think of a cover.”
“Cover?”
“Hydra is looking for me. Probably you as well. Us traveling together is easier to find,” Bucky explains.
“So, we’re two college buddies having a last hurrah or we’re a couple on a honeymoon or…”
“The second one,” Bucky decides.
Sam wets his lips. Bucky’s eyes flick down to watch.
“You’ll have to hold my hand,” Sam objects.
“Torture,” Bucky decides. “We’ll need rings.”
Sam sighs. This is getting complicated. He gets out of the car and then waits for Bucky to join him. He holds out his hand and tries to act like it’s natural to be holding hands with a guy that tried to kill him while brainwashed a few months ago. They buy their tickets and spend an hour walking and talking their way around the museum, which is mostly replica of windmills with outside paths. They don’t discuss the plan, just point things out to each other and hold hands.
They spend that night at a hotel and only get one bed. Sam is so grateful for extra time in the shower and a comfortable place to sleep he doesn’t even think to protest when Bucky curls around him. He closes his eyes and goes to sleep telling himself he shouldn’t want Bucky to kiss him again. Bucky is clearly still traumatized and he doesn’t need Sam lusting after him because of a kiss used to distract anyone who might attack them.
Sam wakes up to Bucky returning with donuts, coffee, and two gold bands. Bucky plunks one down on the nightstand next to Sam. He picks it up and turns it over in his hand.
“I don’t get a say in what kind of ring I want?” Sam protests halfheartedly.
“It’ll fit,” Bucky tells him.
Sam slides the ring onto his finger and frowns at it. “I need coffee if I’m going to deal with this.”
Bucky presses a cup into Sam’s hands. He takes it gratefully.
After breakfast Bucky asks, “Would you talk me through shaving?”
“Talk you through?” Sam questions.
“They always shaved me. I wasn’t allowed to have a razor and now shaving is difficult.”
They head to the bathroom. Bucky starts to shake the can of shaving cream.
“No,” Sam tells him as he warms a washcloth in the sink. He hands it to Bucky. “Keep that on your face for a moment.”
Sam decides it’s a horrible idea, but he grabs a chair and pulls it into the bathroom anyhow. He makes Bucky sit down. He drapes a towel over Bucky’s shirt. Then he places the now cool cloth over the sink. His fingers slowly spread the shaving over Bucky’s face. He wets the razor.
“Okay?”
Bucky’s lips are parted slightly. His blue eyes staring up at Sam with a trust Sam isn’t sure he deserves.
“Yes,” Bucky tells him. “Thank you.”
Sam moves slowly and deliberately making sure to check in that Bucky’s comfortable often. More than one their eyes catch each others and Sam wants to close the distance between them. He wants to kiss Bucky again. He continues shaving. When he’s done he warms the washcloth again and cleans off Bucky’s face. He studies him carefully making sure he didn’t miss anything. As he dries off his own face Bucky thanks him again.
“Maybe I’ll try remembering that the next time I feel nervous about a razor,” Bucky says softly.
They travel. They use hotels. They go to museums and any tourist trap that catches their eye, but they always keep moving. Occasionally Natasha or Clint or Natasha and Clint drop in to check on them. They bring them new ID’s and credit cards so that Hydra isn’t tracking them. Sam and Bucky share a bed every night. They hold hands. Bucky occasionally shares memories he’s working through. Sam talks about his family and flying. Then Sam realizes he isn’t thinking about the things along their road trip he would want to share with Riley.
“You okay?” Bucky asks a few moments later when their conversation about the car museum they’ve just been through tapers off.
“I’m fine.”
“Did you see something I missed?” Bucky frowns as he glances around the road.
“No. I’m just missing someone,” Sam says trying to explain, but stay vague at the same time. Then he stills because he realizes he doesn’t want to be vague. He groans. “Keep driving and if what I’m saying is too much tell me.”
Then he tells Bucky about Riley and Bucky listens. He doesn’t interrupt and doesn’t tell Sam to stop. He reaches over and takes Sam’s hand squeezing it. Sam feels drained after. They find a hotel. It’s earlier than they would normally stop, but Sam doesn’t protest.
“Do you need to be around more people?” Bucky asks hesitantly over breakfast.
