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Title: Learning to Be Astonished
Fandom: Star Wars
Pairings: Kallus/Zeb
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Star Wars. It's not my toy box and I'm merely playing.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Five dates that Zeb took Alex on and one date that Alex took Zeb on.
A/N: Written for the Kalluzeb Reverse Minibang. Title is from the poem "The Messenger" by Mary Oliver. Part of the fic inspired by Congaree National Park Fireflies, Sequoias, and the Northern Lights. Thank you to MapleOwl18 for listening to me go on about this fic and making date suggestions, especially for introducing me to Downtime! Art by lothpup, which is at the end of the fic on AO3.
Learning to Be Astonished:
1.
Part of Alex’s physical therapy is that he takes a walk every day. He tries to make himself go early in the morning, hopeful that Yavin will feel less humid in the pre-morning light. When Zeb starts to join him, strolling casually beside him on the path, Alex isn’t sure what to think, but the conversation is easy and he wants as much time with Zeb as possible, especially after that horrible moment on Lothal when he’d thought Zeb had died. Still, the base is built in a jungle and it rains often. Zeb despises wet fur, but he lets Alex help him dry off after. It starts to feel sensual, but Alex is sure that Zeb will never be interested in him romantically or even carnally.
“How bout we go this way today,” Zeb suggests pointing to one of the more used paths. The dirt is packed down from so much foot travel until it reaches a small wooden outbuilding, the path is less worn after, but still visible.
Alex knows there’s no good reason to object, even if his first thought is that the outbuilding will be the perfect place to wait out the rain, when they inevitably get caught in it. All he can think is that maybe Zeb didn’t want his help drying off. He still wants Zeb’s company, walking is easier, seems to go faster, when Zeb is there to talk with.
“I haven’t in awhile,” Alex admits.
Zeb gives him a hopeful look.
“Alright, Garazeb,” Alex agrees, letting himself smile at the way Zeb looks at him when he uses his given name. It’s a warm look, letting Alex imagine for a moment that Zeb might be interested, that Alex’s feelings might be mutual. He doesn’t really believe they could be, he’s lucky that Zeb even wants to be friends. He’ll forever be grateful that it was Zeb he was stranded on Bahryn with. Would he have started questioning the lies he’d been believing for years if he’d been stranded with anyone besides Zeb? Alex isn’t sure, he is relatively sure the only reason he lived was because it was Zeb he was stranded with.
The path in front of them is a cacophony of greens with a fallen trunk to one side. There’s such an abundance of trees that the trunks seem obscured by the large leaves. The path is narrow enough that occasionally their arms and hands brush. Alex tries not to read into it as he asks Zeb about his plans for the day.
“Uh, this walk with you and then we’ll see what happens,” Zeb answers.
Alex pauses to stare at him. Most of his days are carefully planned, but Zeb goes on more missions than he does, maybe his job is less regimented.
“Are you free for lunch?” Alex asks, then lets Zeb know what time he’s scheduled for his lunch break.
“I could do lunch,” Zeb says after a moment of hesitation.
“If you already have other plans,” Alex starts since he’s not sure why Zeb hesitated, but he doesn’t want Zeb to feel obligated. He enjoys spending time with Zeb, but…
Zeb turns and takes his hands. Alex swallows as he looks at Zeb.
The sky opens up and the rain starts. Zeb bristles and growls, glaring upwards. Alex allows himself a brief moment of admonishment for how attractive he finds that before he tugs Zeb’s hand and they make a run for the outbuilding. Thankfully it isn’t far and the rain doesn’t grow into a steady, heavy downpour until they’ve safely ducked inside.
There’s a large stack of towels someone must have recently brought out here and Alex grabs one to wipe his own face before he moves to help Zeb dry off. Zeb laughs. “I didn’t get too wet this time.”
“This path was a good suggestion then,” Alex comments as he finds a sturdy container to sit on so he can stretch out his leg. The rain is soothing now that it’s hitting the roof of the building and they aren’t caught in it.
“Might be here for a moment,” Zeb comments as the sound of the rain picks up.
Alex shrugs. “You’re dry.”
“For now,” Zeb growls.
“You didn’t get that wet!”
“Not this time!”
Alex grins, attempting to resist the urge to laugh. It’s difficult when Zeb is grinning at him, looking close to laughter himself.
“Caf?” Zeb asks.
“What?”
“Would you like some caf?” Zeb clarified as he points out where a pot with a hot plate is set up. Alex thanks him, handing over his canteen. He lets himself relax as Zeb starts the water boiling and finds them some mugs.
Wrapping his hands around the warm mug of caf with the continual patter of rain and Zeb a comfortable presence next to him on the container Alex feels his shoulders relax, feels tension start to unspool from his spine. He takes a sip, feeling the heat infuse through him. He closes his eyes. Zeb leans in close and Alex lets himself lean back.
“Comfortable Sasha?” Zeb asks.
Alex lets himself make an affirmative noise as he tells himself not to read too much into Zeb’s nickname for him.
They relax for a moment more, then Zeb says, “I’ve been wondering about something?”
Alex opens his eyes, letting himself glance up at Zeb, who meets his gaze briefly and then looks away. His ears start to flatten. “Is something wrong Zeb?”
“No, no. Nothings wrong,” Zeb reassures in a rush. It doesn’t feel genuine. Judging by Zeb’s ears and his fur, he’s nervous about something.
“I’ll help if I can,” Alex tries, hoping his words will help at least a little. He reaches over and squeezes Zeb's hand. He finds himself wishing for the peace of a few moments before.
“Ah,” Zeb stalls. “I’ve been wondering about Human dating.”
“Human dating?” Alex repeats. Who does Zeb want to date? He tries to tell himself not to be jealous, but the feeling simmers in his gut regardless.
“Yeah,” Zeb says, drawing out the word. “Specifically what kind of dates Humans like. What do you usually do when you date someone?”
Alex snorts. “If the Empire wanted me to be married they’d have issued me a spouse.”
Zeb’s ears flatten just that bit more. Alex squeezes his hand.
“Please tell me that’s a joke,” Zeb says in a plaintive tone.
“A poor attempt at one, it seems,” Alex sighs. He takes another sip of his caf as he thinks. “I entered the academy young and I don’t really have any practical experience with romance.”
“Oh,” Zeb frowns, ears relaxing slightly, then flattening again as he asks, “Do you like sex?”
“Yes. Do you?” This might be the single weirdest conversation Alex has ever had.
“Yes,” Zeb says. “So you’ve had sex, but you never dated?”
