(no subject)

I did something stupid. I assumed my one med was refillable and it wasn't and I haven't had any for a few days. I'd kinda forgotten what it was like and I was fine in class but that was mostly because I made a consious decision to sit away from the class and forced myself to focus on the material, the prof and discussion of the material and not focus on the fact that I was in a small room with a lot of people. I'd forgotten how small silly details could send me into a panic, and I'd forgotten that when really really stressed by the running off on a tanget of thought that I start to rock back and forth. I also forgot about the nightmare. I mean I remembered them, but I'd forgotten how they made me feel. I was however able to tell my head that I was being overreactive to small details and get it to slow down, which I wouldn't have been able to do before I started to take meds. It's a competely odd sensation, but I've been able to calm and there isn't any depression. I've been more tired lately, but not in a depressed way.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's a competely new sensation, being able to take a step away from myself, realize I'm overreacting in a stupid fashion, and be able to take control again and get myself to calm down. Getting back on my med will be a relief though. Being able to get control of my panic is a good step and I'm kinda glad I relized it, but the not being able to focus, yea thats not of the good. It's probably why I like writing so much, I can focus when I write.

Sorry if this didn't make much sense.

(no subject)

I did something stupid. I assumed my one med was refillable and it wasn't and I haven't had any for a few days. I'd kinda forgotten what it was like and I was fine in class but that was mostly because I made a consious decision to sit away from the class and forced myself to focus on the material, the prof and discussion of the material and not focus on the fact that I was in a small room with a lot of people. I'd forgotten how small silly details could send me into a panic, and I'd forgotten that when really really stressed by the running off on a tanget of thought that I start to rock back and forth. I also forgot about the nightmare. I mean I remembered them, but I'd forgotten how they made me feel. I was however able to tell my head that I was being overreactive to small details and get it to slow down, which I wouldn't have been able to do before I started to take meds. It's a competely odd sensation, but I've been able to calm and there isn't any depression. I've been more tired lately, but not in a depressed way.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's a competely new sensation, being able to take a step away from myself, realize I'm overreacting in a stupid fashion, and be able to take control again and get myself to calm down. Getting back on my med will be a relief though. Being able to get control of my panic is a good step and I'm kinda glad I relized it, but the not being able to focus, yea thats not of the good. It's probably why I like writing so much, I can focus when I write.

Sorry if this didn't make much sense.

(no subject)

Okay, so I get that the post before this possibly made me out to be a complete loon, when okay yeah I've got a few problems, but I can handle it and I'll be fine. I should not allow myself to write when I'm kinda panicky. Stupid panic. Of course its entirely my own fault and if I'd been a resposible adult then I'd be fine, but apparently my responsiblity decided to take a holiday while my Aunt was visiting for the week and school started. By now my responsiblity should know it doesn't get days off...but what can you do, occasionally it just takes them.

I made a mistake with my schedule and now I feel like an idiot. My boss wants to talk to me tomorrow about the client that I represent. Which is odd because I've never had a meeting with her about a client. I said I could be her after class and that it ended at 11. I keep thinking I schedule my lab on Thursday when I scheduled my lab on Tuesday so now I have to call her tomorrow and let her know I'm actually in class till 2. So now instead of just wondering if I've done something wrong, though I don't think I have, but hey never had a meeting with my manager about a client, I get to add irresponsible to the list of things to keep myself from overanalying or panicing over.

Yes I know I'm silly. At least I understand that. Want to know what I can't understand? You don't, well too bad going to tell you anyway...I can't understand peoples need to look over my book collection, shake their heads and say they've never known anyone with as many books as me. I mean okay I have a four full bookshelves, two small, one medium and one large with some overflow...and I don't see a problem with that. Maybe I'm just kidding myself. If you had to be reasonable about owning books (though I'm not sure how one can cause hello books!...yes I'm a geek dork I get it pick a word) would you consider that too many?

(no subject)

Okay, so I get that the post before this possibly made me out to be a complete loon, when okay yeah I've got a few problems, but I can handle it and I'll be fine. I should not allow myself to write when I'm kinda panicky. Stupid panic. Of course its entirely my own fault and if I'd been a resposible adult then I'd be fine, but apparently my responsiblity decided to take a holiday while my Aunt was visiting for the week and school started. By now my responsiblity should know it doesn't get days off...but what can you do, occasionally it just takes them.

I made a mistake with my schedule and now I feel like an idiot. My boss wants to talk to me tomorrow about the client that I represent. Which is odd because I've never had a meeting with her about a client. I said I could be her after class and that it ended at 11. I keep thinking I schedule my lab on Thursday when I scheduled my lab on Tuesday so now I have to call her tomorrow and let her know I'm actually in class till 2. So now instead of just wondering if I've done something wrong, though I don't think I have, but hey never had a meeting with my manager about a client, I get to add irresponsible to the list of things to keep myself from overanalying or panicing over.

Yes I know I'm silly. At least I understand that. Want to know what I can't understand? You don't, well too bad going to tell you anyway...I can't understand peoples need to look over my book collection, shake their heads and say they've never known anyone with as many books as me. I mean okay I have a four full bookshelves, two small, one medium and one large with some overflow...and I don't see a problem with that. Maybe I'm just kidding myself. If you had to be reasonable about owning books (though I'm not sure how one can cause hello books!...yes I'm a geek dork I get it pick a word) would you consider that too many?