“I need therapy,” Sam grumbles.
“You said I need therapy,” Bucky points out.
“We both do,” Sam sighs.
“We should call Natasha.”
Sam arches an eyebrow.
Bucky sinks back against the seat and looks away from him.
“You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?” Sam prods.
Bucky looks back at Sam and crosses his arms. “You know you’re going to make me say it.”
“It’s up to you,” Sam smiles minutely.
Bucky smirks.
Sam raises his eyebrows.
Bucky shakes his head. “Okay. Okay. I guess it’s time I talk to Steve.”
Sam agrees.
Bucky gives him a suspicious look.
“You’re the one that said it,” Sam points out. “It only took four months.”
They end up calling Natasha. She gives them the address to the Avengers’ compound. Bucky and Steve take off to talk and Natasha shows Sam where his room is.
“I get my own room?”
Natasha tilts her head. “Do you want to be an Avenger? We didn’t really ask.”
“You did. I agreed.” Sam sighs. “It’ll just be different.”
“No more need for a wedding band?” she asks.
Sam drops his bag inside the door of his room and twists the ring on his finger. He’s kinda gotten used to it. He’s not sure he likes the idea of sleeping alone.
“I’ll get used to being without it,” he tries.
“You and Barnes?” she continues.
“We’re friends. He’s healing.”
She arches an eyebrow. “Just friends?”
“Oh no,” Sam shakes his head. “Do you think Steve didn’t warn me about your matchmaking ways?”
“Everyone’s got to have a hobby,” she smiles.
“I’ll let you know if I want to date,” he laughs as he opens his bag to unpack.
Sam lays awake that night staring at the ceiling. His door opens. He relaxes when he sees Bucky.
“Separate rooms are stupid,” Bucky complains as he closes the door and then gets into bed.
“Sleep first,” Sam says. “Complain later.”
Bucky’s already out for a run with Steve when Sam wakes up. The two of them slowly settle into routines. Bucky and Steve go running in the morning, sometimes Sam joins them. Running helps clear his head but trying to keep up with super soldiers is ridiculous. Bucky and Clint practice in the range together in the evenings. Sam and Natasha discover they have a similar taste in movies and they have a movie night once a week, sometimes Bucky joins them. Therapy happens gradually. Bucky and Sam first. Rhodes shows up when he has leave and makes a point of asking them about what they like about therapy and how it’s helping around Tony, who eventually agrees that it might be something he needs. Bruce agrees that if it works for Tony, he might give it a try. Natasha says she already goes, but she begins to bring it up around Clint. Steve doesn’t comment, but Sam is relatively sure he’s thinking about it.
“Nap?” Bucky asks when he gets home from therapy.
“Sure,” Sam agrees. He isn’t tired, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t find it soothing to read a book while Bucky cuddles against him.
Half an hour later while he’s sitting in his bed reading and Bucky is sleeping curled around him Steve comes to stand in the doorway. “So, you two like each other?”
“Four months of being pretend married,” Sam reminds. “We do.”
Steve quirks his lips at the joke. “You two just argue sometimes. I wasn’t sure if you liked each other or hated each other.”
“We banter,” Sam defends.
“He and I are still figuring that out,” Steve say softly.
They’re all still figuring out their friendship.
“You’ll get there,” Sam encourages.
Steve nods then changes the subject, “Did you want in on the next mission?”
Bucky reaches back, grabs a pillow and chucks it at Steve who just catches it. Bucky peeks an eye open and turns his face into Sam’s side. “Sleeping.”
Steve apologizes and tosses the pillow back. Bucky catches it with one hand and drops it back on the bed. After Steve walks away Bucky rolls onto his back and stares up at Sam. Sam closes his book and waits.
Bucky wets his lips. Sam presses his lips together then wills himself to relax.
“I killed Tony’s parents or Hydra had me kill Tony’s parents or Hydra loaned me out to some guy that worked with Howard and then he had me kill the guy who used to make our weapons during the war and his wife,” Bucky says in a rush. “I don’t remember.”
“Who told you that?” Sam asks.
“Steve and Tony.”
“Are you okay?”