“I’ve mostly had one-night stands, occasionally more than one night, but not more than two. I don’t have any practical experience with relationships Zeb, you might do better asking someone else.”
“I wanted to ask you,” Zeb’s voice goes soft and Alex can’t help but squeeze his hands again. “What kind of dates do you think you’d enjoy?”
Alex frowns. “I think food is standard?”
“Yes, that’s standard with Lasat’s too.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Zeb smiles at him, ears finally flicking away from his head. Alex feels himself relaxing along with Zeb. Then Zeb says, “I know you like caf, what other foods do you like?”
Alex blinks, then shakes his head. “Zeb, you should ask the person you want to date that.”
Zeb stares at him, long and hard and Alex frowns. Part of him considers that maybe Zeb wants to date him, but no Alex knows better and he’s not going to embarrass himself by entertaining the possibility. He squeezes Zeb’s hand again and takes another sip of his caf. Zeb sighs, almost groans, and leans into him again, then Zeb steers the conversation towards their plans for the day and what they’re hoping the mess will fix for lunch.
2.
Alex rubs his hands over his face and tries not to scream in frustration. His stomach rumbles and he tries to ignore it. The Alliance probably needs to change their base again soon and he’s one of the people tasked with narrowing down their choices.
There’s a knock on the door and Alex sits back, letting his hands drop. Zeb’s standing there and it’s been so long since they’ve been on the same base. Usually when they’re on the same base Zeb brings him a meal, but there aren’t any trays in his hands. Still, he’s smiling at Alex and he can’t help but smile back. He wants to stand, wants to wrap himself around Zeb and just rest against him for a moment. “It’s good to see you, Garazeb.”
Zeb’s grin widens. “It’s good to see you too.”
“When did the Ghost get in?”
“Just now. I think we’re starting to tear down the base tomorrow,” Zeb says.
Kallus sits back in his chair. Trying to keep up ideas for temporary bases that the Empire won’t think of is proving to be a large responsibility. Breaking up everyone into smaller groups again is proving essential to their survival, but it’s been awhile since he’s seen Zeb and he’s not sure when they’ll have time together after the base is stripped clean. He’s sure his smile turns tired. He reaches over and saves his work. He should’ve stopped work a while ago and he can at least enjoy Zeb’s company for the rest of the night. “Do you have any plans?”
“Have you eaten?” Zeb asks.
Alex tries not to grimace. He saw what some of his officemates brought back from the mess earlier. “Not yet.”
“Have you been to Downtime yet? I think they’re serving that stew you like.”
Alex stills and tilts his head. “The pilot’s tapcafe? I’m not sure they’d want Intelligence there.”
“You’re just there for the good company and the stew,” Zeb wheddles.
Alex laughs, he can’t help it, not with the hopeful look on Zeb’s face and being bribed with stew. He agrees as he stands, then amends, “Unless someone is uncomfortable with my presence, then I’ll leave.”
“We’ll leave and take our stew with us,” Zeb informs him.
Alex makes a considering noise and lets Zeb show him where this tapcafe is. He knows it’s going to be mostly alcohol: pilots' lives tend to be short so of course they like to drink and have fun. It’s a hole in the wall, difficult to find, and a small space. Zeb finds them a table near a wall. The table itself is a large overturned crate while the chairs are ejector seats. It’s surprisingly comfortable, even if the room is full of noise. Thankfully the stew, when held close, smells delicious and Alex can concentrate on it rather than the smell of sweat and strong liquor.
“This is darker than their last one,” he comments.
Zeb snorts. “Wedge complained to Sabine. She already set aside several supplies we stole that can easily be turned into neon lights.”
Alex shakes his head, but knowing Sabine she’ll have used supplies that couldn’t be turned into useful explosives. “They’ll like that.”
“I think the point is more the company, than the lighting,” Zeb comments.
Alex smiles as their eyes meet. The point is definitely the company, and for most pilots also the alcohol, but for Alex he’ll cherish Zeb’s company as long as he can. He’s just not sure how to say that without sounding lecherous.
“You look more relaxed,” Zeb smiles.
“Good company and good food,” Alex says. “Thank you, Garazeb. I wouldn’t have come here on my own.”
Zeb grins, looking pleased. They lapse into silence as they eat for a moment, then they slowly spend the rest of the night catching up.
3.
There’s a park near the base with designated walking and picnicking areas. Alex isn’t sure why Zeb asks him to have dinner with him there, but it’s nice to get away from the base for a bit. The food Zeb packs is delicious and Alex feels himself start to relax. He can’t be fully relaxed, because they’re away from the base and an easy evacuation. The sun is just starting to set. “Should we head back.”
Zeb shakes his head. “My mother used to tell me stories about Congaree and now we have a base here at the exact right time of year.”
“Time of year?” Alex asks, wondering just what Zeb knows about this planet that he doesn’t. It can’t be anything dangerous, his team would know about it. He glances around the field they’re in front of as he tries to think of why Zeb would bring him here. The sun setting, with the sky turning orange and pink on the horizon, is beautiful.
He glances at Zeb, who grins at him.
“Fireflies,” Alex realizes. “There are synchronic fireflies here. It’s the right time of year?”
“We’re in the right window for this area.”
Shouldn’t Zeb be trying to share this with the rest of the Spectres? They’re his family. Why bring Alex here? He’s grateful. He reaches over and takes Zeb’s hand, letting himself enjoy the sunset. He can’t remember the last time he just sat with someone and watched the sky change colors. Zeb wraps an arm around his shoulder and Alex lets himself settle against him. They talk softly as it grows dark, both wondering what base they’ll end up at next and how long it’ll be until they have time together again.
As it gets dark there’s a tiny light here and there as the fireflies start trying to attract mates. The darker it gets the more lights there are twinkling in the dark. Small lights that almost seem to pulsate together. Then there are so many fireflies floating around that it’s easy to make out some of their flight paths by their lights. There have to be thousands of them. Alex feels his breath catch. He turns to thank Zeb, tell him how beautiful he’s finding it and realizes that Zeb is watching him and not the fireflies.
“Don’t miss it,” Alex tells him.
“I’m not,” Zeb responds.
Their faces are close together. Alex can feel Zeb’s breath on his skin. He wets his lips, lets his eyes meet Zeb’s. Zeb is backlit by the fireflies. Alex can’t help, but cup his cheek. Zeb rubs his face against Alex’s hands.
“Is this a date?” Alex manages to ask. He’s not sure how he gets the words out, how he manages to break the silence between them, as he remembers all the times he’s spent with Zeb that felt like they were edging close to being dates, but that he took as two friends spending time together. He’s been wanting Zeb, wanting to date Zeb, but knowing he doesn’t have a chance for a long time now. What if he’s been wrong?
“I’d like it to be,” Zeb answers.
“H-have we been dating and I didn’t notice?”
Zeb leans in until his forehead is resting against Alex’s. His hands come up to cup Alex’s face, reminding Alex how large they are. He’s tall and broad for a Human, he’s not a small man, but Zeb is larger and the thought makes something inside Alex go wanting.
“If all you want to be is friends,” Zeb tells him. “Then I’ll be happy to be your friend, but if you want to date, that’d make me very happy.”
For a moment all Alex can think of is all the reasons he doesn’t deserve to date Zeb, but Zeb wants to date him. Him! Alex didn’t realize that awe could fill him so thoroughly.
“Garazeb,” he manages. “Please.”
Zeb smirks just slightly. “Are we using given names? Is that a thing we’re doing?”
“I…”
“I’d really like to kiss you, Alexsandr.”
“I’m an awful spy.”
Zeb laughs.
“I’ll absolutely accept you kissing it better.”
Still laughing, Zeb presses a kiss to his forehead. Alex sighs. He didn’t realize that a kiss could be so soothing. Zeb’s cheeks rub against his, first one side and then the other and then Zeb’s lips press against his. After several slow kisses Zeb’s tongue slips into his mouth and Alex sucks on it, enjoying the way that makes Zeb groan. As Zeb pulls back Alex nips at his bottom lip and Zeb kisses him again, less carefully this time, more hungry. Alex presses close, tries to pull Zeb closer. He lets Zeb press him onto his back, lets himself enjoy the weight of Zeb on top of him as they continue to kiss. Zeb rubs their cheeks together again, then kisses his jaw. Zeb licks his neck and Alex shudders, pressing up into him. He wraps his legs around Zeb’s thighs and...Zeb pauses.
“Zeb?” Alex asks.
“I’m sorry, got a little carried away,” Zeb asks, voice gone low with lust.
“I wasn’t complaining,” Alex points out.
Zeb snorts, presses a kiss to his cheek. “Thing is, I don’t want a one-night stand. I want to keep dating. I’d like sex with you, but…”
“Zeb, finding time to be alone with you is rare,” Alex lets himself interrupt. “I’d like sex with you too.”
Zeb chuckles, then kisses his neck. Alex closes his eyes and tips his head back to give Zeb more access.
“And dating after?” Zeb ventures. He sounds almost hesitant. “I want a relationship with you Sasha.”
“I’ve never had a relationship,” Alex admits. “I’m not sure I’m going to be any good at it, but I’d like to try, with you.”
Zeb kisses him again, presses close again, and Alex kisses back, letting hope bloom in his chest.
4.
It’s been a month since they’ve been assigned to the same carrier ship and two months since they’ve been planetside. Dating so far is sex when they manage time alone, which tends to be fleeting, and a lot of talking when they can’t be alone, but can try for the illusion of privacy. Alex having his own office space helps with this, they can at least eat there when Zeb is on the same ship.
They’re finally planet side though. Alex tilts his head up towards the sun, taking in slow, deep breaths of air that isn’t recycled. He never missed this when he was with the Imperials. He always spent most of his time on either a ship or Coruscant: fresh air that wasn’t recycled and UV light that didn’t come from a lightbulb weren’t things he thought about or missed.
Zeb wraps arms around him from behind and Alex lets himself relax back into his boyfriend. Zeb presses a kiss against the side of his head.
“Want to go for a walk after lunch,” Zeb asks.
“Yes,” Alex agrees.
They both spend the morning helping put the base together, but they both have scheduled downtime after lunch. It’s not a lot of downtime, but a walk around the base should be safe. They eat lunch with Rex and Rau. As they’re finished Hera and Sabine stop by to make plans for all of them to have their evening meal together.
Zeb takes his arm as they find a path into the woods with the giant trees. There’s underbrush along the outside and flowers. Butterflies flit about and birdsong fills the air.
“This is peaceful,” Alex says carefully, not wanting to get blamed if their time at this base doesn’t remain peaceful.
“We’re not medics,” Zeb soothes as he leans in to press a kiss against Alex’s forehead.
Alex smiles at him. Zeb grins back, then his attention turns to the trees and his eyes seem to light up. There are smaller trees, ones that are similar to how Alex usually thinks of trees, but several of the trees have large bases and deep groves to their bark. They’re taller and wider than Alex is used to trees being.
“They must be so old,” Zeb comments, something in his voice wistful and longing.
Alex takes in the forest, grateful for a moment that there’s still natural beauty in the universe that the Empire hasn’t destroyed, yet. “The information we had on the planet said that some of the trees are over three thousand years old.”
Zeb sighs. “Think we can find a path into them? I’d like to look up at the canopy.”
“There should already be some paths the scouts put together, so we’ll make as minimal an impact on the forest as possible,” Alex says. It takes a moment of scanning the area before he finds a sign indicating a path.
“We’re lucky there was already a temple here” Zeb comments.
“A non-dangerous temple, yes,” Alex agrees.
Zeb snorts. They both know how dangerous unexplored or under researched temples can be by now. They make their way towards the path.
“I didn’t know butterflies could be such a light yellow color,” Alex comments.
“I really like the blue ones,” Zeb says as he raises his hand. For a moment Alex thinks Zeb is going to point a tree or plant out to him, but then a butterfly, that is a brownish-yellow on one side and a light blue on the other, lands on Zeb’s outstretched hand. Zeb goes completely and utterly still, even as a wide smile spreads across his face. Alex stands there watching as the butterfly opens and closes its wings several times before flitting off.
Mechanical laughter catches their attention. Chopper is near them. He beeps at them that he got several holos and he’s going to go show Hera and Sabine.
“We’re going to want a copy!” Alex calls after him as he rolls off.
“Does he really think Hera or Sabine is going to tease us?” Zeb shakes his head.
“He’s got to try,” Alex allows.
Zeb snorts then steers them towards the path. They walk for several moments as they talk over their schedules and when they can find time to spend together. The sunlight filters through on the semi-dim path that brightens in areas. When they’re surrounded by gigantic trees they both look upwards, taking in the branches near the top that hold green leaves.
“It’s been a long time since I saw a tree I could probably safely climb,” Zeb remarks quietly.
Alex leans in, wraps comforting arms around Zeb. He knows apologizing isn’t enough, won’t ever be enough.
“I’ll have that again, one day, when the war is over,” Zeb sighs.