Bucky shrugs. “It’s weird feeling guilty for something I can’t remember. I have memories of Howard now, but I don’t remember killing him.”
“It’s…How’s Tony?”
“Saying he understands what it’s liked to be used by the Stane guy.” Bucky frowns, his expression saying he isn’t totally convinced.
“Obadiah Stane was Hydra?” Sam says before he can think, the words just coming out.
Bucky shrugs again. “We don’t know for sure. He at least worked with them enough to have access to me.”
“That’s fucked up.”
“At least Tony isn’t Hydra?” Bucky offers.
“Yeah, we’d be doomed.”
Bucky smiles slightly at the joke.
“How are you two…” Sam trails off not even sure what he wants to ask.
“We have agreed not to talk about it unless we go to therapy together because we don’t want to hurt each other anymore than we’re already hurt,” Bucky says. “It a very adult decision on both our parts.”
“Rhodey put you up that?” Sam guesses.
“I like him now that I know who he is,” Bucky agrees.
“He’s a good friend,” Sam nods.
Bucky pauses and wets his lips. “Do you want to go on a mission?”
“Eventually.”
Bucky nods. “Don’t let Hydra touch you.”
“I wouldn’t be going against them on my own,” Sam reminds.
“Yeah, but I don’t want them hurting you.”
Sam hears what Bucky is trying to say, that he doesn’t want Hydra doing to Sam what they’ve done to him. Sam sets his book down and wraps himself around Bucky.
“I wouldn’t be alone,” he reminds.
“I know.” Bucky agrees.
Eventually he does go out with the Avengers to help them shut down Hydra. Bucky always sleeps fitfully afterwards.
On his third mission as an Avenger one of his wings get sheered off and as he starts to spiral downwards he can hear Clint yelling that Falcon needs assistance. He deploys the parachute that Tony insisted on hoping that he makes it to the ground. Hulk is suddenly just there keeping anyone away from him and he makes it safely out of the battle.
Bucky hugs him tightly when everyone makes it back home. Sam holds him just as tightly. Bucky pulls back enough to cup his face. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I’m fine,” he tries.
“Sam,” Bucky worries.
“I’m right here,” he reassures.
Bucky’s eyes dart over his face and settle on his lips. For a moment Sam thinks Bucky is going to kiss him in front of all their friends and Sam almost closes that distance himself. He makes himself close his eyes and rock back on his heels as he reassures. “I’m fine.”
Bucky hugs him tightly again and lets him go. Sam thinks that’s the end of it.
When they settle into bed that night Bucky looks over Sam’s injuries and reassures both of them that there are only minor cuts and bruises. He holds onto Sam tightly. When Sam wakes up he’s the one holding onto Bucky. He buries his face against Bucky’s back and takes a deep breath. What is he doing to himself? Maybe it’d be healthier for both him and Bucky if he tells Natasha that he’s ready to date?
Bucky runs a thumb over his hand and Sam shifts back. Bucky turns to face him. He kisses Sam. It’s brief Sam barely gets to kiss him back.
“I had this whole plan to get my head together and then…” Bucky pauses and wrinkles his nose. “Date is the wrong word and seduce is too strong. You’re going to mock me if I say woo you.”
“You’re right. I’ll mock you,” Sam smiles.
“Date?” Bucky settles on.
“Are you ready to date?”
“I’m not ready to lose you,” Bucky tells him.
“I’m still here,” Sam reminds. “I don’t want to push you into anything you’re not ready for.”
“Maybe slow?” Bucky offers. “I’m tired of waiting. I’m doing better. I think you’re doing better too?”
“Yes,” Sam agrees.
Bucky smiles. Sam smiles back.
“So, we’re dating?” Sam attempts to clarify.
“Yes,” Bucky agrees.
“The science museum just got that exhibit last week about the possibility of flying cars,” Sam offers.
“There should already be flying cars,” Bucky complains.
“Do you want to do something else? I think the history museum…”
“No, I wanted to go to that one,” Bucky agrees.
Sam laughs and kisses him. Bucky cups his cheek and kisses back. It’s slow and exploring. Sam smiles slightly into the kiss. Bucky smiles too, then kisses him again.
From:
no subject
From:
no subject