“When the war is over,” Alex agrees. He doesn’t point out that either of them might not survive until the war is over. Zeb shifts to kiss him and Alex closes his eyes, letting himself enjoy this moment. For now they have each other.
5.
“Are you almost at a stopping point?” Zeb asks from the doorway of his office. Alex pauses the reports he’s been pursuing, saving his place, and then looks up at Zeb. He frowns as he takes in the dimmed lights of the other offices in his area. He checks his chrono.
“I’m sorry, Garazeb. I didn’t realize it was so late.”
“You’re trying to help us find supplies for the new base. Can’t survive how cold it supposedly is if we don’t have the right supplies,” Zeb says, showing that he understands the late nights Alex has been having lately. “Have you eaten?”
“I think I can call it a night,” Alex sighs as he pushes away from his desk and runs his hands over his face.
Zeb steps close and gives him a kiss. As he pulls back he asks again, “Are you hungry?”
Alex’s eyes stray to the container that Zeb is carrying. “Yes, did you bring me food?”
“Well, you did say you liked dates that included food,” Zeb teases.
Alex laughs as he pushes to his feet. He takes Zeb’s hand and they walk through the hallway of the mostly asleep ship. There’s a hush to the ship that there isn’t during the daytime hours. There are still people working, but the crew is smaller. Very few droids pass them on their way to the observation deck. The lights of hyperspace flit past in streams of lights. They’re the only ones in the room. They find seats next to each other that they can lounge in comfortably. Alex lifts Zeb’s hand to his mouth and kisses the back of it. “Thank you.”
“Thank you for being willing to take a break.”
“I think I’m going to be ready to go to bed after this. I’ll do better work with fresh eyes.”
Zeb grins at him then sets the container between them. “Let's eat, then we’ll go to bed. What time do you have to get up in the morning?”
Alex lifts his chrono. “I already set an alarm.”
“Let me sleep.”
Alex laughs as he opens the container to see what food Zeb’s saved for them.
“I really don’t know how you function on as little sleep as you do,” Zeb complains.
“Human’s need less than Lasat’s,” Alex comments.
“I think you get less than most humans.”
“I scheduled some downtime after lunch, we could take a nap together,” Alex suggests.
“I’ll hold you to that,” Zeb grins.
“You just like watching me sleep.”
“I like cuddling you while you’re sleeping and knowing you’re getting rest,” Zeb counters, then admits. “It helps me sleep better if you’re there.”
“Zeb,” Alex says, eyes soft. He doesn’t know how to express how Zeb’s words make him feel. He’s not sure how to express the same sentiment, even though it holds true for him as well.
“What?” Zeb asks as he grabs a sandwich to press into Alex’s hand.
“I can try settling an alarm for an hour after my day is supposed to end,” he offers.
Zeb grins. “I’d appreciate that. I also understand that you’re working extra hours trying to keep the fleet safe. We’re good Alex.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Now eat your food.”
Alex laughs at Zeb’s playful growl.
+1
Hoth is deadly, especially after dark, but some of the watchtowers are still manned at night. Zeb isn’t really sure how Alex got assigned a shift. Zeb hesitates for only a moment when Alex asks him to join him. Both of them attempting to keep warm might be miserable, but he’d rather be miserable and spend time with Alex than not have time to spend with Alex.
When he gets there Alex has caf heated and a chair that will be comfortable for him to sit in for long periods. Zeb rubs his cheek against Alex’s, resisting the urge to press their lips together. There’s a small heater. They won’t freeze to death at least. Zeb lifts up his feet to show Alex the ridiculous shoes he has to wear. He’s even got a jacket and a hat. Alex has a whole cold weather outfit. The watchtower isn’t completely miserable. They sip their caf and hold hands while keeping an eye on the monitors, while occasionally looking out the windows.
There’s a flicker of light that draws Zeb’s attention. He feels his ears perk up. Alex squeezes his hand and gives him a smile. “Look out that window.”
Zeb shifts his gaze and there are green lights in the sky! They seem to gently cascade over the hills in the distance. There are several smaller streaks in the same shade of bright green with a hint of bright white. And then the colors shift into a half circle.
“It’s like the sky is dancing,” Zeb breathes. He’s heard of this and seen pictures, but he’s never seen this himself.
“I thought you’d enjoy this,” Alex says.
“Thank you,” Zeb manages as he watches the green light shift and change. There’s a wispy quality to them that’s fascinating. He glances over and realizes Alex is watching his reactions. He takes in the look of wonder on Alex’s face and feels the mug in his hand. He’s sitting in a chair that fits him. Up until now he’s the one that’s planned all their dates, he’s the one that’s tried to come up with activities they’d both enjoy. “You planned a date for me.”
Alex startles slightly. “Yes. I knew we could see the lights from this tower and you’d mentioned them as something you’ve wanted to see.”
Zeb squeezes his hand and grins.
“I’ve never planned a date before,” Alex admits.
“It’s perfect, thank you.”
“Even if we’re both technically working?” Alex grimaces.
Zeb laughs. “Even then. I’m kissing you when we get back inside.”
“I’m glad we’ve got our own room,” Alex sighs.
Zeb smirks. Alex rolls his eyes.
“What kind of base do you think we’ll have after this?” Zeb asks.
“Hopefully this one lasts a while, but we’re looking. We’ve already rejected a moon around a gas giant. We’ve found a place that is mostly wetlands and swamps, but there are also some areas that have some nice lakes.”
“As cold as Hoth is, it’s nice to have everyone under one roof,” Zeb admits, trying not to shudder at the thought of a base in the middle of a swamp.
“It’s easier to train,” Alex agrees.
The lights shift again, the green turning more solid even as white light seems to cascade through it. Zeb makes a noise of happiness. “That’s gorgeous.”
Alex grins. “You’re…”
Zeb looks back at Alex when he breaks off. “Yeah, Sasha?”
“You’re gorgeous, Garazeb.”
“Yeah,” Zeb says, letting himself lean in. “I think we’ve established that I think you’re gorgeous too.”
Alex nods. “I-I think what I mean is that I love you.”
Zeb stills. He’s been trying to show Alex that he loves him, but they haven’t said the words yet. He always thought he’d be the one to say the sentiment out loud first, but hearing it, getting those words from Alex makes everything part of him feel like it’s lit up like the light show outside. He feels like shifting colors illuminating the cold and dark. He thinks about the last time they were trying to stay warm in the cold and how far they’ve come.
“I love you too,” Zeb says, letting himself sink into the feeling. He enjoys the way those words make Alex’s eyes go soft. “I love you too.”
Fandom: Star Wars
Pairings: Kallus/Zeb
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Star Wars. It's not my toy box and I'm merely playing.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Five dates that Zeb took Alex on and one date that Alex took Zeb on.
A/N: Written for the Kalluzeb Reverse Minibang. Title is from the poem "The Messenger" by Mary Oliver. Part of the fic inspired by Congaree National Park Fireflies, Sequoias, and the Northern Lights. Thank you to MapleOwl18 for listening to me go on about this fic and making date suggestions, especially for introducing me to Downtime! Art by lothpup, which is at the end of the fic on AO3.
Learning to Be Astonished:
1.
Part of Alex’s physical therapy is that he takes a walk every day. He tries to make himself go early in the morning, hopeful that Yavin will feel less humid in the pre-morning light. When Zeb starts to join him, strolling casually beside him on the path, Alex isn’t sure what to think, but the conversation is easy and he wants as much time with Zeb as possible, especially after that horrible moment on Lothal when he’d thought Zeb had died. Still, the base is built in a jungle and it rains often. Zeb despises wet fur, but he lets Alex help him dry off after. It starts to feel sensual, but Alex is sure that Zeb will never be interested in him romantically or even carnally.
“How bout we go this way today,” Zeb suggests pointing to one of the more used paths. The dirt is packed down from so much foot travel until it reaches a small wooden outbuilding, the path is less worn after, but still visible.
Alex knows there’s no good reason to object, even if his first thought is that the outbuilding will be the perfect place to wait out the rain, when they inevitably get caught in it. All he can think is that maybe Zeb didn’t want his help drying off. He still wants Zeb’s company, walking is easier, seems to go faster, when Zeb is there to talk with.
“I haven’t in awhile,” Alex admits.
Zeb gives him a hopeful look.
“Alright, Garazeb,” Alex agrees, letting himself smile at the way Zeb looks at him when he uses his given name. It’s a warm look, letting Alex imagine for a moment that Zeb might be interested, that Alex’s feelings might be mutual. He doesn’t really believe they could be, he’s lucky that Zeb even wants to be friends. He’ll forever be grateful that it was Zeb he was stranded on Bahryn with. Would he have started questioning the lies he’d been believing for years if he’d been stranded with anyone besides Zeb? Alex isn’t sure, he is relatively sure the only reason he lived was because it was Zeb he was stranded with.
The path in front of them is a cacophony of greens with a fallen trunk to one side. There’s such an abundance of trees that the trunks seem obscured by the large leaves. The path is narrow enough that occasionally their arms and hands brush. Alex tries not to read into it as he asks Zeb about his plans for the day.
“Uh, this walk with you and then we’ll see what happens,” Zeb answers.
Alex pauses to stare at him. Most of his days are carefully planned, but Zeb goes on more missions than he does, maybe his job is less regimented.
“Are you free for lunch?” Alex asks, then lets Zeb know what time he’s scheduled for his lunch break.
“I could do lunch,” Zeb says after a moment of hesitation.
“If you already have other plans,” Alex starts since he’s not sure why Zeb hesitated, but he doesn’t want Zeb to feel obligated. He enjoys spending time with Zeb, but…
Zeb turns and takes his hands. Alex swallows as he looks at Zeb.
The sky opens up and the rain starts. Zeb bristles and growls, glaring upwards. Alex allows himself a brief moment of admonishment for how attractive he finds that before he tugs Zeb’s hand and they make a run for the outbuilding. Thankfully it isn’t far and the rain doesn’t grow into a steady, heavy downpour until they’ve safely ducked inside.
There’s a large stack of towels someone must have recently brought out here and Alex grabs one to wipe his own face before he moves to help Zeb dry off. Zeb laughs. “I didn’t get too wet this time.”
“This path was a good suggestion then,” Alex comments as he finds a sturdy container to sit on so he can stretch out his leg. The rain is soothing now that it’s hitting the roof of the building and they aren’t caught in it.
“Might be here for a moment,” Zeb comments as the sound of the rain picks up.
Alex shrugs. “You’re dry.”
“For now,” Zeb growls.
“You didn’t get that wet!”
“Not this time!”
Alex grins, attempting to resist the urge to laugh. It’s difficult when Zeb is grinning at him, looking close to laughter himself.
“Caf?” Zeb asks.
“What?”
“Would you like some caf?” Zeb clarified as he points out where a pot with a hot plate is set up. Alex thanks him, handing over his canteen. He lets himself relax as Zeb starts the water boiling and finds them some mugs.
Wrapping his hands around the warm mug of caf with the continual patter of rain and Zeb a comfortable presence next to him on the container Alex feels his shoulders relax, feels tension start to unspool from his spine. He takes a sip, feeling the heat infuse through him. He closes his eyes. Zeb leans in close and Alex lets himself lean back.
“Comfortable Sasha?” Zeb asks.
Alex lets himself make an affirmative noise as he tells himself not to read too much into Zeb’s nickname for him.
They relax for a moment more, then Zeb says, “I’ve been wondering about something?”
Alex opens his eyes, letting himself glance up at Zeb, who meets his gaze briefly and then looks away. His ears start to flatten. “Is something wrong Zeb?”
“No, no. Nothings wrong,” Zeb reassures in a rush. It doesn’t feel genuine. Judging by Zeb’s ears and his fur, he’s nervous about something.
“I’ll help if I can,” Alex tries, hoping his words will help at least a little. He reaches over and squeezes Zeb's hand. He finds himself wishing for the peace of a few moments before.
“Ah,” Zeb stalls. “I’ve been wondering about Human dating.”
“Human dating?” Alex repeats. Who does Zeb want to date? He tries to tell himself not to be jealous, but the feeling simmers in his gut regardless.
“Yeah,” Zeb says, drawing out the word. “Specifically what kind of dates Humans like. What do you usually do when you date someone?”
Alex snorts. “If the Empire wanted me to be married they’d have issued me a spouse.”
Zeb’s ears flatten just that bit more. Alex squeezes his hand.
“Please tell me that’s a joke,” Zeb says in a plaintive tone.
“A poor attempt at one, it seems,” Alex sighs. He takes another sip of his caf as he thinks. “I entered the academy young and I don’t really have any practical experience with romance.”
“Oh,” Zeb frowns, ears relaxing slightly, then flattening again as he asks, “Do you like sex?”
“Yes. Do you?” This might be the single weirdest conversation Alex has ever had.
“Yes,” Zeb says. “So you’ve had sex, but you never dated?”
“I’ve mostly had one-night stands, occasionally more than one night, but not more than two. I don’t have any practical experience with relationships Zeb, you might do better asking someone else.”
“I wanted to ask you,” Zeb’s voice goes soft and Alex can’t help but squeeze his hands again. “What kind of dates do you think you’d enjoy?”
Alex frowns. “I think food is standard?”
“Yes, that’s standard with Lasat’s too.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Zeb smiles at him, ears finally flicking away from his head. Alex feels himself relaxing along with Zeb. Then Zeb says, “I know you like caf, what other foods do you like?”
Alex blinks, then shakes his head. “Zeb, you should ask the person you want to date that.”
Zeb stares at him, long and hard and Alex frowns. Part of him considers that maybe Zeb wants to date him, but no Alex knows better and he’s not going to embarrass himself by entertaining the possibility. He squeezes Zeb’s hand again and takes another sip of his caf. Zeb sighs, almost groans, and leans into him again, then Zeb steers the conversation towards their plans for the day and what they’re hoping the mess will fix for lunch.
2.
Alex rubs his hands over his face and tries not to scream in frustration. His stomach rumbles and he tries to ignore it. The Alliance probably needs to change their base again soon and he’s one of the people tasked with narrowing down their choices.
There’s a knock on the door and Alex sits back, letting his hands drop. Zeb’s standing there and it’s been so long since they’ve been on the same base. Usually when they’re on the same base Zeb brings him a meal, but there aren’t any trays in his hands. Still, he’s smiling at Alex and he can’t help but smile back. He wants to stand, wants to wrap himself around Zeb and just rest against him for a moment. “It’s good to see you, Garazeb.”
Zeb’s grin widens. “It’s good to see you too.”
“When did the Ghost get in?”
“Just now. I think we’re starting to tear down the base tomorrow,” Zeb says.
Kallus sits back in his chair. Trying to keep up ideas for temporary bases that the Empire won’t think of is proving to be a large responsibility. Breaking up everyone into smaller groups again is proving essential to their survival, but it’s been awhile since he’s seen Zeb and he’s not sure when they’ll have time together after the base is stripped clean. He’s sure his smile turns tired. He reaches over and saves his work. He should’ve stopped work a while ago and he can at least enjoy Zeb’s company for the rest of the night. “Do you have any plans?”
“Have you eaten?” Zeb asks.
Alex tries not to grimace. He saw what some of his officemates brought back from the mess earlier. “Not yet.”
“Have you been to Downtime yet? I think they’re serving that stew you like.”
Alex stills and tilts his head. “The pilot’s tapcafe? I’m not sure they’d want Intelligence there.”
“You’re just there for the good company and the stew,” Zeb wheddles.
Alex laughs, he can’t help it, not with the hopeful look on Zeb’s face and being bribed with stew. He agrees as he stands, then amends, “Unless someone is uncomfortable with my presence, then I’ll leave.”
“We’ll leave and take our stew with us,” Zeb informs him.
Alex makes a considering noise and lets Zeb show him where this tapcafe is. He knows it’s going to be mostly alcohol: pilots' lives tend to be short so of course they like to drink and have fun. It’s a hole in the wall, difficult to find, and a small space. Zeb finds them a table near a wall. The table itself is a large overturned crate while the chairs are ejector seats. It’s surprisingly comfortable, even if the room is full of noise. Thankfully the stew, when held close, smells delicious and Alex can concentrate on it rather than the smell of sweat and strong liquor.
“This is darker than their last one,” he comments.
Zeb snorts. “Wedge complained to Sabine. She already set aside several supplies we stole that can easily be turned into neon lights.”
Alex shakes his head, but knowing Sabine she’ll have used supplies that couldn’t be turned into useful explosives. “They’ll like that.”
“I think the point is more the company, than the lighting,” Zeb comments.
Alex smiles as their eyes meet. The point is definitely the company, and for most pilots also the alcohol, but for Alex he’ll cherish Zeb’s company as long as he can. He’s just not sure how to say that without sounding lecherous.
“You look more relaxed,” Zeb smiles.
“Good company and good food,” Alex says. “Thank you, Garazeb. I wouldn’t have come here on my own.”
Zeb grins, looking pleased. They lapse into silence as they eat for a moment, then they slowly spend the rest of the night catching up.
3.
There’s a park near the base with designated walking and picnicking areas. Alex isn’t sure why Zeb asks him to have dinner with him there, but it’s nice to get away from the base for a bit. The food Zeb packs is delicious and Alex feels himself start to relax. He can’t be fully relaxed, because they’re away from the base and an easy evacuation. The sun is just starting to set. “Should we head back.”
Zeb shakes his head. “My mother used to tell me stories about Congaree and now we have a base here at the exact right time of year.”
“Time of year?” Alex asks, wondering just what Zeb knows about this planet that he doesn’t. It can’t be anything dangerous, his team would know about it. He glances around the field they’re in front of as he tries to think of why Zeb would bring him here. The sun setting, with the sky turning orange and pink on the horizon, is beautiful.
He glances at Zeb, who grins at him.
“Fireflies,” Alex realizes. “There are synchronic fireflies here. It’s the right time of year?”
“We’re in the right window for this area.”
Shouldn’t Zeb be trying to share this with the rest of the Spectres? They’re his family. Why bring Alex here? He’s grateful. He reaches over and takes Zeb’s hand, letting himself enjoy the sunset. He can’t remember the last time he just sat with someone and watched the sky change colors. Zeb wraps an arm around his shoulder and Alex lets himself settle against him. They talk softly as it grows dark, both wondering what base they’ll end up at next and how long it’ll be until they have time together again.
As it gets dark there’s a tiny light here and there as the fireflies start trying to attract mates. The darker it gets the more lights there are twinkling in the dark. Small lights that almost seem to pulsate together. Then there are so many fireflies floating around that it’s easy to make out some of their flight paths by their lights. There have to be thousands of them. Alex feels his breath catch. He turns to thank Zeb, tell him how beautiful he’s finding it and realizes that Zeb is watching him and not the fireflies.
“Don’t miss it,” Alex tells him.
“I’m not,” Zeb responds.
Their faces are close together. Alex can feel Zeb’s breath on his skin. He wets his lips, lets his eyes meet Zeb’s. Zeb is backlit by the fireflies. Alex can’t help, but cup his cheek. Zeb rubs his face against Alex’s hands.
“Is this a date?” Alex manages to ask. He’s not sure how he gets the words out, how he manages to break the silence between them, as he remembers all the times he’s spent with Zeb that felt like they were edging close to being dates, but that he took as two friends spending time together. He’s been wanting Zeb, wanting to date Zeb, but knowing he doesn’t have a chance for a long time now. What if he’s been wrong?
“I’d like it to be,” Zeb answers.
“H-have we been dating and I didn’t notice?”
Zeb leans in until his forehead is resting against Alex’s. His hands come up to cup Alex’s face, reminding Alex how large they are. He’s tall and broad for a Human, he’s not a small man, but Zeb is larger and the thought makes something inside Alex go wanting.
“If all you want to be is friends,” Zeb tells him. “Then I’ll be happy to be your friend, but if you want to date, that’d make me very happy.”
For a moment all Alex can think of is all the reasons he doesn’t deserve to date Zeb, but Zeb wants to date him. Him! Alex didn’t realize that awe could fill him so thoroughly.
“Garazeb,” he manages. “Please.”
Zeb smirks just slightly. “Are we using given names? Is that a thing we’re doing?”
“I…”
“I’d really like to kiss you, Alexsandr.”
“I’m an awful spy.”
Zeb laughs.
“I’ll absolutely accept you kissing it better.”
Still laughing, Zeb presses a kiss to his forehead. Alex sighs. He didn’t realize that a kiss could be so soothing. Zeb’s cheeks rub against his, first one side and then the other and then Zeb’s lips press against his. After several slow kisses Zeb’s tongue slips into his mouth and Alex sucks on it, enjoying the way that makes Zeb groan. As Zeb pulls back Alex nips at his bottom lip and Zeb kisses him again, less carefully this time, more hungry. Alex presses close, tries to pull Zeb closer. He lets Zeb press him onto his back, lets himself enjoy the weight of Zeb on top of him as they continue to kiss. Zeb rubs their cheeks together again, then kisses his jaw. Zeb licks his neck and Alex shudders, pressing up into him. He wraps his legs around Zeb’s thighs and...Zeb pauses.
“Zeb?” Alex asks.
“I’m sorry, got a little carried away,” Zeb asks, voice gone low with lust.
“I wasn’t complaining,” Alex points out.
Zeb snorts, presses a kiss to his cheek. “Thing is, I don’t want a one-night stand. I want to keep dating. I’d like sex with you, but…”
“Zeb, finding time to be alone with you is rare,” Alex lets himself interrupt. “I’d like sex with you too.”
Zeb chuckles, then kisses his neck. Alex closes his eyes and tips his head back to give Zeb more access.
“And dating after?” Zeb ventures. He sounds almost hesitant. “I want a relationship with you Sasha.”
“I’ve never had a relationship,” Alex admits. “I’m not sure I’m going to be any good at it, but I’d like to try, with you.”
Zeb kisses him again, presses close again, and Alex kisses back, letting hope bloom in his chest.
4.
It’s been a month since they’ve been assigned to the same carrier ship and two months since they’ve been planetside. Dating so far is sex when they manage time alone, which tends to be fleeting, and a lot of talking when they can’t be alone, but can try for the illusion of privacy. Alex having his own office space helps with this, they can at least eat there when Zeb is on the same ship.
They’re finally planet side though. Alex tilts his head up towards the sun, taking in slow, deep breaths of air that isn’t recycled. He never missed this when he was with the Imperials. He always spent most of his time on either a ship or Coruscant: fresh air that wasn’t recycled and UV light that didn’t come from a lightbulb weren’t things he thought about or missed.
Zeb wraps arms around him from behind and Alex lets himself relax back into his boyfriend. Zeb presses a kiss against the side of his head.
“Want to go for a walk after lunch,” Zeb asks.
“Yes,” Alex agrees.
They both spend the morning helping put the base together, but they both have scheduled downtime after lunch. It’s not a lot of downtime, but a walk around the base should be safe. They eat lunch with Rex and Rau. As they’re finished Hera and Sabine stop by to make plans for all of them to have their evening meal together.
Zeb takes his arm as they find a path into the woods with the giant trees. There’s underbrush along the outside and flowers. Butterflies flit about and birdsong fills the air.
“This is peaceful,” Alex says carefully, not wanting to get blamed if their time at this base doesn’t remain peaceful.
“We’re not medics,” Zeb soothes as he leans in to press a kiss against Alex’s forehead.
Alex smiles at him. Zeb grins back, then his attention turns to the trees and his eyes seem to light up. There are smaller trees, ones that are similar to how Alex usually thinks of trees, but several of the trees have large bases and deep groves to their bark. They’re taller and wider than Alex is used to trees being.
“They must be so old,” Zeb comments, something in his voice wistful and longing.
Alex takes in the forest, grateful for a moment that there’s still natural beauty in the universe that the Empire hasn’t destroyed, yet. “The information we had on the planet said that some of the trees are over three thousand years old.”
Zeb sighs. “Think we can find a path into them? I’d like to look up at the canopy.”
“There should already be some paths the scouts put together, so we’ll make as minimal an impact on the forest as possible,” Alex says. It takes a moment of scanning the area before he finds a sign indicating a path.
“We’re lucky there was already a temple here” Zeb comments.
“A non-dangerous temple, yes,” Alex agrees.
Zeb snorts. They both know how dangerous unexplored or under researched temples can be by now. They make their way towards the path.
“I didn’t know butterflies could be such a light yellow color,” Alex comments.
“I really like the blue ones,” Zeb says as he raises his hand. For a moment Alex thinks Zeb is going to point a tree or plant out to him, but then a butterfly, that is a brownish-yellow on one side and a light blue on the other, lands on Zeb’s outstretched hand. Zeb goes completely and utterly still, even as a wide smile spreads across his face. Alex stands there watching as the butterfly opens and closes its wings several times before flitting off.
Mechanical laughter catches their attention. Chopper is near them. He beeps at them that he got several holos and he’s going to go show Hera and Sabine.
“We’re going to want a copy!” Alex calls after him as he rolls off.
“Does he really think Hera or Sabine is going to tease us?” Zeb shakes his head.
“He’s got to try,” Alex allows.
Zeb snorts then steers them towards the path. They walk for several moments as they talk over their schedules and when they can find time to spend together. The sunlight filters through on the semi-dim path that brightens in areas. When they’re surrounded by gigantic trees they both look upwards, taking in the branches near the top that hold green leaves.
“It’s been a long time since I saw a tree I could probably safely climb,” Zeb remarks quietly.
Alex leans in, wraps comforting arms around Zeb. He knows apologizing isn’t enough, won’t ever be enough.
“I’ll have that again, one day, when the war is over,” Zeb sighs.
“When the war is over,” Alex agrees. He doesn’t point out that either of them might not survive until the war is over. Zeb shifts to kiss him and Alex closes his eyes, letting himself enjoy this moment. For now they have each other.
5.
“Are you almost at a stopping point?” Zeb asks from the doorway of his office. Alex pauses the reports he’s been pursuing, saving his place, and then looks up at Zeb. He frowns as he takes in the dimmed lights of the other offices in his area. He checks his chrono.
“I’m sorry, Garazeb. I didn’t realize it was so late.”
“You’re trying to help us find supplies for the new base. Can’t survive how cold it supposedly is if we don’t have the right supplies,” Zeb says, showing that he understands the late nights Alex has been having lately. “Have you eaten?”
“I think I can call it a night,” Alex sighs as he pushes away from his desk and runs his hands over his face.
Zeb steps close and gives him a kiss. As he pulls back he asks again, “Are you hungry?”
Alex’s eyes stray to the container that Zeb is carrying. “Yes, did you bring me food?”
“Well, you did say you liked dates that included food,” Zeb teases.
Alex laughs as he pushes to his feet. He takes Zeb’s hand and they walk through the hallway of the mostly asleep ship. There’s a hush to the ship that there isn’t during the daytime hours. There are still people working, but the crew is smaller. Very few droids pass them on their way to the observation deck. The lights of hyperspace flit past in streams of lights. They’re the only ones in the room. They find seats next to each other that they can lounge in comfortably. Alex lifts Zeb’s hand to his mouth and kisses the back of it. “Thank you.”
“Thank you for being willing to take a break.”
“I think I’m going to be ready to go to bed after this. I’ll do better work with fresh eyes.”
Zeb grins at him then sets the container between them. “Let's eat, then we’ll go to bed. What time do you have to get up in the morning?”
Alex lifts his chrono. “I already set an alarm.”
“Let me sleep.”
Alex laughs as he opens the container to see what food Zeb’s saved for them.
“I really don’t know how you function on as little sleep as you do,” Zeb complains.
“Human’s need less than Lasat’s,” Alex comments.
“I think you get less than most humans.”
“I scheduled some downtime after lunch, we could take a nap together,” Alex suggests.
“I’ll hold you to that,” Zeb grins.
“You just like watching me sleep.”
“I like cuddling you while you’re sleeping and knowing you’re getting rest,” Zeb counters, then admits. “It helps me sleep better if you’re there.”
“Zeb,” Alex says, eyes soft. He doesn’t know how to express how Zeb’s words make him feel. He’s not sure how to express the same sentiment, even though it holds true for him as well.
“What?” Zeb asks as he grabs a sandwich to press into Alex’s hand.
“I can try settling an alarm for an hour after my day is supposed to end,” he offers.
Zeb grins. “I’d appreciate that. I also understand that you’re working extra hours trying to keep the fleet safe. We’re good Alex.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Now eat your food.”
Alex laughs at Zeb’s playful growl.
+1
Hoth is deadly, especially after dark, but some of the watchtowers are still manned at night. Zeb isn’t really sure how Alex got assigned a shift. Zeb hesitates for only a moment when Alex asks him to join him. Both of them attempting to keep warm might be miserable, but he’d rather be miserable and spend time with Alex than not have time to spend with Alex.
When he gets there Alex has caf heated and a chair that will be comfortable for him to sit in for long periods. Zeb rubs his cheek against Alex’s, resisting the urge to press their lips together. There’s a small heater. They won’t freeze to death at least. Zeb lifts up his feet to show Alex the ridiculous shoes he has to wear. He’s even got a jacket and a hat. Alex has a whole cold weather outfit. The watchtower isn’t completely miserable. They sip their caf and hold hands while keeping an eye on the monitors, while occasionally looking out the windows.
There’s a flicker of light that draws Zeb’s attention. He feels his ears perk up. Alex squeezes his hand and gives him a smile. “Look out that window.”
Zeb shifts his gaze and there are green lights in the sky! They seem to gently cascade over the hills in the distance. There are several smaller streaks in the same shade of bright green with a hint of bright white. And then the colors shift into a half circle.
“It’s like the sky is dancing,” Zeb breathes. He’s heard of this and seen pictures, but he’s never seen this himself.
“I thought you’d enjoy this,” Alex says.
“Thank you,” Zeb manages as he watches the green light shift and change. There’s a wispy quality to them that’s fascinating. He glances over and realizes Alex is watching his reactions. He takes in the look of wonder on Alex’s face and feels the mug in his hand. He’s sitting in a chair that fits him. Up until now he’s the one that’s planned all their dates, he’s the one that’s tried to come up with activities they’d both enjoy. “You planned a date for me.”
Alex startles slightly. “Yes. I knew we could see the lights from this tower and you’d mentioned them as something you’ve wanted to see.”
Zeb squeezes his hand and grins.
“I’ve never planned a date before,” Alex admits.
“It’s perfect, thank you.”
“Even if we’re both technically working?” Alex grimaces.
Zeb laughs. “Even then. I’m kissing you when we get back inside.”
“I’m glad we’ve got our own room,” Alex sighs.
Zeb smirks. Alex rolls his eyes.
“What kind of base do you think we’ll have after this?” Zeb asks.
“Hopefully this one lasts a while, but we’re looking. We’ve already rejected a moon around a gas giant. We’ve found a place that is mostly wetlands and swamps, but there are also some areas that have some nice lakes.”
“As cold as Hoth is, it’s nice to have everyone under one roof,” Zeb admits, trying not to shudder at the thought of a base in the middle of a swamp.
“It’s easier to train,” Alex agrees.
The lights shift again, the green turning more solid even as white light seems to cascade through it. Zeb makes a noise of happiness. “That’s gorgeous.”
Alex grins. “You’re…”
Zeb looks back at Alex when he breaks off. “Yeah, Sasha?”
“You’re gorgeous, Garazeb.”
“Yeah,” Zeb says, letting himself lean in. “I think we’ve established that I think you’re gorgeous too.”
Alex nods. “I-I think what I mean is that I love you.”
Zeb stills. He’s been trying to show Alex that he loves him, but they haven’t said the words yet. He always thought he’d be the one to say the sentiment out loud first, but hearing it, getting those words from Alex makes everything part of him feel like it’s lit up like the light show outside. He feels like shifting colors illuminating the cold and dark. He thinks about the last time they were trying to stay warm in the cold and how far they’ve come.
“I love you too,” Zeb says, letting himself sink into the feeling. He enjoys the way those words make Alex’s eyes go soft. “I love you too.”